And, after dinner, and a couple of beers (for me -- ana had a scotch-on-the-rocks), we went to Home De[s]pot for plumbing supplies (see breaking of the handle). Instead of simply getting the nut that would fix the important problem, I suggested that we get the kit that would fix all of our toilet problems. It had the flush kit, and the other kit, and the other kit. It had all the parts that make up the guts of the toilet. And hey -- I've replace flapper valves before. So why wouldn't I be up to this task.

At Home Depot, I was sober.

At home, I opened the toilet innards box and started reading the directions. Then I poured a glass of whiskey.

Then I couldn't get the float valve bit separated from the water-supplying part. Oh, wait. Before that, I couldn't get the fucking water turned off. Ana fixed it. Both of it.

Then, after ana managed to get the water-supplying bit unhooked, the tank came off (I did manage to loosen those bolts), the flapper valve bit wouldn't come loose. Again, ana to the rescue. A small chisel and a rubber mallet, and then the large nut just started turning.

"Okay, I've got it from here," I said. "It's just a matter of fitting the tank back on."

"Should I pour your more whiskey?" ana asked. I answered affirmatively.

There were instructions, so I thought I'd be fine. At 12:30 our time, ana came to see if I was okay. I'd already refilled my whiskey glass at least once. It might have been twice.

"A leak. Spurting from the nut that is on the water-supplying part." I said. "Tightening now, and think it's helping. At least I've fixed the other three leaks."

ana said ok, gave me a kiss, and went back to bed.

I eventuaally gave up. I poured another glass of whiskey, and found my husi account. I think there are still two small leaks in the toilet. I can't figure out why, but ana will be able to. Or, alternatively, I'll sheepishly call the plumber and explain why I'm an idiot. Thankfully, I can afford to call a plumber now. And we only spent $20 on the toilet guts we bought, so it hasn't been an expensive experiment so far.

The one thing I keep thinking is this -- my mother, she knew how to tear down a washing machine and rebuild it. When our toilets broke, she fixed them. The only thing plumbers were good for was running new lines to increase the range of her irrigation. I think my mother would be a little disappointed in me right now. Two friggin' leaks. Small leaks. I hope. She'd just fucking fix them. I wish I could call her to come over.