Print Story Analysis of a WFC non-entry
Ever since my dramatic victory in the WFC, people have been coming up to me asking for my advice.  "theantix," they say, "how can I not write a short story in order to win fame, money, and women?"

Inside: my advice



The first step to not entering a novelette into a short story is to get yourself in the right frame of mind.  This usually involves copious amounts of playing Civ4, writing computer programs, and watching downloaded episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- but to be honest anything will do so long as it gets you in the right frame of mind.  How can you can tell you are in the right frame of mind?  If you're not thinking about writing a short story, you're already there.

The second habit of highly effective non-writers is to be awesome.  Some might argue that awesomeness is subjected, but those people are stupid so ignore them.  To be truly awesome, you must occasionally post snarky replies to diaries on husi and of course lurk in the IRC channel instead of preparing for your job interview on Wednesday.  If you are awesome, this dramatically increases the chance of your non-entry to take first prize in any competition.

The third and final pillar of non-entry success is to be distracted on the day that the competition is closing for entries.  All too many people remember to be awesome and don't get into the right frame of mind, but then at the last minute they get a burst of energy and complete one anyhow.  The best remedy for preventing this type of problem is to cut off your hands, but failing that you could try something else like designing a ridiculous (but truly awesome) image map navigation system for your website or post inane content on your blog.

I hope this lesson has been valuable to all you non-enterers out there -- with any luck you too can be a champion someday just like me.  Well, hopefully not just like me.

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Analysis of a WFC non-entry | 13 comments (13 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
+1, Awesome Analysis by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 3) #1 Mon May 15, 2006 at 12:54:33 PM EST

That's the kind of advice I can use!


-
You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
did you know? by theantix (4.00 / 2) #2 Mon May 15, 2006 at 12:58:11 PM EST
kangaroo penii are frigging creepy!

Also, I am glad to help with the advice.

____________________________________
You sir, are worse than Hitler.

[ Parent ]
Damn! How many women did you get? (nt) by randomxs (2.00 / 0) #3 Mon May 15, 2006 at 01:32:03 PM EST


"When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him." - Thomas Szasz
adjusted for quality? by theantix (4.00 / 3) #4 Mon May 15, 2006 at 01:57:51 PM EST
a million billion billion.

____________________________________
You sir, are worse than Hitler.
[ Parent ]
Awwwwww by skippy (2.00 / 0) #5 Mon May 15, 2006 at 03:10:12 PM EST
that's so sweet!  She's so lucky!

Unless, of course, that she counts as (a million billion billion - 10000) and you've been whoring around town for that other 10000, in which case you're an AWFUL MAN!

One of those, pick your favourite.

[ Parent ]
it's one of life's mysteries [nt] by theantix (2.00 / 0) #8 Mon May 15, 2006 at 06:21:43 PM EST


____________________________________
You sir, are worse than Hitler.
[ Parent ]
You sir by joh3n (4.00 / 3) #6 Mon May 15, 2006 at 04:38:14 PM EST
Are, and shall always be, my hero.

----
i wish they'd make hitler toilet paper
-mns

a note to everyone in the audience by theantix (4.00 / 3) #7 Mon May 15, 2006 at 06:15:27 PM EST
^-- this is what I meant in the intro text by "fame".  And by "money", I meant that when I woke up this morning I had a quarter stuck to my butt.

____________________________________
You sir, are worse than Hitler.
[ Parent ]
EDITORIAL COMMENT: by ammoniacal (4.00 / 2) #9 Mon May 15, 2006 at 09:37:27 PM EST
Probably not a fictitious anecdote.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
A quarter of what? /nt by Ignore Amos (4.00 / 1) #10 Mon May 15, 2006 at 10:57:10 PM EST


[ Parent ]
You forgot to include in your analysis by calla (2.00 / 0) #11 Tue May 16, 2006 at 08:30:34 PM EST
the importance of cultivating a catch phrase that includes your name.

You should suggest to your readers that they spend many years cultivating a catch phrase, before following your simple, easy, and fun steps to winning a writing contest without entering.

"Are Linux chicks worth it?" fencepost

that may be a bit much to ask of folks by theantix (2.00 / 0) #12 Tue May 16, 2006 at 09:23:35 PM EST
I've been doing "theantix was here" since 2002.  That may be pushing the limit on what a person could be expected to do to win a WFC without entering.  But still, if you're aiming for a 2010 WFC victory I wish you all the luck in the world!

____________________________________
You sir, are worse than Hitler.
[ Parent ]
Without the catch phrase, by calla (2.00 / 0) #13 Wed May 17, 2006 at 04:05:30 AM EST
I don't think you'd have won.

Even though it's difficult - it's probably the most important part of your win.

"Are Linux chicks worth it?" fencepost

[ Parent ]
Analysis of a WFC non-entry | 13 comments (13 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback