Print Story Oh Lord, won't you buy me
Religion & Philosophy
By blixco (Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 03:48:21 AM EST) (all tags)
a motherfuckin' benz.


Writing Fun Challenge

The idea I had was something like this:
The Media (via months of blog-type buildup) reports on some massive pandemic panic.  Either an impendint terror attack or an impendint world ending asteroid impact or the bird flu or something like that.  The plugged-in world has reached saturation with this sort of fear and reacts violently on both a physical level and on a memetic, psychiatric level.  The call to alarm, see, contained some mix of ideas and symbology that unlocked feral and unreasonable behaviors, leading to the collapse of the collective unconscious.  Add to that the outbreaks of disease that were allowed to slowly flourish in a world with no global oversight.  People, severed from a common ground, were cut adrift to fend for themselves until killed by men, virii, or toxic accidents.  Tribes formed and were slowly destroyed.  Languages were invented and lost, or flourished and celebrated but ultimately destroyed by the initial memetic virus, which carried forward among speaking people.  The only immunities were genetic, and there were only a few people on the planet who were immune.

Skip forward 1220 years.

Four people per 100sq/mi.  The planet has nearly lost the ability to support life due to the unchecked toxic systems that had been run by thinking men (oil tankers, nuclear power plants, refineries, power plants, chloralkali plants).  Life on earth is dominated by insects, agressive plants, small animals, and a very few crafty human beings.

Solitary, arguably the last of the species, they've dwindled to a hundred thousand or so, spread over the planet.  Some are in areas less affected by the toxic remains of the previous generations, some have formed small tribes that get by as they had for centuries.

Some were the last sons of tribes destroyed over the years by exposure to what used to be technological, modern civilization.  The story, then, is about one of those men, the last man standing in an area the size of the southwest US, descended from a dead tribe of stubborn redneck survivors.

There Are Better Ways To Meet a Stripper.

So I had to take my car in to the local Acura dealer for some warranty work.  A couple of known 2005 RSX issues: a "thunk" from the front suspension and a problem with 3rd gear.  The dealer gave me a loaner, a fully loaded 2006 TL.  Nice car.  Really big, quiet, loaded with every goddamn option you can get.  I love the way the TL looks, the way they sculpt the exhaust into the rear bumper.  Quite cool.  However, it's not my style: it's too big, too insulated from the road.  Doesn't feel like I'm driving.  It's more like I'm suggesting that the car go in a given direction, then leaning back in a nice leather recliner and watching the world go by.

I was taking a back way home, since it was late and traffic in Austin is the worst in the US for this size town (according to some recent US DOT studies).  I'd just pulled up to a light at Metric and Parmer.  The car in front of me turned right, so I pulled out, looked left (it looked clear), then gave it the gas.  Hit the girl in front of me, who'd stopped after turning.

She'd stopped because a truck had U-turned from out of nowhere and was heading for the McDonalds right next to her at a high rate of speed, and wasn't going to stop.  So she stopped.  Me, I wasn't expecting traffic to stop there, so I'd only verified that it was clear, then goosed it.

Less than five miles an hour, thankfully.  We pulled into a parking space and I got out to give her my insurance info...and she's this redhead, ponytailed, wearing goth schoolgirl nonsense: black short tennis skirt thing, black thigh highs (with a seam!), maryjanes, a black and white striped top, and quite a bit of body jewelry.

It was like I'd hit a SuicideGirl(dot com).  I asked if she was OK...she was, though she was upset.  Not angry, just upset.  She didn't want to get insurance involved, which was fine with me, but I felt bad leaving her with nothing...so we drove to a very nearby ATM and I gave her some cash.  She then noticed the damage to my loaner car.  It's not bad, but it is plastic, so I get to buy a new bumper and have it painted, probably $700 or so.  She felt bad about it, said it was her fault (it wasn't; if anything, that truck would have creamed both of us, dead).  I explained to her that it wasn't my car, and it wasn't a big deal anyway.  She then says "well, if you're in the area and you're interested, I work at Perfect 10..." which is this strip joint in Round Rock. She says she's working the day shift.

That's right: first thing I do with a $50k car is run into a stripper.  I wonder if that's an Acura perk?

Dizzy

After not sleeping for many nights (well, not sleeping for more than a few hours between hours of being awake), I got to sleep last night at about 8pm.  Woke at midnight, and got up to get some water...and nearly fell over.  The ground just pitched around on me...I was totally out of control dizzy.  Had to sit down and slowly, carefully, make my way back to bed.  Wasn't much better at 3am, but my 5am had cleared up pretty well.  I didn't eat anything yesterday other than breakfast, and the gabapentin I take at night is supposed to be famous for dizziness and nausea, so I'm not too surprised.  Still and all, this morning I am a bit dizzy.  Maybe catching some world ending virus?

The End.

It's, what, Tuesday?

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Oh Lord, won't you buy me | 20 comments (20 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
1220 years into the future by TurboThy (4.00 / 6) #1 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 03:54:19 AM EST
and people are still not using metric units?
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Sommerhus til salg, første række til Kattegat.
My guess? by blixco (2.00 / 0) #2 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 04:02:26 AM EST
They're reverting to, say, "four hands of rope" and "two feet of whoop-ass."
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Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]
Sounds like a Paradise to me by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #3 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 04:07:48 AM EST
I can only assume that the Frenchies died first.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
DUDE, MORE DETAILS ON SUICIDEGIRL(dot com) by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #4 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 04:09:20 AM EST
Enough about what she was wearing, you homometrosexual, what was she driving?

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
Dude, by blixco (4.00 / 1) #5 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 04:16:48 AM EST
I have a debilitating underwear fetish.  She was wearing thigh highs with a seam and maryjanes!

She was driving a car.  Some Chrysler convertable thing.
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Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco

[ Parent ]
Goth girls by riceowlguy (4.00 / 1) #6 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 04:28:41 AM EST
I refer you to my diary about this song.


But what about goth by blixco (4.00 / 1) #7 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 04:32:52 AM EST
strippers?!?  I suspect the whole Hot Topic Lingerie thing was just her stage gimmick.
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Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]
Exprobably yes, Belindas by riceowlguy (4.00 / 1) #10 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 05:50:24 AM EST
but since it's mostly a visual thing anyway, what would I care?


[ Parent ]
So what did the grease by sasquatchan (4.00 / 2) #8 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 04:56:59 AM EST
monkey mechanic have to say about your cold-air intake modifications ? ;)

Was she trying to pick you up as a string-along customer, since you just dropped some cash on her, or as a potential love interest ?

The mechanic by blixco (4.00 / 1) #15 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 07:16:43 AM EST
who picked the car up from the service area opened the hood right away, since he'd heard me when I drove up.  That throttle-body whistle and sort of throaty rev noise clued him in.  He saw it, came in and asked me what kind it was.

It doesn't void the warranty.  Now, if I were to hydrolock the car after running it through a deep puddle, that wouldn't be covered.  But so long as the work isn't a direct result of the intake, they can't void anything.  The Magnussen act helps with that.
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Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco

[ Parent ]
Oh, and by blixco (4.00 / 1) #16 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 07:17:32 AM EST
customer.  I was awfully nice, though.  Because I am awfully nice.  But she took that as a come-on from me, maybe?  Tough to say.

You want her number?
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Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco

[ Parent ]
Hah. No. by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #17 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 07:22:30 AM EST
  • the Mrs is much better, in all regards.
  • Some sort-of friends have dated strippers. I think the occupation attracts those with Issues. Capital I issues.
  • Said friends couldn't keep up with the drugs or drinking.


[ Parent ]
Hot damn! by ni (4.00 / 1) #19 Fri Jun 16, 2006 at 08:56:40 AM EST
I love issues, consider it a challenge to keep up with the drugs and drinking, and she sounds hot as hell. PM me the phone number pls k thx. I'll be on the first flight in.


my experience is that people will do amazingly stupid things in conjunction with their crotches -- persimmon
[ Parent ]
Well, by blixco (2.00 / 0) #20 Fri Jun 16, 2006 at 08:57:58 AM EST
I didn't get her number.  But I know where she works, and how to find her.
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Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]
You rammed a stripper? by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 3) #9 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 05:06:55 AM EST
You cad you.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

Have you ever noticed by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #11 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 06:04:15 AM EST
That you don't run into strippers when your single?
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
Indeed. by blixco (2.00 / 0) #12 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 06:39:02 AM EST
It's a good thing, though.
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Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]
it's motherfucking by Kellnerin (4.00 / 2) #13 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 07:00:59 AM EST
TOURETTE'S TUESDAY.

That WFC idea sounds a lot bigger than 2,000 words. I'd hold onto that thought for November.

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"later" meant either "when you walk around the corner" or "oatmeal."

That was by blixco (2.00 / 0) #14 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 07:12:43 AM EST
the challenge: to somehow quickly and minimally apply the backstory, while maintaining an actual current story, and all the while keep it under 2k words.

But yeah, sounds like a good short story (30k words in 30 days, maybe).
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Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco

[ Parent ]
I don't think by Kellnerin (4.00 / 1) #18 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 08:43:18 AM EST
there was enough time to write that in 2K words, though that's probably just me. I'm slow to write (or to finish), and usually I have to spew out a bunch of junk and then dial it back.

Under NaNo conditions, though, that thing could expand indefinitely.

I wonder if there's a sweet spot where you could actually achieve that story in that small a space. That would be quite neat, though it might involve creating the long version and in retrospect identifying the one scene that encapsulates it all by itself.

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"later" meant either "when you walk around the corner" or "oatmeal."

[ Parent ]
Oh Lord, won't you buy me | 20 comments (20 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback