it has been two months since the end of my relationship with misslake. it seems a long time in its way, though it is dwarfed by the full third of my life that we spent together.

i haven't talked about it much here (and that's not likely to change) but i hope you know it's not because i don't love you guys. i'm thankful for the support that you have given her when she needed it and for the kind words that have come my way even though i didn't reach out for them.

we're still both living at the shawshack and that's been both good and bad. but mostly good i think. the people here are wonderful and have been  better friends than i deserved. ni especially has given of himself endlessly and someday i hope to be able to repay him.

i know people here (where here is both husi and toronto) have suggested that we should really be putting more distance between ourselves, and this isn't bad advice. but i think it has actually been good for us to have the contact we have had for the past few months. certainly we have hurt each other in that time, hurt which has been compounded onto greater hurt. but i feel that now we are better equipped to heal. now we are ready for distance.

i only hope that what we have right now can survive the two weeks before misslake's departure.

speaking of which, though the shawshack will live on, its first era (or perhaps its second, for there was a definite shift when ni arrived and k* departed for chicago) is coming soon to a close.

in less than two weeks misslake flies to amsterdam. shortly before she returns, i will be flying to london, where our paths will cross for lHusi drinks.

afterwards, misslake will return to the shawshack's waiting bosom. i do not intend to do the same.

i do not indulge frequently in nostalgia--preemptive nostalgia even less so--but the thought makes me sad. this has been a wonderful home. i haven't mentioned this to anyone else yet, but i think jan 12 may be an appropriate date for a party. happy trails to misslake and adieu to an iteration of a home.

christmas vacation has overall been wonderful. because of the nature of $programming job, i had all of last week and this week off. and because E was going to be in the city (and also, in no small part, because of the crappy weather) i scheduled that same period off from couriering (actually, i was supposed to courier tomorrow, but will not be doing so for reasons that will become clear).

i took advantage of the respite from work to:

• spend time with my mom and my sisters
• play cranium (arguably the ultimate board game)
• drive too much, but derive extreme pleasure from it
• spend an entire phenethylamine afternoon building racetracks for RC cars with rhooke
• get back into civ 4
• take a couple of baby steps towards rebuilding a relationship with my father (with whom pretty much my only interaction in the past few years has been an awkward phone call on my birthday)
• consume rather a lot of whiskey, some of it quite tasty
• see a lot of bad movies
• etc etc etc

and yesterday. yesterday was misslake's birthday. yesterday was the last evening with E. yesterday was the night that found ni and i up later than everyone else and looking for mischief.

mischief that resulted in me dropping an approximately 120 pound manhole cover on my foot.

it sucked rather a lot.

fortunately, insufflated hydromorphone seems to be a perfect therapeutic match.

except that it seems to be negatively affecting my ability to put together a coherent diary. so i shall leave off here before matters grow any worse.