once i saw that there was going to be no shortage of entries i simply decided to sit out this round rather than try to force it.

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on the topic of your story: i found it amusing, particularly because the word immediately made me assume that your characters were anthropomorphised pixels on a computer screen.

one piece of very simple advice: you were inconsistent in your tense at a couple of points and i found it really jarring.

an example:
"The idea is like a brilliant white light. It lit everything up in our minds."
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_{I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni}