Print Story Naturally, I can't tell you much about where I've been
Security
By MohammedNiyalSayeed (Sun Nov 25, 2007 at 03:56:54 PM EST) (all tags)

But I can show you some pictures. And pictures are worth 30 or 40 words, each, as the old saying goes, so here comes the motherfuckin' slide show, bitches. Make some popcorn. Kick those feet up. Open up that robe. Relax. Enjoy.



So, like I said, I went to a place. I can't tell you the name of that place, but I can tell you that it has affordable lodging.

I didn't stay there. It seems that it's not much of a hotel, anyway; the whole building is mainly used as a set. It seems the whole city is at least 50% straight-up bullshit. That's actually a little lower than I had expected. The toy district is pretty cool, and there's a nice uniform store that has these sweet-ass fireproof shirts, and, well, perhaps I've said too much.

Let us move on.

One important mission feature was the excellent spotting position I did manage to obtain. I can't say it was this building or not, but it was totally this building. 700x, stable, waiting for a green light.

Upon successful completion of my task, the operational name of which I cannot refer to directly but will call "Operation Eat Thanksgiving Dinner" for conversation's sake, I obtained some valuable intel on a future target:

Alleged former Troskyiite, in the heady late 80s. He is believed to be at-large, and likely armed. I know a lot more, but I can't give that shit away, as I'm sure you'll understand. I practically had to beg to get what I just gave you cleared. And yes, that's a fucking beret that fucker is wearing. WTF?

Finally, here's one more picture I took while on my mission:

You may recognize this from somewhere else. Or you may not. How the fuck would I know? What am I, your Mom or some shit?

Anyway, I can tell you this: at the end of a long multiple-day stretch in the field, it's really nice to unwind at someplace that has the taste of home; a cold Old Style, served at a place that keeps live worms in the fridge.

It is, however, unfortunate when that place turns out to have bought the sign in some sort of ironic nod towards Midwestern kitsch. Motherfuckers. Don't wear the uniform if you ain't selling the cookies.

So, I'm sure we all agree, they had it coming. Whatever they got, that is. Which I have no idea what that might be. Oh that? Drug-related incident, I'm sure.

Then I came home to the one thing I love, besides myself, of course:

A machine.

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Naturally, I can't tell you much about where I've been | 13 comments (13 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Pardon, Lord Vader, by ana (4.00 / 4) #1 Sun Nov 25, 2007 at 04:07:22 PM EST
but you seem to have left your helmet beside your machine.

Power up your flaming yo-yos already! --StackyMcRacky

Sometimes, at home, I like to take it off by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #2 Sun Nov 25, 2007 at 04:09:59 PM EST

I can almost feel the wind through my phantom hair when the A/C kicks on, you know...


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
but, but... by ana (4.00 / 1) #3 Sun Nov 25, 2007 at 04:17:21 PM EST
with no protection for the Beard of Great Justice...

/me shudders to think.

Power up your flaming yo-yos already! --StackyMcRacky

[ Parent ]
You still haven't answered my question by joh3n (4.00 / 2) #4 Sun Nov 25, 2007 at 04:30:20 PM EST
what kind of stay at home work can one get at donut wheel, inc?

LA is a shithole, no matter how pretty the pictures

Old Style:  Hell. Yeah.

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I just ate about 7 pounds of meat
-theantix

Oh yeah... by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #5 Sun Nov 25, 2007 at 05:30:13 PM EST

That'd be development work. I know there are a number of people in my division who develop apps from various home offices around the globe, ranging from Hawaii to Eastern Europe.

As for LA, I would tend to agree, though, of course, I cannot confirm nor deny that I was in LA. Or anywhere near Malibu.

\m/


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
excellent by LilFlightTest (4.00 / 2) #6 Sun Nov 25, 2007 at 06:12:58 PM EST
get my hubby a job there, would ya?
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if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake
[ Parent ]
Sure by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #7 Sun Nov 25, 2007 at 06:16:04 PM EST

You just install these 2000 servers I would normally be installing while I do that, ok?


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
okay. by LilFlightTest (4.00 / 2) #8 Sun Nov 25, 2007 at 06:23:25 PM EST
sounds like a blast.
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if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake
[ Parent ]
So I need to finish my Java Certification. by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #9 Mon Nov 26, 2007 at 02:58:12 AM EST
Which aside from the money involved, should be as easy as pooping out the extra four pounds I gained over this weekend.

Are you not entertained! Are! You! Not! Entertained! Is this not why you are here!"


[ Parent ]
Clarification, please by johnny (4.00 / 1) #10 Mon Nov 26, 2007 at 03:00:01 AM EST
Are you saying that there was no Old Style for sale at that place with the Old Style sign?

If so, I think the words of George Bush, pere, spoken to Congress on the eve of Operation Blow Shit Up in Iraq, Part One, are in order here:

This kind of bullshit can not stand, and it will not stand! (wild applause, throwing of flowers, lingerie, confetti, dead fish, etc., at feet of Leader of the Free World. . .)

Please contact me in re: assembling a coalition of the willing. If we let them get away with this, next thing you know they'll be sending their pretty boy actors and fancy-car driving plastic surgeons into the heart of the Midwest to perform liposuction and face lifts on corn and soybean farmers!
Buy my books, dammit!

They bought the Old Style sign by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #11 Mon Nov 26, 2007 at 04:49:24 AM EST

Without ever having any intention of buying Old Style to sell there. It's some heinous moral bargaining they're engaged in, and, as you are aware, it's completely unacceptable.

Await the signal on the secure line; that'll be the green light.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
aren't there laws against false advertizing? by garlic (4.00 / 1) #12 Mon Nov 26, 2007 at 05:08:12 AM EST


[ Parent ]
In ${placeIWas}, by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #13 Mon Nov 26, 2007 at 10:43:32 AM EST

false advertising is the rule. Or, rather, advertising is the rule, the falsehood is implied by the presence of the word "advertising".


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Naturally, I can't tell you much about where I've been | 13 comments (13 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback