Print Story Why is playing golf badly like some toast?
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By nebbish (Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 01:25:49 AM EST) Footy, football, telly, TV (all tags)
Because there's lots of slices (golfing term for missing the ball) in a round (golfing term for a game of golf).


Boom boom!

Football

It's betting time! After much study I have put a tenner on the USA to win. This might seem daft but it's definitely the team with best odds - 80-1. As a non-footballing nation the US is often underestimated, they are actually pretty good, although they have a tough group this tournament. It's highly unlikely they'll win, but they are the only team with such good odds that have a remote chance of doing so. If you want to have a risky flutter that's a bit of a laugh, they're the best bet I reckon.

Let's do the Crouch! On second thoughts, let's not. It looks stupid.

Clubbing

Went to see Surgeon and Jeff Mills but only stayed a couple of hours, leaving after Surgeon's set. I find I get really bored when I go clubbing nowadays, even with pills thrown into the mix. I really don't know why. Give me a house party with a couple of decent DJs and a few cans of Stella and I'll be dancing until 7 in the morning, but put me in a club and I'm bored shitless. It's most peculiar.

So that's that, I'm not going to bother again, unless it's a grime night or something where I'm really, really into the music.

Apparently Jeff Mills was shit anyway. Also - FOUR QUID FOR A CAN OF STELLA.

TV

Fuck Big Brother - I saw the best programme ever last night, the Toughest Pubs in Britain on Sky 3. My favourite was a pub in Birmingham where they all drink strong cider ("you have to be careful because it makes you shit yourself"). One bloke takes his glass eye out and puts it in his glass so no-one nicks his pint when he goes for a piss. The rest of the time he sits there in a corner eating lightbulbs. There was a bloke sat next to him who was a sort of grey-green corpse colour; and another one who's fallen onto a nearby railway line twice when pissed, one time losing a leg under a passing train. He now fills his false leg with cider and drinks from it.

Informative and entertaining, it's what telly was made for.

< Hmmm... Heart rate is 47 bpm | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
Why is playing golf badly like some toast? | 44 comments (44 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
The USA by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #1 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 01:52:34 AM EST

are way better than 80-1. Not a terrible choice. However, when Man U were only five points off Chelsea, they were at 14-1, which was far too high, and I took it; but they still didn't win ...

What people have forgotten [and at this point I need to stop myself from segueing into the full-on 'Michael Howard must die, painfully' rant] is that 'modern' clubs essentially came from house parties anyway. The Criminal Justice Act of 1994 effectively killed the true house party and moved the entire thing into the clubs. It wasn't that clubs were competing, or did it better (in the early 90's, people had had enough and were doing it better themselves) it was that MH forced house parties back into the clubs and the clubs that took it up (i.e. stepped away form dancing-round-yer-'andbag chart tunes) made a mint. Synchronously, at that point, Underworld dropped 'born slippy', it was in 'Trainspotting', it re-legitimized lager and the clubs started raking it in from all angles. By this point, we're back to where the (non-acid-house) club scene was in the '80s, except this time people can't force change upon the scene by doing it themselves, because it's now fucking illegal. What a cunt!

I feel sorry for kids today; it's impossible to have a counter-culture beyond locking themselves in their attics.


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
It's a good point by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #2 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 02:01:43 AM EST
Maybe I found it boring because it was actually, empirically boring. Definitely wasn't like the messy raves of back in the day. Everyone was pretty old as well (by which I mean my age) which isn't a good sign.

Killed off for good though? I hope not. The kids will always find a way. It could be going on right under our noses - we'd never know about it.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Lost by jump the ladder (4.00 / 1) #3 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 02:19:16 AM EST
Is tres dull. Been a couple of times. Not very sociable people, arrogant djs and overpriced drinks.

Still a thriving squat party scene in London if you can be arsed with dodginess of the people and the places.

[ Parent ]
I'd never been before by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #4 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 02:21:39 AM EST
And you're right. The sound system was lacking as well.

Got a few more contacts recently with people who go to squat parties, it's just a case of being arsed, as you so rightly point out.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Yeah by jump the ladder (4.00 / 1) #5 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 02:27:57 AM EST
The thing is I'd like the spontaniety and cheapness of a squat party combined with the facilities and security of a club. Unfortunately that's never going to happen...

[ Parent ]
Oh god by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #6 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 02:31:27 AM EST
I forgot about squat party toilets... The time I found a little room full of poo... The other time I just thought "Fuck it, when in Rome..." and pissed against the wall...

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
K heads and shit music by Priscilla Kwateng (4.00 / 1) #43 Mon Jun 05, 2006 at 02:47:37 AM EST
...are enough to put me off going to another squat party. Never again.
I frequented a few squat parties in the late 90s (there was bit of a dearth
of good techno clubs and a few of my friends were into it) - most of the
music was just SUF crap with roaring 303s but occasionally you would hear a
good techno or drum 'n bass set from the likes of Pat Hurley.
The people though really were the scum of the earth. One look at them was
enough to turn a well-meaning liberal into a dyed-in-the-wool bigot who
wants to string up the lazy dissipated wasters. There were people lying
everywhere snorting Tony Montana-sized lines of K off the filthy floor -
vacant zombies stumbling around falling downstairs, walking into walls and
shitting themselves. I remember one party (on Sugar House Lane) which had a
room full of 12 year olds tagging everything in site (you certainly wouldn't
have dared going in there and giving them thick ears for being up past their
bedtimes). One room I wandered into could only be described as a room full
of shit. There was one woman in a corridor with a bawling 6 month old baby
for chrissakes. I remember being the only person there with a 2 litre
bottle of water and because there was no running water in the warehouse,
everyone was coming up to me for a swig, and they all wanted to have a
little chat . I ended up shouting at one of them, "Look just take the water
and F** Off, will you? I don't want to talk to you!" And I was on Acid. An
edifying experience to say the least. I still think about that night as an
example of what not to do with your life. As someone said earlier, where do
these people come from? Do they they just hide in their squats in daylight
hours? I think a lot of them are Italian and French crusties who have an
easier life here on the dole and a hell of a lot of them are trustafarians
who have changed their names from Rupert and Tristan to dynamic names like
Rat and Gimpy to appear more authentic. C
**S THE LOT OF THEM. I don't want
them anywhere near my dancefloor. See what they do to you - turn you into a
fascist.

Scone rhymes with John
[ Parent ]
I know what you mean by jump the ladder (2.00 / 0) #44 Mon Jun 05, 2006 at 02:52:57 AM EST
Went to the dodgiest squat party evar in a King's Cross warehouse a few years ago. Full of 11 year old crack heads and blinged up wanna be yardie crack dealers, shitty grafitti all over the walls and  with a real shit sound system. Stayed for about 10 minutes, nasty place full of nasty people...

[ Parent ]
Funny that. I went to a club the other week by idiot boy (2.00 / 0) #21 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 04:07:21 AM EST
Generally - bored although the people I was with were a good laugh - all pilled bar myself obviously.

Managed to stagger on with the stella (got lots of funny looks) until 07:00.

I really couldn't see the attraction of dancing around in an overpriced bar all night though. Drugs or no drugs.

Of course, I never could though could I :).

Bring on the rawk.

[ Parent ]
If you took the drugs by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #26 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 04:43:19 AM EST
You might see the attraction, it does make a bit of a difference.

Well done for going the distance though, I'm impressed.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
I have absolutely no doubt on that by idiot boy (2.00 / 0) #28 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 04:56:17 AM EST
Was offered. Was seriously tempted (more so around 04:00 when only the prospect of not sleeping 'till Monday put me off.

Still don't want to muck about with psychoactives if you know what I mean. Stick to pickling myself I reckon.

[ Parent ]
Yeah by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #30 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 05:00:49 AM EST
Although half a pill isn't going to give you any bother, it's only when you get more than one down you you risk missing a night's sleep.

Still, if you're not that bothered, don't bother...

When are you down in London again anyway? Fancy the Hope for the Paruguay match (next Saturday afternoon)?

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
alternate answer by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 1) #7 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 02:48:07 AM EST
Because there's lots of slices (toasting term for a piece of toast) in a round (crazy UKian word for "loaf").

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Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline
Ah by nebbish (4.00 / 2) #10 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 03:03:00 AM EST
A round of toast is (bit hard to explain this) some toast you've made for more than one person, not a loaf.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Well by riceowlguy (4.00 / 1) #39 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 06:46:29 AM EST
In much that same that a "round of drinks" is you buying drinks for more than one person, sure, I guess, but do people really say "round of toast"?  Are Britons sitting around the bloody IHOP saying "Well, lads, I guess I'll have to get the next round of toast"?

[ Parent ]
Pretty much by nebbish (4.00 / 2) #40 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 06:50:02 AM EST
Though more along the lines of someone saying "I'll make another round of toast" at the communal breakfast table.

It's funny seeing yourself through others' eyes. We're a strange lot.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
non-footballing nation by MillMan (4.00 / 1) #8 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 02:51:32 AM EST
primarily in the sense that there isn't much of a fan base for pro-level soccer. The development system is now well in place. It is actually a popular sport to play from childhood through college. What they have added in the last decade or so is the pro league (MLS) and a development track for young elite players. What the US needs more of to be a top contender every year is for young elite athletes to decide while in high school to pursue soccer instead of baseball, US football, or basketball, which is what DaMarcus Beasley did (picked it over basketball IIRC).

Everybody still hates me in this city and I hate everybody.

Lack of spectator interest by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #9 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 03:01:35 AM EST
Seems to be the only real problem, everything else is in place now, and you've definitely got a world-class national side now. I think a good result in the World Cup will do a lot to popularise the sport, which would be great.

Do you think immigration from Latin America has changed things at all?

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
where did you get 80-1? by soccerrules (3.00 / 1) #11 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 03:14:02 AM EST
i thought you were from the UK, but since the UK is ranked 10th it seems like you wouldn't be able to understand soccer play at the level of the USA (5th), so setting odds would be hard.

sorry if i've misunderstood and you are actually from one of the only 4 countries that are actually better than the USA (5th)

Please be telling all the betting sites then by Breaker (4.00 / 1) #12 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 03:34:20 AM EST
Engerlandland are joint 2nd to win, behind Brazil.

USia comes about 15th by the look of it.  You could make a killing in the betting market with your great understanding of the international game.

Also, your link is a well known site for trolls.  Better content than adequacy, anyway.


[ Parent ]
He does have a point by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #15 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 03:39:56 AM EST
It's a flawed system but it shows how unfancied teams could surprise everyone.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Oh dear. by Alice Pulley (4.00 / 2) #13 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 03:35:58 AM EST
What a tit.

--

'But they're adults and perfectly capable of working it out themselves. And if not, well, fuck em.' - Nebbish '06.

[ Parent ]
Well exactly by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #14 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 03:36:40 AM EST
Why do you think I put the bet on? USA is seriously underestimated.

Though for a bit of perspective you might want to consider that a lot of the teams in that top 20 haven't even made it to the World Cup.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
a slice isn't when you miss the ball by tps12 (4.00 / 3) #16 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 03:51:59 AM EST
It's when you hit it with the leading edge of the club, causing it to curve away from you (i.e., to the right for a right-handed golfer). Missing the ball is called a strike.

Thanks by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #18 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 03:54:00 AM EST
I know nothing about golf

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
For the avoidance of doubt though by idiot boy (4.00 / 1) #23 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 04:33:06 AM EST
Playing golf at all is generally referred to as "boring".

[ Parent ]
Unless by ad hoc (4.00 / 1) #27 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 04:45:36 AM EST
The closest I ever came by idiot boy (4.00 / 2) #29 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 04:58:44 AM EST
Was riding my mountain bike through bunkers as a kid churning them up like a good 'un. haha!

So do you hit the frisbee with the stick things?

[ Parent ]
Other way around by ad hoc (2.00 / 0) #33 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 05:22:45 AM EST
Slice is to the right by johnny (2.00 / 0) #38 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 06:36:22 AM EST
Hook is to the left.

I don't play golf, but between 1966 and 1976 I caddied hundreds of rounds.

She has effectively checked out. She's an un-person of her own making. So it falls to me.--ad hoc (in the hole)

[ Parent ]
Playing the odds by gazbo (4.00 / 1) #17 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 03:53:18 AM EST
It was a good bet indeed - unlikely to come through, but the odds seem  very high.

Oh, you did make it each way at half-odds, of course.  Didn't you?


I recommend always assuming 7th normal form where items in a text column are not allowed to rhyme.

I'm afraid I don't even know what that means by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #19 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 03:54:59 AM EST
But do explain, please!

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
It means by gazbo (2.00 / 0) #20 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 04:00:48 AM EST
That if the USA were to make the final but lose, you'd still win at odds of 40/1.  It's what I've just done on WillHill.

£10 each-way on USA at 80/1 means my total stake is £20, with £10 being on the USA to win (80/1) and £10 on USA to get to the final (40/1).

So, if USA make the final but lose, I get £400 returns.  If USA make the final and win, I get £1200 returns.

You'll find the same thing on say the grand national, except there your second bet will be at loer odds (quarter odds) but you'll win if the horse comes 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th.

It's a good thing to do if you're backing an outsider (and a shit thing to do if you're backing a favourite - you can win back less than you staked).


I recommend always assuming 7th normal form where items in a text column are not allowed to rhyme.

[ Parent ]
Luckily, I lied by nebbish (4.00 / 2) #22 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 04:11:46 AM EST
I haven't actually physically put the bet on yet (off to Ladbrokes after work), so I think I'll follow your advice. Still not risking more than a tenner though.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Fiver each way it is then by idiot boy (4.00 / 1) #24 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 04:35:35 AM EST
The cost of 2.4 Stella. Bargain.

[ Parent ]
Still don't understand what I'm doing by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #25 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 04:41:32 AM EST
So, fiver on USA mnakes the final wins me 400 quid, fiver on USA to win makes me 400 quid? Is that it?

I'm going to look a right muppet at the bookies in Brixton later.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
If you want to bet each way by gazbo (4.00 / 1) #36 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 06:09:19 AM EST
And you only want to bet £10 total, then as he said you should bet £5 each way.  That's £5 to win and £5 to "place" (to use the jargon) at half-odds.

So if USA reach the final and lose, your returns are £5 * 40 = £200.

If they reach the final and win, your returns are (£5 * 40) + (£5 * 80) = £600


I recommend always assuming 7th normal form where items in a text column are not allowed to rhyme.

[ Parent ]
Yeah, got it now by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #37 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 06:35:09 AM EST
Maths was never my strong point. All clear now though.

Wading through all the terminology on WillHill.com - Jesus it's complicated! I bet the wasters who hang around in betting shops all day could do a decent job of running the economy (if they didn't go and spunk it all on a horse that is).

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
OLD SKOOK! by idiot boy (4.00 / 1) #42 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 01:07:43 PM EST
Where's that 5 dammit.

[ Parent ]
The US are 109-1 on Betfair at the mo' [nt] by yicky yacky (2.00 / 0) #31 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 05:16:35 AM EST

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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
Is that an online only one? by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #32 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 05:20:53 AM EST
Because this is complicated enough, I've just had a look at the WillHill site and it was like trying to read Martian.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Yeah by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #34 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 05:34:37 AM EST

It's a "betting mart", as opposed to "a bookmakers", which just means that you are playing against bets provided by other punters (some of whom may be bookmakers). It's like the ebay of betting.

What it does mean is that the odds are hyper-competitive (20% better odds than available at the bookmakers are not at all uncommon). I'm "allowed" £50 a year on there. Between the Grand National (£10 - fell at the first fence) and Man U (£20 - didn't catch 'em), I'm down to twenty-quid-left already, although, the world cup aside, I can't see myself making any more bets this year. It's just useful as they give decent odds and you don't have to deal with bookies.


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
I wonder why I don't use betfair by gazbo (2.00 / 0) #35 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 06:06:06 AM EST
I've looked at it many times, but never signed up.  I think every time I've looked at "strange" betting markets (i.e. not sports) which I like to bet on, there've either been no offers available, or there've only been offers of £10 or so to take up at odds that are better than the regular bookies.

I really ought to sign up.  Ten again, maybe not.  I can see myself playing the bookie on there too much for my own good.  And my wallet's good.


I recommend always assuming 7th normal form where items in a text column are not allowed to rhyme.

[ Parent ]
Yeah - The downside by yicky yacky (2.00 / 0) #41 Thu Jun 01, 2006 at 08:41:50 AM EST

is that you're at the mercy of whatever markets happen to be open, which are usually sport, financial markets and politics. It's also frustrating to back something at 10.0 with rapidly dwindling lay funds only to then watch it climb to 17.0 with plenty of lay-ers later in the day. The smart money's on the lays, but there's little chance of a big score, which is half the fun from a punter's perspective.

They do offer to open any market you like if you contact them, but note that, "Please be aware that we are not able to satisfy all requests for a variety of operational, legal and ethical reasons.". You can imagine the level of abuse that system would get if completely open.


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
Why is playing golf badly like some toast? | 44 comments (44 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback