Print Story A Day in the Life
Region Locking

That Citrix training I was promised? Yeah, it's right there with that advancement I was also promised. And the raise. There's Citrix training to be had, but not here, nosiree. It's too expensive here in Germany. Citrix offers training all over the world, even in Bulgrohungria. Do you see where this is going? I did as soon as my manager Vera mentioned it.

Sweet poll.
x-posted to da brog.



Citrix does offer training in Bulgrohungria but not in English. It's only available in the local Eastern European language which I, oddly enough, don't speak. Vera's great plan: send Mini-Me for the training. And she has another bright idea.

Vera has decided that it would be good to bring Mini-Me over here for "training", such training to be provided by this dog. Now I like the guy enough but there's one small problem which, despite me telling her repeatedly, Vera continues to ignore: I don't have anything to fucking train Mini-Me on! Nothing. Nada. Zip. Nimic. Diddly-squat.

I'm supposed to teach him Unicode? I haven't finished writing the training, a massive brain dump of everything I've learned over the past 30-some years about it and all related subjects. I'm supposed to teach him everything about I18N? Where the fuck would I start? I've never taught anyone I18N because as it applies to us, it's not something you can teach. You either know it or you don't. Citrix? How the fuck am I supposed to teach him anything about it when I haven't had any training myself?

Citrix training is shit to begin with. The company's software is built around licensing. The first classes are only concerned with licensing and license management. Fair enough, I guess, since you can't make Citrix work after installation without running all the goddamned licensing components. After that, who the fuck knows? I haven't had any fucking training and I can't get any time away from tickets to even try to figure out how this shit works.

If you want to do anything with Citrix, you have to become a member of the Citrix License Police Force. Cocksuckers.

My protests and explanations are being ignored. Vera's creaming to get Mini-Me over here. Call me a cynic (or maybe I recognise my own), but I can only surmise that Vera's doing this to try and shitcan both of us, me for failing to teach Mini-Me anything after we spent a couple thousand to get his ass over here, and him for not having learned anything after we spent a couple thousand to get his ass over here.

I don't begrudge him the trip. Hell, I'd like to meet him. It's also nice to travel on the company's dime and more power to him if he can swing it. But in this case there's precious little to be gained and much to be lost. I've got to write a formal E-Mail to Vera to recap the pointlessness of his trip in order to cover my ass and save his as well.

The real bitch of it all? The money Vera's willing to spend to bring Mini-Me over here is more than enough to cover my tuition for both the basic and advanced Citrix classes here, classes I could take and afterwards write and give presentations to spread the working knowledge throughout our division worldwide. Fuckwits. Sheer, utter, vindictive, scheming, dastardly fuckwits.

< You've got to be kidding me! | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
A Day in the Life | 4 comments (4 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Machiavelli says by anonimouse (2.00 / 0) #1 Fri Nov 30, 2007 at 04:25:00 AM EST
Why don't you sent the last paragraph (possibly minus last two sentences) to VerasManager?

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
Hmmm, possible reworking of those words by Linus Trollvalds (2.00 / 0) #4 Fri Nov 30, 2007 at 12:38:18 PM EST
"Dear Vera, it has come to my attention that the money you are willing to spend to bring Mini-Me over here is more than enough to cover my tuition for both the basic and advanced Citrix classes here. Classes I could take and afterwards write and give presentations to spread the working knowledge throughout our division worldwide. I think that paying for my Citrix classes would be more productive for the company as well as less costly than what you have proposed. Mini-Me can read my presentations and documentation over there, and would not need plane tickets to come here and go back there."

[ Parent ]
I had Citrix Training a few years back. by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #2 Fri Nov 30, 2007 at 04:33:30 AM EST
For a product that was discontinued right after I trained on it. Don't recall that I learned anything.


Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

Citrix isn't that hard to learn. by Linus Trollvalds (2.00 / 0) #3 Fri Nov 30, 2007 at 06:54:45 AM EST
I recall learning Citrix Metaframe for Windows NT 4.0 and Windows 2000. It wasn't that hard and it was originally written for OS/2 and ported to Windows.

What you could do is find a Citrix bittorrent and download it at home and run it on a spare system and get the experience you need from running your own version of it.

Another option is to find a Citrix book and buy it and read up on it.

You could also download a free version of the Citrix XP metaframe book which is an older version but it is free in PDF format.

Here is a free Citrix tweaks book which you can also download.

Some free Citrix exam books be careful of the advertisements and spam on this page.

O'Reilly has help with Citrix.

Borland has a Citrix tutorial book.

Those should be enough to get you started in the right direction. Good luck!

A Day in the Life | 4 comments (4 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback