Print Story Same Old Song
Diary
By CheeseburgerBrown (Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 07:34:52 AM EST) work, home, arts & crafts (all tags)
I am the cheeseburger. Say it, bitch!


Work

I am drawing near to my six month anniversary with the full-time job, and thus drawing near to the consequential and infamous Six Month Review -- a time when me and my keepers get together to discuss my performance and productivity, and reassess my remuneration.

Provided I pass through the review unscathed my health benefits package will be activated the following week and I'll no longer have to wear a bright orange speedo that says TRAINEE across the fanny.

As regular readers already know, I work for a company that produces events -- corporate annual general meetings, celebrity roasts, album launches, that sort of thing. We fly people around and book them hotel rooms and arrange catering and design sets, cue lighting and create multi-screen video shows for their edutainment.

My responsibility is to make sure all of the napkins on the dinner tables are folded just right.

The tricksy thing about my Six Month Review is that it is being split into two components, a regular session and a secret session. The purpose of the secret session is to discuss my salary, and the reason why it is a secret is because they don't pay my manager enough money and they don't want her to be privy to the details of my compensation. They'd rather string her along on the cheap for a while longer.

I am uncomfortable about this.

My manager, the Vice-President of Getting Shit Done, has been my ally in my contract negotiations, and was immeasurably helpful in pushing to get my review scheduled on time (rather than six or eight or fourteen months late, as is the norm). She has always been there to facilitate getting shit done. She is a tireless, devoted and resourceful member of the company. (And, for the record, she has a fine set of maracas.)

However, the Vice-President of Very Important Things has made it clear to me that my imminent raise is classified information with regard to the Vice-President of Getting Shit Done. And since the Vice-President of Very Important Things has considerable sway when it comes to deciding the particulars of my raise, I am loath to piss her off. (Even though her maracas are humble.)

I've mentioned my discomfort with this sort of political tomfoolery to the Lady Producer, Art Units A and B, and even Girl Wonder Production Assistant, as it is my feeling that having news of the secret session leak out as a part of agonized advice seeking on my part is a defensible way for the beans to be spilled. I should like it that if and when the Vice-President of Getting Shit Done eventually hears about the secret session she also hears that I was upset about keeping her in the dark.

The other alternative -- namely, going into her office and telling her about it right now -- makes me nervous. If I'm going to rock the boat by directly violating orders from the Vice-President of Very Important Things I'd at least like to have a sign-off on my raise, first.

Always looking out for number one. Ain't I a hero?


Home

I'm pretty much at a total loss to understand how people with multiple children function without a live-in au pair girl. I'm reasonably terrified of how things will pan out once ours returns home a fortnight hence. Who will do the things I'm too lazy to do then? Hell!

Baby Yam is fat and happy. He is possessed of a burning ambition to stand under his own power, constantly dragging his chubby self up the side of chairs, laundry baskets, ottomen. Upon doing so he breaks into an ecstatic grin and squeals in joy for the brief instant before he falls down.

He eats like a teenager. I have never seen the like. He's turning into a giant, engineering new tissues out of pulverized vegetables and banana cookies at an astonishing speed. At this rate he's going to be able to beat me up soon.

His hair is coming in blonde. His eyes have settled steely grey. He is a living dimple spill.

Young Popsicle is also doing well, though I admit I was somewhat disturbed the other week when she unceremoniously killed off one of her beloved imaginary friends. Nada is six-inch-tall girl with a green dress and long hair of red and blue whom Popsicle reports as being constantly at her side, and is frequently overheard being scolding for "troublemaking." Recently Popsicle informed me that she had accidentally sat on Nada and squished her, and that Nada had succumbed to her injuries and passed away.

"Maybe we need an imaginary ambulance," I suggested. "We should get her into the imaginary ER -- STAT."

"No, she is already died. She gotted squished. But it was a accident."

"Oh no!"

"But that's okay."

"It is?"

"Sure. There is an another Nada, too."

"Nada Two?"

"No, just Nada. But an another one."

Littlestar is good, too. We have been spoiled by having Mademoiselle J. around and so have become used to popping out for opportunistic dates to the movies or dinner or to friends' houses for drinks and chatter. Littlestar even got to work on her music for a while the other day, a relatively rare event in these busy days. In a few weeks she starts teaching choir, so such times will become doubly precious.

At work the men talk about how their wives don't have sex with them. I smile and nod, but have nothing to contribute. There must be something wrong with Littlestar, because she continues to put out with enthusiasm and style. She has, in this respect, utterly failed to be normal -- leaving me holding the bag with no punchline to chime in with my chums come bitching time.

What's a man to do? Grin and bear it, I reckon.


Arts & Crafts

Yes, there is a new website and a new blog, and both are being launched with a new serialized novella -- twenty chapters posted over twenty working days, beginning Tuesday 22 August 2006.

When that's done expect a slew of contemporary fiction short stories, connected by characters in common (some of whom have already made appearences in the short story Victor's Mom's Car from a couple of months back), riding the rails of my usual themes including debauchery, drink, destiny and the shallow ruse of dignity.


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Same Old Song | 18 comments (18 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Another Nada by DullTrev (4.00 / 5) #1 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 07:44:58 AM EST

You know Popsicle is just saying that to spare your feelings, right?

Re: Work. Now you get why we all hate our jobs. It's not the job so much as the people. It only takes one situation to make the whole thing icky for months and years to come. Bah, humbug, etc.


--
DFJ?
This Job Would Be Ideal... by CheeseburgerBrown (2.00 / 0) #6 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 09:26:46 AM EST
I hate you, you lucky bastard. by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #2 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 08:04:59 AM EST
Just like always.

There's something to be said for waiting around 'till the woman picks you instead of trying to pick a woman and having it all go to hell...

Don't Worry. by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 1) #8 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 09:30:14 AM EST
I'll probably even things out by dying of cancer next year or something.

There's always hope.


I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da. We are a simple, grease-loving people who enjoy le weekend de ski.
[ Parent ]
I contemplated giving this a '1' by curmudgeon (4.00 / 2) #16 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 08:07:35 PM EST
One more miserable person in the world won't make me any less miserable. May you both live long, healthy lives, and fuck like rabbits the rest of your days.

No, if there was justice, *I'd* die of cancer next year, not you.
---
Get over it.

[ Parent ]
*kiss* by littlestar (4.00 / 1) #14 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 04:24:07 PM EST

*twinkle*twinkle*


[ Parent ]
Thanks babydoll. by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #15 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 05:50:41 PM EST
Sadly, I don't have enough time left to just wait around. If Plan Escape-to-Candide-ia is ever executed, you can play match maker for me if you like.

Now go boink your man!

[ Parent ]
Crappy Spot by duxup (2.00 / 0) #3 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 08:28:14 AM EST
Does the VP Getting Shit Done know your current salary or will she be privy to your new salary?

Typically all my bosses know what I’m paid and etc.  Those that did not know and were called my boss weren’t really my boss in the end.

I don’t blame you for being wary either way.  Personally I avoid office politics at all costs.  As a rule I think that making enemies and such is a bad idea.  I’ve found that staying out of that crap means folks on any side of an issue will likely think of you at worst as not a threat and sometimes even an ally (even if you’re not).  I’m just at work to get my stuff done, get paid, and go home.  Not to sneak around or worry about who I like or don’t like. 

Hopefully the VP Getting Shit won’t take it personally if or when she finds out.  I don’t think I could blame anyone in such a situation.  You’re new, you’re given orders from a superior, there could be a lot of stuff you don’t know about surrounding the issue.  I don’t see much choice in the matter.
____

Weird Politics by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 1) #7 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 09:29:22 AM EST
As far as I know, only the Vice-President of Very Important Things and the President of the United States of Paycheques are privy to everyone's salary.

The VP of VIT takes that sort of privacy very seriously. In fact, she asked me to close the door to her office when I was asking a question about vacation days. She didn't want somebody to walk by and find out (gasp!) the quantity of such days I have at my disposal. This is especially lame since everybody in my division has the exact same number of vacation days.

I'm just crossing my fingers and trying to stay clean.


I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da. We are a simple, grease-loving people who enjoy le weekend de ski.
[ Parent ]
a wild guess by clover kicker (4.00 / 1) #4 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 08:49:28 AM EST
> I'm pretty much at a total loss to understand how
> people with multiple children function without a
> live-in au pair girl. I'm reasonably terrified of
> how things will pan out once ours returns home a
> fortnight hence. Who will do the things I'm too
> lazy to do then?

> We have been spoiled by having Mademoiselle J.
> around and so have become used to popping out for
> opportunistic dates to the movies or dinner or to
> friends' houses for drinks and chatter

> At work the men talk about how their wives don't
> have sex with them. I smile and nod, but have
> nothing to contribute. There must be something
> wrong with Littlestar, because she continues to
> put out with enthusiasm and style.

Hmm, do ya suppose a lighter domestic load and actually getting out of the house together sometimes might help your sex life?

Sex Cop Outs by CheeseburgerBrown (2.00 / 0) #5 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 09:25:58 AM EST
Hmm, do ya suppose a lighter domestic load and actually getting out of the house together sometimes might help your sex life?

Nope. We were having a fresh and fine time of it before Mlle. J. came, and that's when the child was still in the worst of the colic.

The most common sex cop out I hear is, "We're too tired and busy." I just don't buy it. When folks are into it they rise to the occasion.


I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da. We are a simple, grease-loving people who enjoy le weekend de ski.
[ Parent ]
most people can't communicate by MM (4.00 / 3) #9 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 09:57:22 AM EST
I'd say...about 90% of the population has no clue how to talk to other people about non-superficial issues. I think that covers most of the western world's lack of married sex getting.

[ Parent ]
I have the opposite problem by cam (4.00 / 1) #11 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 01:22:20 PM EST
I am sure my neighbours avoid me on small-chat because I am uncomfortable doing it. Don't get me wrong, I get on good with them, and am friends with them, but I am sure my personal discomfort on smalltalk affects others.

cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

[ Parent ]
you're having sex with the neighbors? by MM (4.00 / 2) #12 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 01:31:28 PM EST
whoa!

[ Parent ]
All I can get by cam (2.00 / 0) #13 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 04:23:31 PM EST
All you can get? by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #17 Wed Aug 23, 2006 at 03:36:32 AM EST
What? Do they tell you "No Kissing", as well?

[ Parent ]
No Kissing is very desirable by cam (2.00 / 0) #18 Wed Aug 23, 2006 at 05:32:26 AM EST
It is a quote from Slapshot. Paul Newman put a bounty on an opponents hockey players head. The other hockey player is disgusted and says, "You suck cock.", Newman shrugs, knowing he in the wrong, and can do nothing about it and says, "All I can get."

cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

[ Parent ]
unasked for advice re barn doors by iGrrrl (4.00 / 3) #10 Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 11:23:41 AM EST
I've mentioned my discomfort with this sort of political tomfoolery to the Lady Producer, Art Units A and B, and even Girl Wonder Production Assistant, as it is my feeling that having news of the secret session leak out as a part of agonized advice seeking on my part is a defensible way for the beans to be spilled. I should like it that if and when the Vice-President of Getting Shit Done eventually hears about the secret session she also hears that I was upset about keeping her in the dark.

Not a great move, imo, although I'm a great supporter of strategic griping to the people who work with me, which is most often actual griping with appropriate edits.  I'm going to suggest that you might have done better to wait and complain about it after.  Also, for all you know, this is how it's always done, and the VP of GSD is accepting of the practice.  People hear things, including VPs.

To further cement my increasing pointy-haird-ness, I might also suggest that in the tragedy of monkey-mind behavior to which most people are subject, some level of barrier between boss and subordinate isn't a bad thing to maintain.  There is a fine line between making sure that you're "one of us" enough that you can get honest feedback, and the TMI sharing that diminishes your status (however unconsciously) in their eyes.  (I should note that this is not an issue with toxicfur, but I believe the situation is unusual.) 

I hate politics, too, but I think of the human interactions element as a hacking problem within the parameters of primate behavior. 

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

Same Old Song | 18 comments (18 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback