Print Story This isn't art, this is a documentary

And it isn't cinema verité; it's real fucking life.



[1] Furniture: A Tale of Affected Northern Europeanity via Scandinavian Designs

It's Saturday, and all the furniture I was waiting for today has arrived, and early, at that. How the fuck did that happen? I am going to try writing this in a hurry, and going up to Berzerkley to watch A Scanner Darkly with Philip K. Dick's daughters and Mssr. Linklater. Hopefully I can make it.

[2] Music, Live: I'm going to see Matt Sharp perform tonight. I have no joke, I just like saying "I'm going to see Matt Sharp perform tonight". The Rentals and Motherfuckin' Ozma, yo. Be there, or miss out. I wonder if I can get in for free if I show my ID...

[3] Food: I ate at Dishdash last night, in Sunnyvale, and I'll be damned if that wasn't some friggin' awesome food. We should totally invade the Middle East and take their food. It's the only thing they've got worth stealing, and they won't be able to do a damned thing about it. Kind of like ...

[4] Israel!: I just have this to say; for years, the Israelis played nice. All that time, they were scolded for being mean. Attention Lebanese People: Do you motherfuckers see the difference between being mean and being nice now? Oh, what's that? You can't answer me because your backbone to TEH INTARWEBS dun' got blown the FUCK up? Too bad for you. Let your Imperative Whining commence, babies. Tomorrow you're going to get bombed again. And the day after that. Some day you may notice that the frequency and pitch with which you whine has no effect on the frequency and pitch with which and from whence your airport gets blown the fuck up.

[5] Further!: Attention Americans in Lebanon: read travel advisories at some point. If you want out, get out. Quit wasting my fucking tax money (and what with the increase in my pay, I've seen the proof that that money is mine, you poor olive-selling sons of bitches) on the Marines having to bail your ass out.

So how long until the lawsuits against the US government start piling up from poor Americans who weren't saved by Super Hyper Mega Robo World Cop, Sgt. Uncle Sam?

Let them die.

Everybody dies.

And let the global warming burn the whole of humanity. Good riddance.

OK, gotta go to yoga[*] then get a fruit smoothie! Lates! Imagine me making a little "call me" sign with my hand, then wiggling it back and forth with a really plastic smile as I cruise away in my brand new Mercedes G500. This is California, bitch!

[*] - how else will I ever become flexible enough to suckle my own ballsack?

[Addendum] MillFonz: I just wanted to say that I am amused with the sitcom possibilities of MillMan accepting an offer to live in my garage, and the parallels the story arcs would have to "Happy Days".

< Everything is gonna burn | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
This isn't art, this is a documentary | 22 comments (22 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
wait by MillMan (4.00 / 1) #1 Sat Jul 22, 2006 at 01:59:29 PM EST
the show is tonight? I thought it was last night...good thing I didn't try to go. Now, I might...

Everybody still hates me in this city and I hate everybody.

Well, you know the deal know, dude by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #2 Sat Jul 22, 2006 at 02:10:25 PM EST

I'll be the TOTALLY AWESOME BALD DUDE AT THE SHOW. Hopefully with the two 19 year old Thai hookers, but that's another story altogether.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
I'll show up around 8:30, probably by MillMan (4.00 / 1) #5 Sat Jul 22, 2006 at 02:13:56 PM EST
I'll be the anonymous looking white dude.

Everybody still hates me in this city and I hate everybody.

[ Parent ]
Oh, I'll know as soon as you get within 100 ft by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #8 Sat Jul 22, 2006 at 03:07:10 PM EST

I totally RFID'd your beer, dude!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
I'm bored, you're boarding the 504 out of town by yankeehack (4.00 / 1) #6 Sat Jul 22, 2006 at 02:15:31 PM EST
It's late, so look straight, don't pull your eyes off the ground/
You sit and wait across the gate, the minutes stretch/ themselves so long/
You'll never be my destiny, because my destination's wrong/

Right coast, left coast/
Drifting round and round/
I'm lost, always, and i know i can't be found/
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

[ Parent ]
\m/ OZMA \m/ by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #9 Sat Jul 22, 2006 at 03:07:44 PM EST
The Rockinest.
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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
On the TV, is that Newt? by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #3 Sat Jul 22, 2006 at 02:12:51 PM EST
Giving it "World War III!  World War III, beeyatches!  Let's [1] roll!"

If not, change the channel until it is, would you, then crank up the volume until your tofu knitting neighbours are bleeding liberally from their ears.

[1] Let's you and them fight!

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

There were some nice awkward moments by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 3) #12 Sat Jul 22, 2006 at 03:13:08 PM EST

Last night at the middle-eastern food joint, wherein my israeli friend and I got into an enthusiastic discussion on the matters at hand, but nobody blew me up with a suicide belt, so all's well that ends well. Plus, it's the new neighborhood, you know. Much like with a new puppy, you have to quickly assert the neighborhood alpha male role, with peeing on all the trees and alleys near the pubs, and getting into fights with locals. If you don't, a new neighborhood can eat you alive.

But I'll leave the tv on, just because. After all, the state told me to turn it off to save power. Fuck them! Build nuclear power plants like I told you motherfuckers in the numerous letters I write to you about same said subject!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
IAWTD by spacejack (4.00 / 1) #4 Sat Jul 22, 2006 at 02:13:29 PM EST
That is amusing! Husi needs a sitcom like that.

I can't wait for the season with Mork by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #11 Sat Jul 22, 2006 at 03:09:02 PM EST

and can't wait to see who gets picked to play the part of Joannie!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Yeah but by spacejack (4.00 / 1) #14 Sat Jul 22, 2006 at 03:51:45 PM EST
if Ted McGinley shows up, I stop watching.

[ Parent ]
Cornershop by yankeehack (4.00 / 3) #7 Sat Jul 22, 2006 at 02:17:22 PM EST
Don't tell me that you secretly listen to a "Brimful of Asha".
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB
I'm a complicated man, yankeehack by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 2) #10 Sat Jul 22, 2006 at 03:08:16 PM EST

A complicated man. Don't judge me.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
I can tell by yankeehack (4.00 / 2) #13 Sat Jul 22, 2006 at 03:31:35 PM EST
you have video of Chris Dodd playing in your bedroom.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB
[ Parent ]
+1; mother-fuckin' fp by ammoniacal (4.00 / 3) #15 Sat Jul 22, 2006 at 07:48:48 PM EST

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

A Scanner Darkly by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #16 Mon Jul 24, 2006 at 01:22:27 AM EST
Don't tell me much about it, but tell me if it's good or not.

Really have to get hold of a copy of the book before the film opens over here.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

Well, I still haven't seen it by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #18 Mon Jul 24, 2006 at 05:41:27 AM EST

But word on the street is, it's friggin' awesome.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Dude! When's your Bar-mitzvah? by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #17 Mon Jul 24, 2006 at 03:33:10 AM EST
Yes. I know that's not spelled right.

Next Saturday! by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #21 Mon Jul 24, 2006 at 05:00:14 PM EST

And friggin' DEVO is playing!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Nice is a relative term by theantix (4.00 / 2) #19 Mon Jul 24, 2006 at 07:50:10 AM EST
I'd say they have played rationally, which is very different from nice.  Nice is letting people walk all over you, rational is carrying a big stick and playing nice when possible.  Ignorant leftist types wish that Israel would actually play nice and just accept (?) the constant crap they have to deal with on a daily basis.  But this is a foolish and losing position to take in game theory.

The worst you could accuse Israel of is being disproportional in its response, meaning that by responding with greater force than they received they are escalating the degree of mutual loss.  Except that ignores the wider strategic intent of this operation which is to either (a) get an excuse to bomb the shit out of Iran's nuclear program; and/or (b) create a buffer zone so that the rockets can't reach major cities anymore.

Meh.
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Everything you wanted to know about Kansas City, and more.

Nice is indeed relative by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #20 Mon Jul 24, 2006 at 04:56:41 PM EST

But the heart of the matter is that in Israel's mind, they've been playing nice. Seeing as how Hezbollah can't do shit to stop them, nor Lebanon, nor Syria, nor Jordan, nor Egypt, nor Saudi Arabia, UAE, Iran, or any other nation headed by theocratic or fascistic (note appropriate use of term "fascistic", as opposed to when people who don't know what that word means try to apply it to Israel, which is a democracy, and damn near the only one with 2000 miles), Israel gets to make that framework, much as it must piss off plenty of crypto-anti-Semitic state apologist "leftists". Lebanon doesn't want to be bombed. Hezbollah doesn't want to be bombed. Reactionary Kossholes don't want Israel to bomb anyone. At the end of the day, none of those people matter; they cannot and do not control what Israel does. Hezbollah could, of course, end this all by 1) ceasing the intentional targetting of civilians, and 2) releasing the IDF soldiers they have captured, if, in fact, those three are still alive.

Israel knows fully well, though, that those soldiers have likely already been killed. At this point, I think your option B is the one most likely, though, I must say, if it's option A, I won't be the least bit surprised (or opposed), as that's the plan I'd love to see carried out, and have stated such before. Nothing takes the proverbial political heat off America quite like a real asskicking from someone in their own neighborhood.

Anyway, all I know for sure is I'm wearing IDF t-shirts every day until this comes to a nice conclusion.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
of course by theantix (4.00 / 1) #22 Tue Jul 25, 2006 at 08:10:25 AM EST
Israel's goal is simply to not be attacked on a semi-regular basis.  I don't think anything short of the US stopping arms shipments would deter them from pursuing this goal and perhaps not even then.  From the perspective of the Israeli public I'm really not sure there are any real options beyond what they are currently doing.  If Lebanon will not / cannot control Hezbolah's actions (a standing political party in the country IIRC), someone has to.

I'm sure the IDF t-shirt goes over really well in your neck of the woods, eh?
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Everything you wanted to know about Kansas City, and more.

[ Parent ]
This isn't art, this is a documentary | 22 comments (22 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback