I have surgery scheduled on the 12th of July.  The surgery is being performed by a certain Dr. Okay Atilla Onan, and he is being assisted by a certain Dr. William Taylor, both of the Central Texas Spine Institute.  These surgeons are not affiliated with my spine specialist, since he did not have a surgeon available until much later tyhis summer.  The damage to my nerves is becoming fairly extensive.  My right leg is somewhat paralyzed, as is my left.  Not just numb.  Dead.  The muscles in certain parts of my calves are cramped, constantly, and feel like wood.  Thankfully I can't feel those parts.  Laurea explained to me that the brain is mostly inhibitory, that without signal from the brain, muscles will tend to just go nuts and contract.

The operation is a bilateral microdiscectomy.  The surgeon may choose to perform a laminectomy (complete removal of the bone around the nerve) since the damage is bilateral.

My MRI on Monday prompted this.  After my MRI, the surgeon called me, leaving a message that was, basically, "I got the results of your MRI, and I know you have an appointment with me to go over them in two days, but I'm...impressed...with the results.  Not in a good way.  The herniation in L4/L5 has increased on the left side by four millimeters compared to last August, and the right side has a new herniation of six millimeters...."  Basically he was very excited about my coming in.  Concerned, really.  Not sure how I was able to, oh, walk.

I had a 9:30 appointment with him yesterday, and got there at 9:00.  He saw me immediately and we looked at the film.  The MRI top-down view of L4/L5 is devastating, especially when compared to the same view from last August.  There's also new damage in one other disk, but it isn't bad...the MRI report mentioned that my other disks were stable or improved since last August. This is almost as bad as mine, except mine is on  both sides of the spine.

Dr. Onan told me (and I already knew from research) that the procedure would not completely remove my pain and numbness.  I am a realist, I know there's no miracles here.  The people I've talked to who have had this surgery all say the same things: four or five weeks after the surgery the pain will start to lessen.  Six months may pass before the numbness goes away.  Motor nerve fibers regrow and repair at very slow rates, on the order of a millimeter a day at best, so it may be a while before my strength returns.

I'm fully OK with that.  I can deal with pain, and I don't plan on changing my physical therapy activities.  I'm going to need to continue doing my McKenzie exercises and stretches for the rest of my life, and that's totally fine.

Once I re-assured him that I wasn't expecting any miracles, we spoke in depth about the procedure.  I'm very comfortable with this surgeon. I'm pretty good at reading people.  This guy is genuine, he's concerned, and he's got a hell of a lot of experience with this type of surgery.  He'll be assisted by a surgeon who has even more experience.  The surgical facility is a small place, with a very high personel-to-patient ratio.

So, I'm ready.  Excited even.  I know the recovery is going to take a while, and I know that the procedure may not even work.  I'm aware of the risks, right up to the big ones.  And yeah, I'm a little scared of general anesthetic.

Something needs to be done, though, to stop the physical damage to the nerves, and this is a good solution.  After years of recurring pain, after ten months of physical therapy, after six months of heavy painkillers, after two months of very severe pain...all the while working my ass off with conservative therapy, alternative therapies and chiropractic...yeah.  I feel I've done everything I can.  If the numbness and loss of motor function wasn't as bad then I'd still be working on conservative care.  But it's time to try a new approach.  I know I may need more surgery after this, in a year or more.  But for now, I'll do what I can.

Bonus: My Mother Likes Me!

I sent an email out to family yesterday, and my mom replied almost immediately.

My mom and I, we don't talk all that often.  Maybe three or four times a year.  It's not the sort of relationship that requires communication; we know we're alright.  I do wish we were closer, and I've worked on that, but everything has it's own rhythm and pace.  Anyhow, she replied with a very concerned email.  She wanted me to make sure my doc was board certified, wasn't some back ally spine surgeon ("Psst!  Hey, dude!  Spine surgery?  Psst!  Spine surgery!  Ten bucks, man!  No?  OK, how about a rhinoplasty?  Cheap speakers?  Hubcaps?  Crack?  C'mon, man, help a guy out!").  She thought my surgery was the old fashioned open-back scary spine fusion stuff, wanted to make sure I had disability insurance, make sure that my job was secure if I had to be out for six months.  Then she offered...this woman who I see once a year, who is more a friend that a mom...she offered to come over and help take care of me.  Like, hang out and be a nurse, make me soup and make sure my feet were warm and stuff like that.

My mom, she likes me!  It is important to note, though, that Laurea's mom, who you may remember saved my life many years ago, offered to stay with us and take care of me as well.  But I know she loves me.

Random Other Crap.

It's friday, which is good.  My employer gave us all gift certificates to amazon.com as a sort of 4th of July gift, which is cool.  My car is in the shop after a missed shift...apparently this is very common with RSX owners.  The shifter is very closely spaced, and the shift action is notchy, so it's like forcing the synchros no matter what.  Anyhow, I was in 2nd gear, wide open throttle, just about 7k rpm, and I jammed the car into 3rd.  Except it wasn't 3rd, it was 1st.  Soon as my foot came off the clutch the car barked, the motor hopping in it's mounts, and I quickly put the clutch back in and shifted into 5th.  The motor sounded fine, but there's a broken motor mount or a burst bushing or something bad; under torque the motor moves.  That and I may have bent a valve.  So it's in the shop getting a compression test and having whatever mounts or hangers are broken, fixed.  In the meantime I have the same car that I hit a stripper in a few weeks ago...long story, but anyhow. The loaner is a fully loaded TL with the least comfy seats ever in a $40k car.

My Wife.

You'll be hearing a lot about my wife in coming weeks.  My wife, I'm totally obsessed with her.  I can't get enough of her.  I love her, love her, love her to pieces.  She's the single greatest thing in my life, the most amazing person I've ever had the privilege to know.  I've loved her since the day I first laid eyes on her.  I feel like the luckiest person on the planet, I've found that one person that I was supposed to be with.

On the 27th of July, we will have been married for ten years.

It's been like the blink of an eye.  I can't wait for the next ten.