Print Story We got computers, we're tapping phone lines, I know that ain't allowed
Wizards and Hobbits
By Bob Abooey (Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 08:32:55 AM EST) All this and much much more!! (all tags)
The B.A.D.TM

Like government cheese for the soul...



I don't understand why it's such a big deal to wash up after having a pee. Seriously. My elbow is probably laden with more contaminates than my wiener yet nobody would freak out if I didn't rush off to the washroom after touching my elbow. Now this assumes you're not getting any drops of the aforementioned pee on your hands during the actual event, in which case yes, I think you should hit to soap-dish afterwards. So maybe it should be players choice, where it's up to the pee-ee to decide if soap is merited. Unless your John Thomas gets some kind of bacterii growing on it because it's tucked away out of the fresh air all day, but I don't believe that to be true.

I'm not saying I don't wash up after taking a whizz, cause I do, I'm just wondering if it's really needed. That's all. Kinda like putting your blinker on when merging into traffic. I mean, you HAVE to go left because the road disappears so there's no need to put your blinker on. But I've gone over that in previous issues and all right minded people agreed with me, duh, so there's no need to belabour the point. You can, however, use it as a point of reference for how bright you are, if you agree with me then you know you're more thought-out than the unwashed masses. QED.

Which brings me to the news of the morning. Firefox is a steaming pile of goat. Everytime my "work" machine crashes (once every couple weeks) Firefox loses all my bookmarks. Poof. Gone, just like that. They probably save them in memory then re-write them to disk when you close out of the software, just to insure that people lose their crap, because open source hippies are dummer than a donut hole, and of course that's the absolute wrong way to do it. But the last time it happened, this morning, Firefox lost all my bookmarks and lost my google search bar and refused to remember my preferences and wouldn't let me add new bookmarks???? WTF??? I uninstalled and re-installed and did everything short of banning gay marriage, to no avail. I had to go through my registry and delete every reference to Firefox, then go into some secret Application Data folder and delete everything that said steaming pile of goat Mozilla on it, then re-install and it finally works. Of course all my history is gone, hell, all my everything is gone, but at least the bugger works again.

Which then takes me to SubWaytm for some lunch today. I get the real cute worker girl, not a day over 18 years old and ripe like a pear, and I order up a foot long chicken teryaki with everything EXCEPT pickles1 on it. Right? How hard can that be? Right. Well the little hottie is just a-workin away cramming all the yummy veggies on it then and she starts putting, yep, pickles, the ONE thing I don't want, right on the sandwhich. So I'm like "Yo sweetpants, I'd like nothing better than to take all your clothes off and have hot sweaty monkey sex with you for hours on end, cause you're just as cute as it gets, but TAKE THOSE ALLAH FORSAKEN PICKLES RIGHT THE FUCK OFF MY DAMN SANDWICH FOR FUCKS SAKE." Damn, girl.

[1] - Pickles the veggie, not pickles the hot HuSi vixen. As such we're dealing with pickles in the scholastic sense, not in the biblical sense.

< Max the cat | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
We got computers, we're tapping phone lines, I know that ain't allowed | 39 comments (39 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Each to their own Bob by nebbish (4.00 / 4) #1 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 08:39:33 AM EST
But I won't be sharing your packet of Runts with you, on account of the molecules of penis sweat therein.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

More for me then!! by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 1) #12 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 09:09:01 AM EST
~nt~

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

[ Parent ]
Keep it clean, bob by sasquatchan (4.00 / 3) #2 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 08:40:38 AM EST
there's always coliform bacteria crawling over your nether-regions.

Hmm. A friend claimed they lost all their bookmarks one time with firefox. I haven't looked at their CPU yet, but if they aren't recoverable, that's a pisser. Hmmm.

Please don't feed the attention whores, bob. Much worse than feeding the trolls.

the cpu probably looks something like this by theantix (4.00 / 6) #10 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 09:06:53 AM EST

Does this help you debug the firefox bookmarks issue?
____________________________________
Everything you wanted to know about Kansas City, and more.

[ Parent ]
They're gone by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 1) #11 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 09:07:36 AM EST
Like the wind. Gone. I should search the Firefox bug database to see if anyone has ever complained about it.

re: Okay, so you have this coliform stuff that grows down there, so you should wash up, yet, in the very next story he claims that it's still okay to perform oral favours on your partner??? Er... Waaaaaaaaa??? So it's not okay to touch down there but it's quite alright to put your mouth and tongue down there??? That's whack.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

[ Parent ]
What are you, an Intelligent Designist? by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #14 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 09:15:14 AM EST
One would hope with a monogamous partner, one would end up with compatible colonies of E. Coli in their guts, so oral favors would not sicken each other.

But, there's no guarantee Bob Schlobb, who didn't wash his hands after holding his pecker, has E. COli that won't make you sick.


[ Parent ]
YOU FAIL IT by Skwirl (4.00 / 2) #3 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 08:43:22 AM EST
Had you not been so OCD about pickles, you would have had hot, unprotected, anal-oral sex with the hottie in the back of the Subway. And then you would realize why you need to wash your hands after going piss.

Handwashing by TheophileEscargot (4.00 / 4) #4 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 08:46:45 AM EST
Urine is generally sterile: the reason you wash your hands is because that whole area is contaminated with coliform bacteria. Technically, the more piss you get on your hands, the less you have to wash.

One of the things I like about the Opera browser is that if the machine crashes, when you reboot and start it up again, it not only retains your bookmarks, but also its state before crashing, so you get back all the tabs you previously had open with content intact.
--
It is unlikely that the good of a snail should reside in its shell: so is it likely that the good of a man should?

Dammit, 6 minutes too late with that link by TheophileEscargot (4.00 / 1) #5 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 08:47:36 AM EST
I'm losing it.
--
It is unlikely that the good of a snail should reside in its shell: so is it likely that the good of a man should?
[ Parent ]
I may just switch to opera by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 1) #8 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 09:01:52 AM EST
Seriously, retaining it's state is a nice bonus I wouldn't expect, but losing data upon a crash is something that shouldn't be happening in 2006.

Makes me crazy, yet I don't seem to have enough sense to make a backup of the bookmarks. Maybe I need to whip up some perl script that copies them over to a safe location at the end of the day.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

[ Parent ]
That link by nebbish (4.00 / 3) #9 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 09:02:14 AM EST
Interesting, but a bit overblown? It doesn't seem that many (or indeed any) people are becoming ill from this.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Egg Zactly! by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 1) #13 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 09:11:00 AM EST
Methinks the Straight Dope is perhaps a high class trolling site.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

[ Parent ]
Washing by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #17 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 09:23:35 AM EST
I'm convinced that it's because it's easier to convince people to "wash after pissing" than to wash five times a day, something which gets rid of whatever bacteria you've picked up from touching this and that.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
office this and that like by cam (2.00 / 0) #34 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 02:13:17 PM EST
keyboards and mice. Filthy offices.

cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

[ Parent ]
OK, people, listen up by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 1) #6 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 08:51:21 AM EST
Posting links to Straight Dope is my turf. Anyone found posting links to SD will be reported to their ISP on "Internet shtick heist" charge.

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Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline
You need to defend your schtick, bub by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #15 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 09:17:08 AM EST
What you did two years ago is like a century in internet time. Stop tracking satellites and start posting.


[ Parent ]
I'm actually ajaxing off right now by DesiredUsername (2.00 / 0) #18 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 09:41:45 AM EST
And it rules. Still satemallites, though. FYI.

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Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline
[ Parent ]
Gross! by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #36 Fri Jul 14, 2006 at 02:16:12 AM EST
In public?

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Congratulations by DesiredUsername (2.00 / 0) #38 Fri Jul 14, 2006 at 03:09:59 AM EST
You have successfully located the joke I was making.

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Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline
[ Parent ]
I have a keen grasp of the obvious. by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #39 Fri Jul 14, 2006 at 05:01:19 AM EST


Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
It's not quantity, it's quality by lm (4.00 / 1) #7 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 09:01:50 AM EST
Sure, your elbow may have more bacteria, but the important question to ask is what type of bacteria?

Remember the news a while back when some high school chick did her science fair project on comparing the amount of bacteria growing in the ice in soda fountains to the amount of bacteria growing in toilet bowls? The fountains had more bacteria. Does that mean you're going to start drinking out of the toilet bowls at McDonalds?

I think not. Because you, intelligent man that you are, realize that since people don't usually give themselves enemas with ice dispensers in fast food restaurants, that the type of bacteria found in the ice is of a different sort than the bacteria found in the toilet bowls.

But then again, you don't wash your underwear in bleach either, do you? So you might as well drink the water out of toilet bowls.


There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
That's right by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 2) #25 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 11:04:54 AM EST
And I've never, in all my years, gotten sick due to underwear bacterium. As such I proclaim this whole bacterium scare to be just that, a ruse. A vast right wing bacterium ruse conspiracy.

I see your truck is sitting at $129 clams, you want me to bid a couple thousand to help run the price up?

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

[ Parent ]
You would willingly drink out of a toilet bowl? by lm (2.00 / 0) #26 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 11:40:54 AM EST
Same bacterium. If they're a myth, you're good to go to use water fresh from the bowl to wash those runts down.

Also, only bid on my truck if you're willing to make good on your bid. I am an honest merchant with a reputation to uphold.


There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]
Let's set the record straight by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #28 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 12:08:01 PM EST
I'm not saying bacterium is a myth, and no sir, I'm not taking any meals from the toilet boil. Nor am I accepting an invite to sup at your house what with your fascination with drinking from the commode. Indeed.

But I am saying that lots of 12 year old kids have gotten swirlies and I've never heard of any of them dieing as a result.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

[ Parent ]
Coliform bacteria aside by riceowlguy (2.00 / 0) #16 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 09:22:47 AM EST
Regular handwashing is probably the most important thing you can do to keep from getting sick, so just think of your bladder as the hourglass.

Also, are you secretly my friend The Lord Chancellor?  He says that pickles are the tools of Satan.

No sir, I am not by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #24 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 10:58:16 AM EST
Truth be told I like pickles, just not in conjunction with all the other fixins.

They do work well as a solo act with some catsup on a burger.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

[ Parent ]
WIPO: by spacejack (2.00 / 0) #19 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 09:51:30 AM EST
George Martin (I assumed the poll was referring to George Harrison.)

Right by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #23 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 10:56:25 AM EST
Technically I don't think George Martin was a Beattle, as such I'm going to have to disqualify your entry.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

[ Parent ]
Does Stu count? by lm (2.00 / 0) #27 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 11:43:07 AM EST
He was always my favorite.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]
good grief by alprazolam (2.00 / 0) #20 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 10:13:53 AM EST
why is it such a big fucking deal just to wash your goddamn hands? i mean, are you going to mess up your manicure?

I think the real debate is: by BlueOregon (4.00 / 3) #30 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 12:34:48 PM EST

Do you wash you hands if it's going to make you late for a job interview?

Of course I know the sensible answer, but that's not what I'm looking for, is it?

[ Parent ]
No. by mrgoat (4.00 / 2) #35 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 04:34:59 PM EST
Never wash your hands before a job interview. Rather, wash only one, then, if they're assholes, shake their hand with the unwashed one on the way out.

It's petty, but... well, I guess it's just petty.

--top hat--

[ Parent ]
Ob:Mamataughtmetonotpissonmyhands by ammoniacal (4.00 / 2) #21 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 10:26:31 AM EST
QED

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

So when we meet and I shake your hand by greyrat (4.00 / 2) #32 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 01:17:56 PM EST
I'll be receiving absolutely pure, unadulterated (pun blah blah blah) calla? Mmmmmmm.

[ Parent ]
If we ever meet in person by ad hoc (4.00 / 6) #22 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 10:37:00 AM EST
it's okay if you just nod and say 'hi.'
--
Close friendships and a private room can offer most of the things love does.
FireFox by Improbus (2.00 / 0) #29 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 12:33:23 PM EST
I use Portable Firefox on my USB stick and I have never had a problem with it.



If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago. --- Oma Desala
IAWTP by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #37 Fri Jul 14, 2006 at 02:18:09 AM EST
I use PF here at work. Keep it on a network share so that I can get the same environment anywhere.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
this diary haiku by fleece (4.00 / 6) #31 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 01:15:52 PM EST
with their cock-germ hands
men will touch the bathroom tap
do you dare touch it?


forget that by alprazolam (2.00 / 0) #33 Thu Jul 13, 2006 at 01:34:53 PM EST
half of the animals  in this zoo don't even wash their hands after they crap. they probably go home and roll around in shit all night too. the savages.

[ Parent ]
We got computers, we're tapping phone lines, I know that ain't allowed | 39 comments (39 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback