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Print Story I heard you let that little friend of mine take off your party dress...
Wizards and Hobbits
By Bob Abooey (Tue May 23, 2006 at 11:35:51 AM EST) Lunch, Plug in, culture of Corruption, Love Child, Free Crap, All this and much much more! (all tags)
The B.A.D.TM

Tucking my shirt in since 1973...


  • So, the Republican Culture of Corruption is trickling down to the Democrats now, eh? Sure, they lead by example and of course these poor blokes are going to follow. That said, it's tough to look innocent when they have you on video tape taking the bribe, then find 100 g's wrapped in foil and crammed in your freezer. Heh... Good thinking there sparky. Obviously his decision making skills have been influenced by Tom Delay and "Scooter" Libby, no sane jury on the planet will convict him.

  • The big gala wedding was a huge success last weekend. Well, except for that one moment when some guy jumped up and yelled something about the lovely Ms. ToDeath carrying his love child during the "is there any reason why these two should not get married" part of the ceremony. The Reverend/Pastor/Preacher guy handled it as well as can be expected (turns out the guy was just joking around), it's probably not something they get a lot of training on. As a side note, the bride and groom dated for 15 years before getting married, which, ladies take note, is the perfect length for a courtship. QED.

  • I'm having a "rotisserie" deli shaved chicken stemitch for lunch today, along with a tub of my world famous home made Spanish Rice stuff. I modified the recipe again with this batch, doubling the amount of tomatoe sauce and chili powder, so it's a little more creamy and it's got a bit more zing. Yummers.

  • I've been on a "download every free VST plugin regardless of how crappy it is" kick as of late. That said, I've found The Kjaerhus Classic Series freebies to be pretty darn good. Certainly in a class above your average free junk type stuff. Still I think they should work on the name a bit. It's pretty tough to do the whole word of mouth thing when you can't even come close to pronouncing the name. Ka - jer - hus maybe??? Damn foreigners.

  • My throat is a bit sore today. Curses to my wimpy constitution.

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Doctor my eyes
- Tell me what is wrong 75%
- Cause I have tried 75%
- to leave them open for so long 75%
- Other - Right On! 25%
- Other - Groovy! 0%
- Other - Far Out! 25%

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I heard you let that little friend of mine take off your party dress... | 53 comments (53 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
courtship by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #1 Tue May 23, 2006 at 11:48:16 AM EST
15 years ? Geeze, bob, if that's your standard, better get down to the high school and start trolling for 18 year olds. That way, they'll at least still be fertile by the time you make up your mind.. Or toss 'em aside, as those high school girls all stay the same age.. heh.

Anyway, I'll guess that you're not near any commitment stage in your life. What's to fear ?

And who were the participants in said wedding, anyway ? (and did anyone take that tosser out and beat some sense into him ? Or was it informal enough that he could get away with it ? I mean, I'm a jokester, but I wouldn't try anything that stupid)



I'm just doing my part by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #29 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:14:05 PM EST
Look, I have no plans to get married. Ever. I think it's silly that you have to have some legal document to qualify a committed relationship.

No sir, I'm just doing my part to inform the unwashed masses. I happen to know that at least 3 or 4 real women (not just guys pretending to be women) read my secret diary and this is the type of information they need. See, I'm all about education.

Regarding the tosser, well, you know, now that I think about it, the ether was really kicking in at that moment so it's quite possible that was some sort of hallucination. With ether it's kinda hard to tell.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob
[ Parent ]

Plans? You think any of us plan this? by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #41 Tue May 23, 2006 at 04:35:58 PM EST
It just sneaks up on you one day, usually when you can't be bothered explaining the plot of a film for the fifth time, and mistakenly think that popping the question will let you watch it in peace.

-
Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

Did you hook up with any bridesmaids? by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #2 Tue May 23, 2006 at 11:49:25 AM EST
I hear weddings gets the gals all starry eyed and hot and bothered, though I have no real data on that. I reckon an elegible young man like you, with a real job and no mentioned child or legal entanglements, would be a real catch, other than that troll problem.

Good ol' LTD is now married, eh? I reckon once the kids come out, he'll be back here, complaining with the rest of us old married breeder farts.

I assume you have bread on the stemitch? And you're having rice? Didn't you hear, carbs are poison, our poor lil pancreas isn't designed to process that many carbs. Better start shopping now for glucose meters.




Ooohh LTD got married ? by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #7 Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:14:09 PM EST
I see. Misread that "Mrs. To Death" was Bob making a comment on the "to death do us part" of the marriage or something like that. Isn't that where the "does anyone have any objections to this marriage, speak now or forever after hold his peace" part comes in ?

Regardless, did the esteemable Mr. P show up as well ? What's that kid up to ?

Anyway, seems L2D has his own blog

[ Parent ]

Man, he's got some high standards by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #11 Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:27:47 PM EST
Bob makes the wedding list, but not the friend at the blog list.


[ Parent ]

He'a a stand up guy by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #15 Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:36:37 PM EST
Probably best not to be tied to a known Internet troll.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob
[ Parent ]

Wow.. good catch by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 1) #12 Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:29:06 PM EST
I didn't know he was a member of the bloging society.

Yeah, Peter Smooth was there too, in fact he sang some karaoke songs during the reception. At least I think that was him, the E was really kicking in at that point and things got a bit hazy.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob
[ Parent ]

Esteemable, eh? by SmoothP (4.00 / 1) #38 Tue May 23, 2006 at 02:52:44 PM EST
Who do you think was the "love child" tosser?  As luck would have it, I ended up being the best man, which in the end I discovered mostly means that it's all on you to ensure that the groom's zipper is up during all important parts of the ceremony.  Oh well, maybe next time I'll do better.

My life is much the same.  Maybe I'll follow in LTD's footsteps and start a blog somewhere to tell you about it.  Thanks for asking.


[ Parent ]

Plus the bachelor party by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #39 Tue May 23, 2006 at 03:04:25 PM EST
you did take LTD and crew up to Canada, where they have sex crazed Inuit strippers for a Molson and poutine fueled bachelor party, didn't you?


[ Parent ]

EDITORIAL COMMENT: by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #42 Tue May 23, 2006 at 04:49:49 PM EST
I'm still looking for Eskimo pr0n. My e-mail is listed above.

PMSbuddy.com -- Saving relationships, one month at a time!
[ Parent ]

Nanootka does Inuktuk didn't do it for you? by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #43 Tue May 23, 2006 at 04:57:31 PM EST
excuse me, now I must wank.


[ Parent ]

Yep by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #9 Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:23:25 PM EST
He's now officially married.

I only knew a handful of the people there and as such my goal was pretty much not to say anything real stupid, which I think I accomplished.

re Bread???? Bah, what's with all this hatin on the carbs? We've been eating carbs for 80,000,000 years now.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob
[ Parent ]

Grains have been around about 10k years by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #13 Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:31:00 PM EST
a hiccup on the evolutionary scale, though if you're one of those Intelligent Design sorts, why, I'll let you get back to praying for a lowered cholestorel count.

For me, I'm gonna have some jerky!


[ Parent ]

Can't eat carbs, can't eat fatty foods??? by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #17 Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:53:16 PM EST
What's left I ask you, what's left?

May as well drop out and move to some SoCal hippie commune where all they do is smoke the ganja and eat fruit all day.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob
[ Parent ]

Soy : it's what's left. by ad hoc (2.00 / 0) #21 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:03:37 PM EST

--
Close friendships and a private room can offer most of the things love does.
[ Parent ]

Thanks for that by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #23 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:07:18 PM EST
I appreciate the restraint you used by not mentioning humus.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob
[ Parent ]

Humus has lots of oil by ad hoc (2.00 / 0) #25 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:09:25 PM EST
but it's good oil.

I had some for lunch in my falafel sandwich. Yummers.
--
Close friendships and a private room can offer most of the things love does.
[ Parent ]

I'm glad to see by DullTrev (2.00 / 0) #47 Wed May 24, 2006 at 05:27:27 AM EST

that hummus is on your mind. Maybe it's time for you to start eating it on a regular basis.


--
DFJ?
[ Parent ]

Jerky is low in fat and low in carbs [nt] by lm (2.00 / 0) #26 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:10:58 PM EST
And there's always pure collagen, which is protein and nothing but protein.
There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]

Republican Culture of Corruption by jimgon (4.00 / 3) #3 Tue May 23, 2006 at 11:54:15 AM EST
Come on, this guy's from New Orleans.  This isn't corruption.  This is normal down there. 



Good point by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 1) #8 Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:14:25 PM EST
The "prior art" defense coupled with the "just doing as our leaders do" defense should have this guy back in the pink in short order.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob
[ Parent ]

Elvis Costello? (nt) by randomxs (2.00 / 0) #4 Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:01:26 PM EST


"When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him." - Thomas Szasz


Indeed by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 1) #5 Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:11:34 PM EST
~nt~

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob
[ Parent ]

Aaaaaallllison, by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #27 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:12:10 PM EST
my aim is true...
~
There is absolutely no correlation or causation amongst intelligence, power, talent and wealth.
Kha-Nyou
[ Parent ]

Kjærhus by TurboThy (4.00 / 1) #6 Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:13:43 PM EST
"Kyarhoows" is the closest I can get using English pronounciation.

That said, why the flying fuck didn't he call it "Larsen Audio" is he knew he was going to go international?
__
You can't fix anything, you can't change anything, so just tell them that everything is A. The Fuck OK. —Rogerborg


See? See? I TOLD you we rushed things by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #10 Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:27:31 PM EST
I got emotionally blackmailed into a public emasculation ceremony[1] after only 11 years or so.  Now the phrase "Big screen TV" is just meaningless blurb.  It does nothing for me.  Nothing.

You must be making that Democrat thing up.  I haven't read anything about it over at DailyKo5, and as you very well know, that's the only source for reality based political news.

Ditto on the bridesmaid[2] question.

[1] In the context of being a nation of skirt wearers, that's pretty damn emasculating.

[2] Shouldn't that be "bride's maids"?  And what in the name of fucked up possessives is "bridegroom" all about?  It was all right to show a bit of faux deference in the days when women were chattels as soon as the ring went on, but now they're uppity enough already without that kind of linguistic encouragement.

-
Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.


Not at the dailyk05? by lm (4.00 / 2) #28 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:12:46 PM EST
Either you're thinking of a different k05 or you somehow missed about a dozen diaries calling for Jefferson's resignation.
There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]

OR by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 1) #33 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:49:39 PM EST
and I offer this only in the spirit of logical completeness, not because I have any reason to think it is true, he may have just assumed it wasn't posted there without checking.

---
Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline
[ Parent ]

Rogerborg might be blowing smoke out his arse? by lm (4.00 / 1) #34 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:57:14 PM EST
You, sir, must hate America. Mr. Borg is the paragon of American virtue and honesty.
There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]

Just playing Devil's Advocate by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 1) #35 Tue May 23, 2006 at 02:03:36 PM EST
I know in my heart that he would never do that for real.

---
Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline
[ Parent ]

Oh, *diaries* by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #40 Tue May 23, 2006 at 04:34:37 PM EST
I try to avoid them; you never know when you're going to stumble across something horribly informative and insightful, rather than the comfortingly apoplectic hate filled sneering that constitute front page "stories".

-
Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

OH, *front page stories* by lm (4.00 / 1) #44 Wed May 24, 2006 at 12:06:46 AM EST
Like Memo to Dem Caucus: Demand Jefferson's resignation
There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]

Oh, stuff from the FUTURE by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #45 Wed May 24, 2006 at 02:13:00 AM EST
I'm glad that Ko5 has been monitoring my transmissions.  I'll have to see if I can get him to come out in favour of women marrying oysters and men adopting baby donkeys.

-
Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

I'm not so good at math by lm (4.00 / 1) #48 Wed May 24, 2006 at 07:20:15 AM EST
Can you convert both of these time stamps to UCT and tell me which comes first?

Tue May 23, 2006 at 07:58:44 AM PDT
Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:27:31 EST

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]

We have a 12 hour lag in Scotchlandia by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #49 Wed May 24, 2006 at 07:38:59 AM EST
That's how long it takes to transport the packets across the peat bogs on wench-back.  Thanks for rubbing it in, Mr "I Get My Packets at the Speed of Light".

-
Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

So the Borg has no North American units? by lm (2.00 / 0) #50 Wed May 24, 2006 at 08:22:21 AM EST
Please try harder, I want to believe that you are right and I am wrong.
There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]

For the next 7 months... by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #46 Wed May 24, 2006 at 02:13:28 AM EST
let's try to not bite so hard, eh? Consider it an exercise in character-building, if you must.

PMSbuddy.com -- Saving relationships, one month at a time!
[ Parent ]

What a hoot by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #51 Wed May 24, 2006 at 08:40:45 AM EST
From the diaries. I agree wholeheartedly. No double standards. Corruption is corruption, no matter where it may arise -- kos

Heh.. Way to make a stand there sparky! What next, will he come out against murder too? Boy, that guy is a real leader! A real trailblazer!

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob
[ Parent ]

Color me cynical by lm (2.00 / 0) #52 Wed May 24, 2006 at 10:12:21 AM EST
But I suspect that over half the diaries are really just cover against ``et tu'' attacks down the road.
There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]

Heh by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #53 Wed May 24, 2006 at 10:23:36 AM EST
I couldn't even read the whole thing. When I got to the part where they claim this guy's illegal activity is bad because it screws with their "culture of corruption" campaign slogan I had to bail. Those idiots are going to make good republicans in 25 years!

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob
[ Parent ]

Corruption? No! Bob, don't you realize by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #14 Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:35:46 PM EST
that everyone in DCia keeps 90 large in the freezer? If you don't believe me, just ask Cam!

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)


I knew I moved out of jersey for a reason by cam (4.00 / 1) #18 Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:58:57 PM EST
Up there they make you keep decapitated heads in your fridge.

cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic
[ Parent ]

damn by garlic (4.00 / 1) #16 Tue May 23, 2006 at 12:40:15 PM EST
every time I here of what I think is a brilliant hiding place, it's in the context of police confiscating stuff from said hiding place.

my current best plan is at the bottom of a frozen casserole, but hearing this makes me think that that's not that good either.



Here Is A Good Idea by Improbus (4.00 / 1) #19 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:00:19 PM EST
Take your bribe in gold.  Go to a national park (plenty near DC).  Dig a hole.  Mark down the GPS co-ordinates.  Encrypt your GPS co-ordinate list.  Leave your stash alone until you are ready to launder it.  QED.

Of course none of this will work if you are being followed and filmed.  It's a good thing that our elected officials are stupid and behind the times or the FBI would never catch them.


If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago. --- Oma Desala
[ Parent ]

You're not thinking clearly by ad hoc (4.00 / 3) #22 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:05:33 PM EST
Leave buried gold in a national park full of resident RVs filled to the brim with old retired men in sweaty t-shirts and metal detectors?!?!
--
Close friendships and a private room can offer most of the things love does.
[ Parent ]

That's what I thought too by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 1) #20 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:01:53 PM EST
They must perform a pretty thorough search.

I'm thinking your best bet is to have to have it hidden offsite somewhere. Maybe rent a PO box under an assumed name and stick it there? Or a locker at the airport like they do in the movies. At least for a few years until you're sure you got away with it.

Or, I think I would find a way to hide in in the walls of my house, or maybe have it encased in cement and make it part of the back patio or something like that.

True story. A 4th or 5th cousin of mine embezzled 750,000 grand from her company. She got caught cause she was living like a King on an accountants salary. Not to bright. I think she's still in prison.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob
[ Parent ]

That never works on CSI by ad hoc (2.00 / 0) #24 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:07:48 PM EST
Airport lockers are on the wrong side of metal detectors, that wouldn't work.

I think you have to show an ID to rent a PO box nowadays.

The latest trend seems to be horse farms.
--
Close friendships and a private room can offer most of the things love does.
[ Parent ]

The best solution by lm (4.00 / 1) #30 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:14:50 PM EST
Take the payment in platinum, cast it into a vase. Cover the vase with plaster and spray paint it gold.
There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]

vase ?@?! Are you daft man ? by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #36 Tue May 23, 2006 at 02:16:36 PM EST
Everyone knows you cast it into the statue of a bird of prey then spray paint it grey to look like lead.

[ Parent ]

po box by garlic (2.00 / 0) #37 Tue May 23, 2006 at 02:46:43 PM EST
yep. My brother is in the middle of moving to madison from groton, and tried to get a po box. Not only do you have to show ID, you have to show proof of residence in the zipcode where you're getting the box. crazy.

[ Parent ]

Well, Duh! by ObviousTroll (4.00 / 1) #31 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:17:38 PM EST
You know how much it costs to get stains out of a party dress?

--
You're no good to me dead. Even half-alive would be socially awkward. - Hugh MacLeod


Touche! by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #32 Tue May 23, 2006 at 01:22:39 PM EST
Good one. You're really on your game today.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob
[ Parent ]

I heard you let that little friend of mine take off your party dress... | 53 comments (53 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback

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