Print Story Dead Rising: A Review
Diary
By thenick (Fri Sep 01, 2006 at 07:30:15 AM EST) Xbox 360, ZOMG, 007, Crap (all tags)
I finally broke down and bought an Xbox 360. I know, last time I owned an Xbox, the repair division of Microsoft called me a potential terrorist and refused to fix my system. But this time, it's going to be different, Microsoft promised. Microsoft just gets frustrated with me and I know deep down inside, Microsoft really loves me.

Anyways, for the second time in my life, I bought a system solely to play a zombie game, the first being the PSX and Resident Evil. This time, I picked up an Xbox 360 and Dead Rising, along with a used copy of Perfect Dark: Zero, the sequel to the N64 title created by Rare. I also downloaded the Uno demo from the Xbox Live Marketplace, thinking I could relive a part of my childhood by playing a card game I could kick ass at almost 20 years ago.



Dead Rising

Pro: You can kill zombies with a lawn mower, which eventually clogs. Then you can pick the mower up and beat them with it. When that breaks, you can beat them into submission with things like park benches, and TVs, or slice them with chainsaws and tree pruners. Some items can be heated, like a frying pan, then used to burn the zombies into submission.

Con: Who cares, you can run zombies over with a lawn mower.

Pro: The occasional zombie becomes a "twitcher" and need to be killed again.

Con: A friggin industrial push mower. There's a grinding noise and they zombies are pulled under the deck.

Equivalency Rating: Like Christmas morning, when you were seven and opened up the Lego Monorail set.

Perfect Dark: Zero

Pro: It's a pretty decent FPS with lots of weapon options and multiplayer games.

Con: I can't aim for shit.

Pro: The Cover feature makes fighting from behind objects easy and fun.

Con: The lock picking tool has no use except to delay you from getting into a door.

Equivalency Rating: Like a free sample of Tide detergent in your mailbox.

Uno: The Video Game

Pro: It doesn't look too bad graphically.

Con: What the hell is a challenge? I kept getting down to one card, then I'd get challenged and end up with three more cards. I'm deleting this game as soon as I get home.

Pro: I don't know. Uh, how about the fact that no animals were harmed in the making of this game?

Con: I don't know who's ruleset they used, but I've never even heard of some of the crap the computer pulled. For example: A Draw Four card means that you end up with eight cards. Welcome to Crazyland, Population: Uno.

Equivalency Rating: Like getting molested at camp during fifth grade. It was confusing and made me want to block the entire experience from my memory. Uno, that is.

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Dead Rising: A Review | 14 comments (14 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Curse your cruel heart by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #1 Fri Sep 01, 2006 at 07:35:29 AM EST
I never got the Lego Monorail for Christmas, I've never even seen one in real life.


hell by MM (4.00 / 1) #4 Fri Sep 01, 2006 at 10:36:17 AM EST
if I got it for christmas now it would still be the best present EVAR.

[ Parent ]
About $300 on ebay stores by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #5 Fri Sep 01, 2006 at 10:53:26 AM EST
or you could get lucky at a garage sale, or trying to get it from college students who'd rather have beer than Lego.


[ Parent ]
IAWTP by debacle (4.00 / 1) #6 Fri Sep 01, 2006 at 11:08:49 AM EST
I hope you burn in hell, thenick.

IF YOU HAVE TWO FIRLES THOROWNF MONEY ART SUOCIDE GIRLS STRIPPER HPW CAN YPUS :OSE?!?!?!?(elcevisides).

[ Parent ]
Ready to really hate me? by thenick (2.00 / 0) #10 Fri Sep 01, 2006 at 07:09:34 PM EST
I had the space monorail and the airport monorail.

 
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"'Vengence is Mine', quoth Alvis. And then he shot the guy, right in the freaking face!"

[ Parent ]
That's really sad by debacle (2.00 / 0) #11 Fri Sep 01, 2006 at 07:40:39 PM EST
There's children starving in India, man. What kind of people were your parents?

IF YOU HAVE TWO FIRLES THOROWNF MONEY ART SUOCIDE GIRLS STRIPPER HPW CAN YPUS :OSE?!?!?!?(elcevisides).

[ Parent ]
So Dead Rising is good by paperdoll (4.00 / 1) #2 Fri Sep 01, 2006 at 08:04:24 AM EST
We've been thinking of renting a 360 just to play that game.  We are certified zombie freaks.  G loves his Xbox on some strange level that I can't explain and sees no reason to upgrade it yet.  I like to watch him play it's like watching TV but when you yell at the characters they listen. 

Probably the best game since GTA:SA by thenick (2.00 / 0) #12 Fri Sep 01, 2006 at 07:42:04 PM EST
About five minutes into every game, I start laughing at the absurdity of hacking a mall full of zombies to death with 2x4s, shotguns, and knives. It's an open-ended celebration of gore and all things apocalyptic.

 
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"'Vengence is Mine', quoth Alvis. And then he shot the guy, right in the freaking face!"

[ Parent ]
Garrrrrrrrrrrrrr! by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #3 Fri Sep 01, 2006 at 10:15:41 AM EST

My kingdom for an Xbox 360 and Dead Rising! Er, well, not my kingdom, per se, but, like, 500 bucks or something. Actually, I have no clue what my problem is. I'll buy it this weekend.

Also, Uno: the videogame? Just when I thought there might be some justice in this world...


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
They made a single-player monopoly game by debacle (4.00 / 1) #7 Fri Sep 01, 2006 at 11:09:37 AM EST
Back in 95.

Single-player! There wasn't even hotseat play!


IF YOU HAVE TWO FIRLES THOROWNF MONEY ART SUOCIDE GIRLS STRIPPER HPW CAN YPUS :OSE?!?!?!?(elcevisides).

[ Parent ]
There's a place for people who do things like that by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #13 Mon Sep 04, 2006 at 07:05:36 PM EST

And it's the Hague. In front of a war crimes tribunal.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Actually, $516.39 exactly by thenick (4.00 / 1) #9 Fri Sep 01, 2006 at 07:07:40 PM EST
But considering I can plug in my iPod into the Xbox and listen to The Man Comes Around by Johnny Cash while bashing zombies with a baseball bat, it's worth it.

 
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"'Vengence is Mine', quoth Alvis. And then he shot the guy, right in the freaking face!"

[ Parent ]
That does it by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #14 Mon Sep 04, 2006 at 07:06:17 PM EST

I resisted this weekend, but next weekend, it's on, zombies!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
From my fuzzy memories of Uno as a kid. by Greener (2.00 / 0) #8 Fri Sep 01, 2006 at 02:49:56 PM EST
Aren't you supposed to call Uno when you're down to one card. If you don't and someone notices and calls you on it you have to pick up.

I don't know how you'd call uno on a computer though. Is there a button?

Dead Rising: A Review | 14 comments (14 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback