He hasn't officially moved out yet. But last night we agreed that it's time for him to find a couch to stay on and not be here at night. So that sucks. I'm not used to him being around. And to top it off: he broke the deadbolt on his was out (not on purpose, it's been having problems. but it finally went last night). He didn't know he did it; i dind't know until i realized that i was locked in. Go ahead Dr Freud, read into that one.
I just wish it was all over. That the pain is gone, that the hurt was less, and the fact that he doesn't want me didn't hurt so badly and cut me to my core. I know I said that I thought I was going to break up with him in the nearer future (fall), but to know that he's not only done, but has been able to turn off the feelings - that just hurts the most. And I don't know if that means he's dealing in his own way, or not dealing at all - i suppose it doesn't matter.
And my friends? What friends. They seem to have disappeared after the initial week of "oh, I'm so sorry!" I've left messages - they don't call back. And these aren't a her friend/his friend situation - they are just all busy. So i'm alone, in an apartment I'm hating, with no money, still TOTALLY dependent on him financially, ending my teaching year and have no idea what i'm doing next.
But at least I'm cute.
Oh, did i mention it's raining like HELL here? AND i'm PMS-ing? AND my best friend (one who actually calls) is moving away tomorrow?
It's a banner fucking week in my world.
I just wish it would all disappear. I wish I could disappear.
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