Print Story edmonton part one
By misslake (Tue Oct 23, 2007 at 07:26:37 PM EST) (all tags)
composed wednesday october 17, 2007.

in which misslake leaves home and arrives home.

last night i broke down numerous times. it's the leaving the really frustrates me. the process is tedious, painful and difficult.
yesterday was my last day in toronto for a while.
i met a friend for a breakfast date. a sort of friend. if the enemy of my enemy is my friend then the ex of my ex is my breakfast date and confidant. we meet frequently, agonize over our losses, share our sorrow, confess our secret loves and secret fears,  and act as a very small and very specialized support group. he's in calgary for business occasionally, so we plan on continuing our our odd dating.
then i returned to ni's burrow in the basement of the shawshack, and devoured another nap in his arms. we planned on going to the zoo, but only after getting our everythings in order first. we ended up sleeping late, then not getting much of anything done. it was almost 2 when we left for the zoo. because of a misleading website, we ended up taking a slightly longer than necessary ttc ride. we only barely made it before 3:30, when they stop admitting.
we had a little over an hour to see the entire zoo. we scanned the map, and decided on what is most urgent: wombats.
we rush towards the australasia pavilion, stopping briefly to see the yaks, the dromedaries and the bactrians. alas, despite the map extolling that the pavilion will be re-opened in fall 2007, the Aussies are all off display, save for a small herd of wallabies grazing across the pavilion's former lawn. we are disappointed, but we admire the oryxes, ilex, mountain sheeps, siberian tigers, monkeys and the mongolian horses. we marvel at the asian wild dogs, the sloths in their boxes, the marmosets and the ducks. the zoo is nearly overrun by canada geese. each blade of grass is cropped golf-green short, with carefully tended tufts of nettle, chamomile, sedge and thistles indicating their discerning taste. ni wonders who predates the geese, and then becomes intrigues by my revelation that humans eat them this time of year, and that they are rarely taken by other predators. it is an astounding amount of tame, well-fed yet lean and meaty biomass.
just as we are cooing over the ridonkulous fat prairie dogs and the hilarious little burrowing owls, we get asked to leave the americas pavilion, as it is well past closing. we make plans to return at some future time when we can visit the wombats. possibly december, since i have randomly set 'christmas' as the future time when visiting ontario will be most likely.
we share dinner at lalibela. we act like it's just another date, and not something momentous. this is not our last date at lalibela. this is not our last walk down bloor. this is not our last goodbye to mercy and dennis at the maple mini. i freak out. ni keeps his cool until late that evening. somehow, packing gets done. i have a very vague idea of what is happening with all my worldly possessions. we get to bed at 1, leaving only 4 hours before i must reawaken and begin my travels west.
overnight i call on my emergency inner reserves. i channel my mother. missMacKenzie is like a woman made of steel, strong, brittle, honed to a very cruel sharp edge. powerful and on the offensive, very hard and impenetrable looking. it is an impressive front, keeping everything at a distance. not one hit can be taken, or else the strength will shatter, revealing the tender heart underneath. but it is enormously useful as a protective field, and i call on it only when necessary. though i appear far more emotional and delicate than my mother, i have come to realize that the opposite is true. she wears her steel at all times because she is even more soft and squishy and vulnerable than i am. i leave with few tears, trying to be brave and strong for ni and everyone. i save the tears for when i am alone in the dark leather interior of the car that has come for me. the driver is silent as i weep through the dark streets. i leave ni with my copy of  "good bye sticky rice"
dawn comes while i wait for boarding. it's grey and misty.
air canada has put me on a fantastic new airbus, a large machine with lots of space and a very comfortable cabin. we each have individual tvs, and laptop plug-ins. i watch planet earth- deserts before the whole system goes down.
now i write to pass the hours until edmonton.
when the hostess comes with the trolley she apologizes for running out of breakfasts. the choice is turkey or roast beef sandwich, or mid-morning type snacks of crackers, carrots and chips. i consider the sandwiches. the beef looks like it is all meat and very little bun or anything else. the turkey comes on a ciabatta. i get the turkey. after opening my sandwich, i peel off all the turkey and see that there is naught but one piece of lettuce and 6 cranberries. i am starving, tired, bored, and in need of a little something... so i put one of the turkey slices back on the bun and eat it. hopefully it's enough protein to satisfy me until i get 'home' and not enough to give me any tummy trouble.
the tv system comes back on line and i fall asleep listening to david attenborough tell me all about caves.
the captain comes on, 9:55 AM local time, it's partly cloudy and 2 degrees in downtown edmonton. the plane descends and drops below the clouds. the landscape is all laid out beneath me, huge checker board squares of farm, rivers that cut deep ravines through the flat landscape.
the plane touches down in alberta.
now, i will be going home.
this is my new beginning.
< 2007.10.23: 10 PRINT "Cello World!" | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
edmonton part one | 36 comments (36 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
the zoo! by R343L (4.00 / 1) #1 Tue Oct 23, 2007 at 07:44:00 PM EST
Of course I must revisit Toronto just to go to the Zoo. And the AGO when they reopen for real.

Also, hug.

"There will be time, there will be time / To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet." -- Eliot

Wombat Tip by Phage (4.00 / 2) #2 Tue Oct 23, 2007 at 11:55:00 PM EST
Wombats (like a lot of Aus native fauna) is mostly nocturnal. To see the wombats, try and see a display when the keepers are handling/feeding them.

Trivia: Wombats have an armoured arse. When predators would chase them down the burrow the armour protected the wombat in flight, but could also be used as a weapon. By pushing up with the hindquarters the wombat could crush the skull of the pursuer against the roof of the burrow. World's best kids book.

Like Mr. T! by debacle (4.00 / 2) #10 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 04:45:23 AM EST
"I'll squeeze my butt cheeks and break off your dick, unnnngh!"


[ Parent ]
Errrrmmm - Possibly... by Phage (4.00 / 1) #17 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 06:40:30 AM EST
More tea vicar ?

[ Parent ]
Not an Eddie Murphy fan? [nt] by debacle (2.00 / 0) #18 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 07:03:33 AM EST


[ Parent ]
No - not since about 1984, sorry. by Phage (4.00 / 1) #23 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 07:59:06 AM EST

[ Parent ]
moving by Merekat (4.00 / 1) #3 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 02:53:56 AM EST
Even though I very badly wanted to leave Ireland, for the last week, every time I even looked at people or things, I wanted to cry.

Free to wander, by blixco (4.00 / 1) #4 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 03:05:09 AM EST
free to roam.  Moving means that you're able to leave.

Sometimes that's as shocking as not being able to.

You're in a new place, though, with much bigger horizons I bet.  A larger field of view.  More sky.

Take each day as the lesson it is.  Hopefully what is learned will be joyful.

If nothing else, when we bug out of Texas and head north under the weight of a collapsing dollar, we'll look you up and we can all sing campfire songs while the night falls down around humanity.
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin

You can display all the angst you want. by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #5 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 03:33:08 AM EST
I'm still incredibly envious of you. You've gotten off your ass and put yourself in a situation I love to be able to be in.

Now, since I'm apparently not supposed to give you #HUG#s, I'll just think nice (non-pervy, but still jealous) thoughts from here.

Dude! by ambrosen (4.00 / 2) #39 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 02:33:18 PM EST
I was just being thoughtless and lazy. I thought you liked the joke reputation. I didn't mean to repress you. Carry on being you.

[ Parent ]
Very well. Here's a #HUG# by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #41 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 05:21:22 PM EST
and a full body grind...

[ Parent ]
I've been going meat light for ethical reasons by garlic (2.00 / 0) #6 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 03:50:40 AM EST
for a while, but I still like meat. I'll occasionally go a little overboard having meat (I justify having meat when I'm someone else's guest, but I still overeat it then). The next day it has felt like I have some sort of hangover, presumably from the meat. Or perhaps from the alchohol, but it mentally feels like it's from the meat.

a brief echo... by clock (4.00 / 5) #7 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 04:01:12 AM EST you know how hard it is to get up, dust yourself off and start over?  yes.  yes you do.  it's so hard that most people can't or won't do it.  but once you are on your feet (and you are!) you should look around for a few minutes.  realize the power you have exhibited to the world.  understand for a brief moment that you are self-sufficient and capable.

you are the master of your destiny.

that's an amazing feeling.  between the battles with doubt, you should relish it.

I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

Thanks. by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #9 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 04:39:49 AM EST
That should help me find the courage to carry on with it. Baby steps and whatnot.

And more power to you, misslake.

[ Parent ]
yes! by R343L (4.00 / 1) #12 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 05:41:06 AM EST
What a wonderful way to word that. Thanks clock.

"There will be time, there will be time / To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet." -- Eliot
[ Parent ]
IAWTP by Phage (4.00 / 1) #15 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 06:37:47 AM EST
It's big, scary and bright, but you OWN it.

[ Parent ]
you have been sigged by iGrrrl (4.00 / 1) #11 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 05:08:36 AM EST
The last time I left somewhere I'd lived for a long time, it felt physical, like the roots were being pulled out. Good luck.

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

yes. it really feels like being uprooted. by misslake (4.00 / 2) #37 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 10:04:15 AM EST
though i hope it's going to be a "judicious pruning" as one of my old profs used to say.
there are parts of me that have gotten all tangled, parts that are withered and others that are overgrown.
time to cut it all back, cut out some of the older growth to stimulate strong branching and renewal!

[ Parent ]
my life is written from the 18th to 25th centuries by misslake (4.00 / 4) #13 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 05:43:16 AM EST
my diary is not requiring a grade.

i hope you are easier on your students now that you know people can be mellow dramatic and still be successful.

It was zero'ed for being rude by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #22 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 07:52:24 AM EST

[ Parent ]
I figured you were trolling, so I didn't zero you by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #26 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 08:25:17 AM EST
citing education and citing being a teacher while using "mellow dramatic", classic trolling technic. You're already more entertaining than egil or rmg.

[ Parent ]
Internet communication has only written cues by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #29 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 08:31:14 AM EST
sarcasm and wit can come off very poorly. If you don't know your audience (and they don't know you), use emoticons ( :) eg ), or restrict your joking to diaries where they are appreciated and expected, like Bob Abooeys.

If you really want to get off on the right foot, attend the next LHusi drinks and buy a round.

[ Parent ]
Ah - A troll by Phage (4.00 / 1) #43 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 10:18:46 PM EST
And you were doing so well.

[ Parent ]
how odd. by misslake (4.00 / 3) #36 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 09:54:18 AM EST
i was trying to me as polite as possible, while still discouraging you from making simmilar comments in the future.
you however, were being rude by saying that you'd have failed me.
you seem to have missed the point, this is a diary of my life, lightly edited for consumption by the husi community. it's florid by design. the tone was intentional.
it requires no ranking or grading. if you don't like my writing style or content, just don't read it. you don't need to tell me all about how much you don't like it. that is percieved as impolite and it will result in me thinking poorly of you.

had you left off the bit about failing me, i would have been eager to engage in an open exchange of ideas.

look here:
"Is it tjust [sic] me or was this written in the 19th cen [sic] in the 19th century? It sure sounds mellow dramatic [sic] in that way. If you were on [sic] of my students you'd have failed."

i did write this in a very emo, over the top kind of way because i do feel that my life sometimes resembles a victorian novel, wherin the heroine has just made a heroic brake with her past.

now, consider your comment without the last bit -
"Is it tjust [sic] me or was this written in the 19th cen [sic] in the 19th century? It sure sounds mellow dramatic [sic] in that way."
see how much different that is? it doesn't come off as rude or obnoxious. it seems like you are astuely commenting on my writing style.
following that revised comment, you might have engaged me in a discussion of how different writing styles can be employed to dramatize what might otherwise be a boring, dry sort of list of what i did yesterday.

now back to that last bit:
"If you were on [sic] of my students you'd have failed."
consider this from my point of view. i have no idea who you are or what you teach, though one might assume art. i have never engaged you in a discussion, never commented on any of your writing, and i have (as one might glean from the angsty diary) just gone through a challenging transition. your last bit is rude.

from that angle, can you see why you have been perceived as being a complete asshole?
you've been zeroed rendering your comment invisible because it's an inappropriate way to try and engage people in a discussion here.

[ Parent ]
Seven by Phage (4.00 / 1) #42 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 10:17:31 PM EST
Clearly and concisely put.

[ Parent ]
Mellow dramatic eh? by littlestar (4.00 / 3) #14 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 06:09:35 AM EST
If you were one of my students, I would be laughing at you.

I believe the word you were looking for is melodramatic oh great and wise teacher.

grading people by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #30 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 08:33:31 AM EST
Do you grade people's casual conversations?
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
and so humble (nt) by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #33 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 08:44:37 AM EST

[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
What sense would that be? by littlestar (4.00 / 3) #38 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 01:28:20 PM EST
What does mellow dramatic mean in the 'artistic sense'? Is it mellow which has a meaning other then these:
1.    soft, sweet, and full-flavored from ripeness, as fruit.
2.    well-matured, as wines.
3.    soft and rich, as sound, tones, color, or light.
4.    made gentle and compassionate by age or maturity; softened.
5.    friable or loamy, as soil.
6.    mildly and pleasantly intoxicated or high.
7.    pleasantly agreeable; free from tension, discord, etc.: a mellow neighborhood.
8.    affably relaxed; easygoing; genial: a mellow teacher who is very popular with her students.
–verb (used with object), verb (used without object)
9.    to make or become mellow.
10.    Slang. a state, atmosphere, or mood of ease and gentle relaxation.
—Verb phrase
11.    mellow out, Slang.
a.    to become detached from worry, strife, stress, etc.; relax: After final exams let's go down to the beach and mellow out.
b.    to make more relaxed, agreeable, workable, etc.; soften or smooth: Chopin really mellows me out when I'm feeling tense.

Are you really sure, that you didn't just make a mistake, and perhaps need to come to terms with being a student, not a teacher? (The word is melodramatic, which surprisingly has the exact meaning that you seemed to be trying to convey.. how strange.)

It's no biggie, people make mistakes all the time, but you REALLY come across as less of an idiot if you just own up to it, and stop sitting on such a high horse while you do it.

[ Parent ]
I found this response by Phage (2.00 / 0) #44 Thu Oct 25, 2007 at 04:25:24 AM EST

[ Parent ]
How very by littlestar (2.00 / 0) #45 Thu Oct 25, 2007 at 12:36:13 PM EST

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They've deleted the parent by Phage (2.00 / 0) #46 Thu Oct 25, 2007 at 10:59:56 PM EST
Please accept my apologies. This comment was replying to a troll post.

[ Parent ]
Guffaw ! by Phage (4.00 / 1) #16 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 06:38:59 AM EST
Where do you think you are exactly ?

DIAF. by Captain Tenille (4.00 / 1) #25 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 08:23:19 AM EST


/* You are not expected to understand this. */

(Comment Deleted) by yicky yacky (4.00 / 4) #35 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 08:58:30 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by yicky yacky

[ Parent ]
Now I see why your husband left you by komet (4.00 / 3) #34 Wed Oct 24, 2007 at 08:49:39 AM EST
good for him.

<ni> komet: You are functionally illiterate as regards trashy erotica.
edmonton part one | 36 comments (36 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback