Print Story I'll Bet You're Wondering How I've Been...

Oh yeah? Well, fuck you. I'm going to tell you anyway. I'm going to tell you with pictures, and you? You're going to like it!



Awesome Dudes With Totally Sweet Beards in Totally Sweet Tiger Bathrobes

Last week, I splurged and spent the week at the Good Hotel. I also got a smoking room. See, I figure I won't be smoking indoors very often now that I live in Cullifornia, so allowing myself a week's respite was a Special Treat (the kind they hand out at the Special Olympics, rice krispies with sour cream and hotdogs on top, sprinkled with chocolate, and some mustard). It was pretty nifty to smoke in a nice, new fancy hotel, though, as expected, the whole floor (the smoking floor) smelled like ashtray. They did keep the rooms smelling fresh, though. I sure hope they don't find that cloud of weed smoke I hid behind the drapes. Nah, fuck it. They'll never catch me. Not alive, anyway...

The Cypress Hotel has these tiger-patterned bathrobes that guests can wear, which I did. Here is a photograph of some hyper-mega-super-ultra cool d00d wearing a bathrobe and smoking a cigarette. Look at that totally sweet beard he has!

man in an awesome bathrobe

Interestingly enough, there was a woman hanging out in the lobby of the hotel in the mornings wearing a plain light blue bathrobe. She had no hair, and I'm pretty sure she was going through the chemo, but I still cannot figure out why on Earth she'd prefer to wear that lame light blue bathrobe, rather than the spiffy tiger bathrobes. Then again, I also couldn't figure out why she was hanging out in the bathrobe downstairs in the common area lobby. I mean, I love hanging out in bathrobes as much as the next dude, but unless I'm on my way to pick up coffee and bring it back home, you won't catch me loitering in a bathrobe. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

Awesome Baby Ducks

Speaking of smoking, the smoking area near my building at the Donut Wheel where I work has a little pond, with trees and shit shading it. In this pond lives a family of twelve ducks. There's a papa duck, and a mama duck, and ten widdle baby ducks. Going out to have a smoke is much more fun when there are baby ducks to chew the baby duck fat with. Here comes the proof:

baby ducks

Awww! Look at 'em swimming! They look friggin' delicious. I look forward to the day they're big enough to slaughter and spread on bread. I think I'll take a break right now and go see them... I'll tell them you said "hi".

OK, they said hi back.

Attention ad hoc infidel (And other bike-loving infidels):

Trek 7.5 FX. It's not really a mountain bike, and it's not really a road bike. What it is, is my new commuter bike, and it ROXORZ TEH FOXORS SOXORS! I bought it Sunday afternoon at Avenue Cyclery on Stanyan Street. I had intended to just look, but, damnit, they had the bike in stock (1) and in my size (22.5").

front view of my new bike

It's got an aluminum frame, Bontrager SSR wheels, a Shimano Deore LX derailleur, and comes in a spiffy shiny aluminum color called "matte smooth silver". The pedals are two-sided; one side is flat, the other has SPD clips. I ended up going with the normal brakes as opposed to disc brakes, as I was told by another store owner that they've seen quite a few of the disc brakes come back in to get repaired or adjusted. Wait a couple of years, he said, so I will. I splurged, though, on this lock system which basically replaces anything that is quick-release (like, say, the wheels, the seat column,

side view of my new bike

Mmmmm, bikey! Now I can start buying all new goodies to add on to it...

My Furry Buddy, Scotti

my fuzzy little bud

Just look at that face! Scotti likes to cuddle. You can pick him up and hold him like a baby, and he'll sit there for hours.

Happy Preemptive Strike American Day!

I've got Monday and Tuesday off to cook hotdogs, hang out with Hans, visit a friend in Marin, go to the Naturfreund Compound, and jerk off like there's no tomorrow. Oh, wait; I mean "persuade a particularly young female to jerk me off like there's no tomorrow." Whatevs. Everything is being outsourced these days, after all...

And Now, In Closing,

shaddap!

Oh yeah, also, I saw the CEO of Donut Wheel leaving the employee lot on Monday. He was wearing a black turtleneck and a baseball hat, just like you see him on tv, but with the baseball hat. I waved. He didn't wave back. Snubbed!

Now I'm headed to the cafetorium early, as it's been hella busy there around twelve every day this week. I likes me some lunch!

< Review: LinDze's Swordfish with Wasabi Wine Reduction | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
I'll Bet You're Wondering How I've Been... | 35 comments (35 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
I thought weed was legal in Cali by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #1 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 09:25:07 AM EST
plus, you bought the wrong bike. Lane splitting is tolerated in Cali, so something like a KLR-650 would have you blowing by the weenies sitting gridlocked in traffic in their expensive German sports cars, wishing they had the balls to get on a real bike.


My commute: by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #7 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 09:35:00 AM EST

6 minutes on foot, 3 on pushbike. I'm not sure I need a motor to improve that timeframe.

I am, however, tempted by your idea, and will likely substitute a Vespa for the Kawi. I've got to retain my Mod Credibility, after all.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Aprilia's are faster by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #9 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 09:39:14 AM EST
but Vespa's are okay, you'd look real silly with a drunk 21 year old co-ed balanced on the handlebars of your pus bike.


[ Parent ]
Pus bike! by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #20 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 10:33:31 AM EST

Woohoo! New nickname for my wiener!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Sure you do. by mrgoat (4.00 / 1) #19 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 10:32:02 AM EST
A motorbike might cut that down to a minute and a half, a really fast one might be able to get it down to three-quarters of a minute.

To be perfectly honest, I'd say that just to be safe, you're going to need a rocket-pack, and cut that commute down to less than a second.

--top hat--

[ Parent ]
How many times do I have to tell you, dammit! by kwsNI (4.00 / 2) #24 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 10:53:26 AM EST
It's called a Faggio, not a Vespa.

[ Parent ]
Seven times! by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #26 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 10:55:38 AM EST

Someday I'll get it right.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
That's great and all, but .... by me0w (4.00 / 3) #2 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 09:27:09 AM EST
How are the poops!?!


"the only reason we PMS is because our uterus is screaming at our brain to go out, get fucked, and have a baby ... and it makes us angry."

Fuck! I knew I forgot something! by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 3) #4 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 09:31:21 AM EST

Three days of virtual no-wipers in a row, that's how the poops are. I'm not sure exactly how I've managed to get that to happen, but whatever it was, I'm going to stick to this menu until they get all squishy and watery on me. There are few feelings better than standing up from a hefty poop, going to wipe, and finding no residue on the paper.

Or your hand, if you're a Muslim.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
You + beard + robe by joh3n (4.00 / 1) #3 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 09:30:10 AM EST
On the bike, juggling baby ducks, bread, and a pack of smokes leaving the donut hut wth Scotti on the handle bars.  Best image of the day!

----
I am a crime against humanity
-theantix

open /Applications/Adobe\ Photoshop.app by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #5 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 09:32:47 AM EST

MAKE IT HAPPEN, CAP'N!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Open /bathrobe by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #31 Thu Jun 29, 2006 at 05:25:08 AM EST
Have I taken it too far?

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
And regarding the donut wheel by joh3n (4.00 / 1) #6 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 09:34:00 AM EST
I liked this line from the reviews:

"'open' is painted in the window, because the place does not close."

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I am a crime against humanity
-theantix

The donuts: pretty darned good by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #15 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 10:13:58 AM EST

Of course, I have nothing to do with those. I work in the Internet Services Division of Donut Wheel.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
awesome. by garlic (4.00 / 1) #27 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 12:59:47 PM EST
I hope you're in charge of getting tcp ip packets to be able to deliver donuts.


[ Parent ]
Said responsibility is the Golden Noose by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #28 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 01:16:26 PM EST

that lay about my neck. Donuts Over IP (or, for those of you in the industry, "DoIP") is truly the killer app of Web 3.0, yo!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
We have Donut Wheel in Houston by theboz (4.00 / 1) #33 Thu Jun 29, 2006 at 07:49:15 PM EST
I've driven past it and thought that it was a stupid name. Now that Krispy Kreme has gone out of business (locally) perhaps it's time to give it a shot.
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That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
[ Parent ]
If you can get past the single-hole donuts and the by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #34 Thu Jun 29, 2006 at 08:18:34 PM EST

fruit-flavored filling, they're pretty damn good. Plus, they're open 24 hours a day, the way a donut shop should be. And the one here is run by an old Chinese dude, and, as everyone knos, old Chinese dudes are, like, the Donut Masters!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
I will check it out by theboz (4.00 / 1) #35 Fri Jun 30, 2006 at 04:11:45 AM EST
The one I have seen is close to two movie theaters that my wife and I go to a lot (one for independent stuff the other for regular movies), and given the location it is probably owned by an old Vietnamese man, so we'll see how that changes the quality.
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That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
[ Parent ]
Your tiger robe is defective by The Fool (4.00 / 6) #8 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 09:36:57 AM EST
It appears to have been made from the pelt of the less-valuable spotted tiger.


Pardon me sir, by sasquatchan (4.00 / 3) #11 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 09:47:37 AM EST
but how does one spot a leopard ?

[ Parent ]
A bingo dauber works by georgeha (4.00 / 6) #13 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 09:53:09 AM EST
preferably on the end of a long stick.


[ Parent ]
Huzzah by cam (4.00 / 1) #10 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 09:45:14 AM EST
Bontrager SSR wheels. South Sea Republic's biking manufacturing is starting to pay off.

cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

I scratch your back by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #16 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 10:14:32 AM EST

You scratch mine! You need another iPod, dude...


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Good eyesight! by yicky yacky (4.00 / 4) #12 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 09:52:35 AM EST
He was wearing a black turtleneck ...

How could you tell him apart from everyone else?


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
Fewer piercings, nicer car by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 2) #14 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 10:12:43 AM EST

And people bowing down before him as he walked. You know, the usual...


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
that bike needs stuff taken off of it by 256 (4.00 / 2) #17 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 10:19:26 AM EST
not added to it.

just sayin'
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I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni

But I *like* riding a bike with a seat! by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #18 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 10:22:46 AM EST

The U-lock, though, will likely be stuffed in a bag when I'm riding it. Other than that, I'm not sure what else could be taken off.. And I'm pretty sure I need a light, and a computer, and some sort of small arms cannon or something...


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
a computer is a good idea by 256 (2.00 / 0) #32 Thu Jun 29, 2006 at 05:32:18 AM EST
especially if it has an RF transmitter and you can set it to cycle through signals for setting off car alarms.

a light however just makes it easier for people to hit you at night.

and you could certainly do without those derailleurs.
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I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni

[ Parent ]
Kewl bike dood by ad hoc (4.00 / 1) #21 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 10:46:44 AM EST
Good call on the brakes.

"It never rains in California" so why bother with disks?

Scotti needs a basket.
--
Close friendships and a private room can offer most of the things love does.

I think the main reason I wanted disc brakes by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #22 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 10:50:12 AM EST

is just because they're new. Mmmmm, new braking systems...

That basket would be pretty awesome for Scotti, but, sadly, Scotti isn't mine to take around in a basket. He just visits my friend Erin for days on end with his little brother, Yoda. They're gone now, but they'll be back on Thursday night, so I'm taking them down to the Saint Francis Soda Fountain for ice cream in little doggie bowls. Those dogs LOVE ME!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
How could they not? by ad hoc (4.00 / 1) #23 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 10:52:06 AM EST
An excellent question! by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #25 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 10:55:04 AM EST

I'll be their friend, unless there's a good reason why they don't have any friends, such as rampant murderism or incurable stealie-o-holicism, neither of which are actual afflictions, so we're SET!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Who is holding the camera ... by Ignore Amos (4.00 / 3) #29 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 05:26:37 PM EST
... for that first photo?

You ask a lot of questions. by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 3) #30 Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 06:46:16 PM EST

Nothing good ever happens to people who ask a lot of questions.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
I'll Bet You're Wondering How I've Been... | 35 comments (35 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback