Had dinner with Dan, he of the crappy divorce.

    We met at this faux-English pub joint downtown.

    Dan told me that his divorce drags on. He had to make a trip to Ikea to purchase a new bed. Seems Becky, his soon-to-be ex shivved his old one. And by bed, I mean air mattress. So it was deader than Dillinger and had to be replaced.

    Shortly after getting the new bed built, he got a phone call from Becky. She claimed the multiple stab wounds suffered by the air mattress were an accident. She wouldn't stab his bed on purpose because, silly, she loves him. In fact, as proof, she wanted him to keep an eye out for the upcoming academic publication, in which he is thanked as her "infinitely patient husband."

    The next day, Dan got a summons telling him he needed to show up for court. He had several major traffic violations stacked up and, according to his summons, if he missed his second court date (Second? When was the first?) a bench warrant would be issued for his arrest.
    Dan eventually put it all together and figured out that Becky's been racking up the violations, but, because his name is still on the title, he's is considered liable for anything that happens with "his" vehicle.
    Dan lit the lawyer signal and the issues still hang, unresolved.

Reading: Missed Connections

File Under: The Less Sleazy You Try To Sound, The Sleazier You Sound

A girl named "Jo".

Mogwai was one of the most intense concerts I've been to in some time, and while there I met a great deal of fascinating people, including yourself- a girl whom shook my hand and introduced herself to me as "Jo."

I was the tall fella' with a nose ring and a grin entirely to goofy to work in any sort of stylistic sense with the piece of metal in my face. I was accompanied by my girlfriend, and a group of friends, and was far to absorbed in the surroundings to attempt to have any sort of meaningful conversation. As a result, I propose this:

Key lime pie, and coffee. The first article is non-negotiable, it's a deal breaker if you're not into key lime. The second can be traded out for a number of different beverages. Let me iterate, however at the risk of sounding pretentious, I mean this in a strictly platonic sense, and am quite in love with my girlfriend. (Again, I apologize, I'm not sure how to phrase "I just want pie, coffee and good conversation" without sounding like an ass.)

Thank you for your attention to this text, and I'm curious to see if these things work.

Source: Dallas Observer

File Under: "Well, he seemed perfectly nice. What did you two talk about while I was gone?"

Husband at Missie B's?

I met you and your wife on 4/14 at Missie B's. I sat next to you during the show. I was very attracted to you and you were very attentive. If you are as interested in another man like you acted, contact me. I'd love to explore this more.

Source: Pitch, Kansas City

File Under: Play "Spot the Canadian"

Chelsea Room bartender/waitress

I'm the guy who showed up way earlier than the rest of the party on Saturday night (May 15th). I ordered a Coke and you had to check the price. I'm no Wade Redden or Fisher but not to be blunt I hope I may have sparked your interest. If so feel free to contact me.

Source: NOW Magazine, Toronto

File Under: If Got the Poster of Brandon Lee Clutching His Chest

Looking for Zyllah on AOL

Looking for Zyllah that was on AOL eight years ago. Your real name is possibly Brian. You were 26 at the time and lived off of 43rd & Main in the Berkley building with the possible apartment number 204. We hanged out and watched the movie The Crow together. I felt a connection from you at the time. I was under the name BloodTwist on AOL or Iceblade7. We have the same Brandon Lee picture- The one with flames. Curious if you ever thought about me and is trying to find me like I have thought about you and been trying to find you. If anyone knows of him and sees this, tell him to contact me through this ad regardless of any feeling toward me. I just wanted to know how he's been and if he's doing ok. Maybe we could have a good friendship in the future. Sent with love, thanks, and peace.

Source: Pitch

File Under: Well, Now I'm Looking for Her Too

Looking for Madison from Bonita Flata

Hey, looking for Madison used to dance at Bonita Flats. She turned me and my man on many nights. Miss her dancing and would love to see if you are working anywhere now. Me, tall sexy blonde, you pulled my boobs out at teh club one night and got in trouble. Let me know where you went I need a dance.

Source: Pitch, Kansas City

File Under: You Had Me at "HOSS"

License plate "HOSS" . . . Parma HTS McDonalds

We spoke briefly, would love to know more about you! You were dark, goodlooking and had arm tattoos driving a silver pick up truck.

Source: Cleveland Scene