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Diary
By riceowlguy (Mon Jun 12, 2006 at 12:56:57 PM EST) baseball, tennis, photos, home theatre full of centipedes, emo whinging (all tags)
Well, Rice just got knocked out of the college baseball (only thing we're good at) playoffs. Update [2006-6-12 23:24:55 by riceowlguy]: Maybe I should look at the dates on stories on riceowls.com before I come to such conclusions...Rice, in fact, won today to advance to the CWS. In my defense, I'd had a few beers at that point.


I was supposed to play tennis with somebody last night, but they got tied up, so I went to practice on my own as I often do, and for the third time in a row managed to find another poor soul without a hitting partner to hit with.  I did considerably better this time than the two previous times at managing to keep up with the rallies without having to take frequent breaks.  A good sign.  Use of the heart rate monitor during play shows that tennis is as good for me, aerobically, as going pretty hard on the eliptical machine...and so much more fun.

I showed Teh Y's the ending to FFX on Saturday (after some truly fantastic steaks) and they were as bummed as I was, but it helps to have somebody to share the grief with.

My company just signed a major reseller agreement with $HUGE_TECHNOLOGY_COMPANY so we are having a beer-and-champagne bash out in the parking lot.  Unfortunately, I have rehearsal tonight, so I can't get completely ripped like I would like.

I put a bunch of stuff in Flickr over the weekend.  I really should get a pro account, though, because having only three sets is ridiculous.

I got both my EZ-Tag from HCTRA and my car's title from the finance company in the mail on Saturday.  I think my home theatre system, such as it is, might know that I just paid off the car, because things are starting to fail bit by bit.  The DVD player, which was never the world champion at reading discs reliably, now refuses to read even brand-new DVDs.  The integrated amp makes a strange, almost ocean-like hissing noise when nothing else is playing (like, loud enough to have woken me up last night), and takes a long time to warm up from a power-off condition.  I really, really don't want to have to spend money on that right now.  I know it's probably the least interesting observation about life I can make, but I'm continually amazed at how when I was 19 and had no money at all I couldn't wait to spend it on audio equipment and now that I've got the jack to throw around, I don't want to.  What has happened to me?

I internalize a lot of stuff.  Maybe because I don't think whining openly will get me anywhere; because I think to be a man means to be a rock.  Because people have come up with the derisive appellation "emo" to attach to people who talk about their feelings all the time.  Or maybe I'm just afraid to have people know what I'm thinking.  When I was in therapy for depression in college, I was described by one of my LMSWs as "the most cheerful depressed person I've ever met".  But on a daily basis I have to hide a lot of anger and bitterness and despair.  And I wonder if everybody feels the same way.

It's time to stop putting lots of emotional energy into relationships that aren't going anywhere, that's for sure.

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internalizing by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #1 Mon Jun 12, 2006 at 04:29:37 PM EST
i am the Queen of internalizing.  my family was shocked when i announced my marital problems, i had hid them so well.  i always feel like people will think i'm just being a whiner, so i never tell anybody what i'm really thinking.  anger, bitterness, and dispair are all to common in my thoughts (generally).

i work really, really hard to tell clock what's going on in my head.  it's very hard for me, but he tries really hard to make it easy by listening (or at least faking it ;)

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