i'm still holding my breath. and i will be for quite a while. i've started taking comfort in my daily rituals: work; pick up my beloved from her office; get home safely; let her sleep; work in my studio; make dinner and lunches; wake her; eat; walk the dog; work in the studio; wake her; shower; bed.
it doesn't sound like much fun, but it helps me stay calm. she looks tired. she's always on the verge of nausea. she can't function very well and what energy she has is spent at work. this weekend, she slept almost constantly. a walk around the block was almost too much. i sat and played video games while she napped on the couch. she seemed to enjoy the plotless blinking lights and my near constant swearing.
she's not herself. and she knows it. and while it's "well within tolerances" it's not ok. does that make sense?
creatively, my life is good. as i posted in the hole (my first shameless plug), my album hit itunes. i'm pretty excited about that. it's more of a personal goal thing than anything else. i don't expect to sell 1000 copies or whatever. i finished it and that's what counts. and the stuff i've been recording lately doesn't suck too much. i might have another collection done before i know it. i think i have three tracks down, including my banjo debut. look out bela fleck! or frank proffit! or...um...that toothless guy that used to play on the loading dock at that one place i used to walk by!
i'm reading about six books right now. so i should be done with them in a month. we just got the omnivore's dillemma and 1491 based on husi reviews. i'm leaving those alone until i finish confessions of a barbarian (edward abbey's journals), ulysses and the collection of roger sessions personal correspondence (yay quarter price books!) which are scattered about my sitting places. anybody know of any non-insulting books for impending fathers? the ones i have perused are just awful. i'm reading other stuff as well, but the titles are eluding me. i plan to keep a list this year. oh, and thanks to CRwM i have a pile in the "i really need to get those" list. fucker.
spending a lot of time on my linux box these days. i'm back to a 100% linux recording experience and i have to say, i missed it. i made a lot of excuses for the shortcomings on my powerbook. garageband was neat for quick sketches, but it lacks a lot of features that ardour/muse/hydrogen/zynaddsubfx bring. i never really got freqtweak to run on os x. and my usb sound brick sucks ass compared to the 8/8 goodness of my rme hammerfall card (not a failing of os x...more about me not wanting to drop the ca$h). for some reason, i'm using KDE for the moment. i think debian hosed up a gnome package and i didn't want to fuck with it. i'll be going back to xfce directly, methinks. i'm a whore when it comes to desktop environments and i like to change it up, but so far KDE doesn't bring the love. before long, i'll get sick of it all and go back to mommy (fluxbox).
to review: i love my wife. i'm a happy man and a better person because of her. i'm more true to myself now than ever before. and things are really, really good.
and i'm scared.
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