Those were sample lyrics from Aki Nawaz's forthcoming album "All is War", which he believes will get him locked up by MI5. Maybe if the big knob didn't spend his time reacting against the Guardian-reading arts critics he mixes with, he'd realise that criticising liberalism isn't radical and scary and new, but is more commonly known as conservatism.

OK he also writes about being a suicide bomber, but that's just trolling.

I bet it's a really shit album.

House and fittings

Spent an entire day sat at home bored yesterday whilst some nice young men from the council fitted new UPVC windows. The cat wasn't keen on the disturbance and did a big, sloppy shit in the middle of the floor before skulking off and sitting under the sofa.

Only the night before me and Ornag Utan had carried said sofa over from a mate's a few streets away. He was going to chuck it out because it's fucking awful, but our own is in such a state (front legs gone so you sort of tip slowly onto the floor) that we decided we'd have it. There's a matching chair as well we're picking up tonight.

The old sofa was propped up with a copy of Richard Branson's autobiography, which Orang Utan kindly received from Virgin as a Christmas present when he worked at Virgin Megastore years ago (lovingly inscribed "Not for resale").

I had a read of it whilst the windows were fitted. It's surprisingly entertaining. I laughed out loud a couple of times - Douglas Baader was a family friend, and Branson used to hide his legs as a child. An uncle was an advocate of eating grass to stay healthy, and his grandmother was the oldest person to ever get a hole-in-one, at the age of ninety.

Books on order from Amazon

"Voice of the Fire" by Alan Moore. I've been wanting to read this for a while. It looks a bit impenetrable which puts me off a bit, but the subject matter sounds right up my street.

"Songs of Innocence and Experience" by William Blake. I was drunkenly slagging Blake off a couple of weeks back and realised I'd hardly read any, hence this purchase.

"Solaris" by Stanislaw Lem. I keep hearing that the original film's best, then that the new one's best, and all anyone can agree on is that the the book is better than both. So having watched neither film I thought I'd read the book first.

"Jem" by Frederik Pohl. I loved "Gateway" so thought I'd try some more Pohl, and this one has a really nice cover. That man looks like he's having fun.

My continuing astounding success

Got the Will Self interview finished. Should be online in a few weeks, I'll let you all know.