Print Story Dear Match.com Advertising Persons of Interest;
Art
By MohammedNiyalSayeed (Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 12:30:11 AM EST) (all tags)

It has come to my repeated attention, owed largely to your repeated purchase of advertising time on television shows across all sorts of channels, that you are actually trying to present as incentive the notion that if your product fails to deliver in six months, you will provide the non-recipient with an additional six months for free.



This makes absolutely no sense. Unless you are an imbecile, you probably agree with me. For those of you who are imbeciles, I shall present you with an analogy:

Customer: Waiter, you brought me a turd instead of my pastrami sandwich. I find myself unsatisfied.

Waiter: Sir, I'm so sorry; as a token of my sincerity, please allow me to bring you another turd; an exact copy of this turd, except for the fact that this second turd will be free. Which means that I still expect you to pay for the first turd.

Seems wrong, eh? Yes, it does. As a citizen of the United States, I find it appalling that you help contribute to the cultural degradation of such fine traditional values as "logic" and "lack of stupidity". It is your responsibility to behave differently; to behave as I would have you behave. And why? Why, that's simple; because I am The Customer.

Except I'm not, actually. You know. I can't imagine anything more lame than building a business that caters to the despair and disillusionment of human beings. Just kill them, already, you pricks.

I'm Tired.

I'm also tired. Oh wait, that's the same thing... Did I mention I was tired?

Today was "stock option money actually showed up in the bank account day", and I spent around 4 g's before noon. I've slowed down since then, but FREE MONEY, BITCHES! Really, all I bought was a new computer, an HD video camera, and a new router. Still, I have serious issues parting with money. Once it goes into savings or investment, it stays there forever, so that....

Actually, I forget why I'm doing that. I think it's fear of commitment.

I will be buying another gun with it, too, but I'm going to wait for a while for that; I have more research to do.

I'm also either going to Japan, or to Tel Aviv. But first, I'm going to go out on the deck and have a cigarette.

You Know How I Know I'm Going To Hell?

I've stopped listening to my Mom's stories when I make my periodic telephone call. See, I had to, though; they're getting more and more winding and pointless, bogged down in trivial minutia and tangential detail. You could hardly call that my fault.

Still, I feel bad.

But less bad than when I interrupt to say, "ok, Mom, it's been like 30 minutes since I last told you I didn't like talking on the phone, so could we please hurry the second-by-second slow-motion recap of Uncle Whoever's surgery that you told me about last week too, along, and now it's fucking dinner time, and I'm hanging up, love you, buh bye". Really, it's mainly the curse word. I'm a grown man, but it just feels mean.

Then again, mean, not mean, whatever. All construct bullshit.

So it seems my ancient copy of Photoshop 7, licensed to me, fair and square, finally doesn't work since moving to Leopard. Man, what a situation.

OK, Dudes

Laundry load 2 needs to be done, and I've got things to burn, shoot, drag and drop.

Oh yeah, also, I may have been wrong about ground wars. Or I'm running sabotage now for fun. Definitely one or the other.

< Why you | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
Dear Match.com Advertising Persons of Interest; | 26 comments (26 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Don't choose by theantix (4.00 / 2) #1 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 01:00:39 AM EST
Go to both.
____________________________________
mns: oh, dude, join my facebook group!


Of course by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #2 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 01:53:54 AM EST

But in which order? Right now I'm leaning towards Japan, but that's because it's closer than Israel. See what I'm reduced to, man?


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

why not Japan now by R343L (4.00 / 2) #3 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 02:35:45 AM EST
Israel later? I doubt either are going to disappear in the next 12 months.

And towards your penny-pinching ways, Japan is not as expensive as they say if you don't stay in pricey hotels (capsules or gaijin-hotels or ryokan are the way to go) and don't insist on driving places or going to really fancy restaurants (perfectly wonderful food can be had pretty cheap).


"There will be time, there will be time / To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet." -- Eliot
[ Parent ]

oh also by R343L (4.00 / 2) #4 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 02:36:53 AM EST
there is at least one husite (lylehaxon) out in Tokyo. If you were inclined to be social.

"There will be time, there will be time / To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet." -- Eliot
[ Parent ]

That's a mighty big if by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #5 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 03:42:15 AM EST

The same me that I am at home? That's the me that I am when I go on vacation, too. In fact, part of the appeal of both places is that neither will require anything of me, socially, and no one will give me a hard time about it. I can just take shitloads of HD video, and be on my way.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

I also vote japan by joh3n (4.00 / 2) #8 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 07:30:31 AM EST
but buy the HD cam there not here, since it will be smaller, better, and cheap enough to be sold ina  vending machine next to the panties.

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I just ate about 7 pounds of meat
-theantix
[ Parent ]

Please use TimeMachine.app to go back to yesterday by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #10 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 09:46:29 AM EST

and tell me that before 10:30am, Pacific time, so that I can change my order!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

I cant! by joh3n (4.00 / 1) #16 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 10:20:59 AM EST
Donut Wheel shipped my copies only yesterday!

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I just ate about 7 pounds of meat
-theantix
[ Parent ]

I was unpleasantly surprised to find that by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #19 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 10:44:43 AM EST
"build to order" actually adds a couple of days to the delivery date. I was all, "just tell me where that thing is, I'll build it to order myself," then I found the thing in southeast Asia.
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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Correction by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #18 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 10:30:21 AM EST
*in* the panties.
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ウセーバラケダ
[ Parent ]

Disappearing by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #17 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 10:29:36 AM EST
Presuming Pakistan's nukes stay out of the wrong hands.
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ウセーバラケダ
[ Parent ]

Mother stories by Vulch (4.00 / 2) #6 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 05:48:52 AM EST

Do you get the death list? I've not lived in the town since the mid 80s and was only there intermittently between starting university in 1977 and then, my parents knew a lot of people because dad was a local councillor and prominent local business man, I've no idea who 99% of the people are but still I have to be informed. On the other hand, the father of one of my best friends from school died and they sold off the farm and I didn't find out about that for 2 years...



I'm starting to get it by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #26 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 09:31:49 PM EST

but it's not in full swing now. There are still moments where my Mom seems to make the connection between "whether Mohammed knows someone or not" and "whether Mohammed gives a shit about them or not", but that threshold is shifting.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

WIPO by anonimouse (4.00 / 3) #7 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 06:07:53 AM EST
There is no such thing as free booty. It always costs you, someway or somehow.....

Your outlook on Match is pessimistic. We all get served with turds until we happen to finally get served with the chateaubriand we have been looking for.


Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL


In the given situation, it's a year-long relation by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #11 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 09:50:43 AM EST

which, it seems to me, someone is a little squeaky to get out of, but lacks the testicles to just say it. But yes, nothing is free. Ever.

My problem with match.com is that I feel the chateaubriand is a myth, and empirical and statistical analyses serve to reinforce that fact. If I did them, which I did not, though now I'm thinking of a plan...


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

child support's a bitch by sasquatchan (4.00 / 2) #14 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 09:57:11 AM EST
ain't it ?


[ Parent ]

the most disturbing thing about match.com by clock (4.00 / 3) #9 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 08:02:52 AM EST
is lumps people who meet on the internet through some normal means like irc or a collaborative media project into the same pile. 

yes, i met my wife on the intarweb...but it wasn't through e*harmony.  though we make a lot of jokes about e*hulver around our house.

fuckin' freaks.


Clock is right. [nt] --vorheesleatherface



Heralded by the dawning of AOL by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #13 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 09:56:57 AM EST

Companies have been ruining the Internet since they first figured out how to accept credit cards. The plan to market to desperate nerds, or, at the very least, people who sit in front of a computer all day, wasn't anything new; the demographics are obvious. The lonelier, the longer the audience is sitting right in front of the ad space. And they're basically selling the audience the audience. "Six months free" feels like a Soylent Green dinner buffet for some reason, and I don't particularly feel like RSVPing.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

the second turd by Merekat (4.00 / 1) #12 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 09:56:27 AM EST
...is probably just the first, reheated and gone mouldy.



I didn't want to slander the poor little dating by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #15 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 09:58:00 AM EST

company, but it is my understanding that this is the case.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Free by ad hoc (4.00 / 1) #20 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 02:12:01 PM EST
You should have seen the queue for people trying to get a free taco.

A taco!

And not even a real taco.
--
The three things that make a diamond also make a waffle.


That is just sad by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #25 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 09:30:31 PM EST

Unless every one of those people was really, really high, there is just no excuse for that sort of craziness. We've bottomed out as a species again!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Shit, Photoshop 7 doesn't work in Tiger? by fluffy (4.00 / 1) #21 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 07:32:49 PM EST
Damn, I was really looking forward to upgrading to Tiger, but no way am I spending $lots to upgrade Photoshop.  7 does way more than I need as it is.  Unfortunately, none of the cheap drawing apps come even close to doing everything I need.  (Pixelmator is a joke, GIMP is horrible on OSX, that one Cocoa port of GIMP I can never remember the name of lacks pretty much all useful functionality, ArtRage is fine for tinkering with natural media but rubbish when it comes to workflow, etc.)

Situations like this tempt me to write my own Photoshop-esque thing but no way do I have that kind of free time.
busy bees buzz | sockpuppet revolution


Maybe I won't dismiss Seashore so quickly by fluffy (4.00 / 1) #22 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 07:35:14 PM EST
Looks like it's come along rather well since the last time I looked at it.
busy bees buzz | sockpuppet revolution
[ Parent ]

Nope, still sucks for my needs by fluffy (4.00 / 1) #23 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 07:38:56 PM EST
Its text tool is a joke.  Considering most of what I do in Photoshop is drawing comics, that's a rather important feature.
busy bees buzz | sockpuppet revolution
[ Parent ]

Well, it's possible that it was a particular by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #24 Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 09:08:30 PM EST

aspect of my system, but yeah, the fucker won't launch now, citing "an unexpected and unrecoverable problem due to a program error". Mind you, I've not even tried the most rudimentary troubleshooting, but I fear she's dead, Jim. I don't use Photoshop often, but when I need it, I need it, and all the other apps fall way short, where 7.0 (hell, even 4.0 for me) did exactly what I needed it to do, when I needed it to do it. And that was back when it didn't cost an arm and a leg.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Dear Match.com Advertising Persons of Interest; | 26 comments (26 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback