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Diary
By Christopher Robin was Murdered (Mon May 01, 2006 at 08:12:39 AM EST) (all tags)
Dee the un-doorman. Brooklyn local demands Dee get some Giuliani Time. I join the fraternity of lame criminals.


Sunday

    There's a Citibank on 7th Avenue in Brooklyn. Just about every Sunday, on the way to church, I head there and fill the wallet for the rest of the week and get a little green to kick into the collection.

    Usually, there's a pan handler standing the vestibule of the bank. He usually opens the door for folks on the way in and out. He seems like a nice enough guy. Tall, thin. Black guy in his mid to late 50s. He always has dry ash on his hands, but he seems clean and well-kept. His clothes, while worn, are never filthy. He smiles, says thanks, and opens the door whether you give him change or not.
    He's always wearing the same hat, a black baseball cap with a white Gothic font capital "D" on it. I don't know his real name, but I think of him as Dee.

    Last Sunday, Dee wasn't waiting in the vestibule. He was standing on the corner, leaning against a mailbox, watching folks let themselves in and out of the door. He wasn't asking nobody for money. He was just standing there.

    May and I walked passed him. Had a little trouble with my card, but eventually somebody leaving opened the door and we went in after they left.

    Inside there was a man shouting into the service phones next to one of the ATMs. He was about my height, heavy set. White guy in his late forties. He had buzz cut, sandy blond hair. He wore rectangular framed glasses and his face was red with anger and exertion. He wore a pale blue Polo shirt and khaki shorts.
    He was yelling at the helpline worker.
    "What I'm trying to tell you is that there's a man breaking the law in one of your banks! Don't you care? He's breaking the law!"

    Panhandling inside a bank is a no-no in NYC.

    "No. But he's just outside. Do you want me to call the cops? Because I will. No. He's not gone though. He's just waiting until I leave. Don't you get it? What? No, no, no. He's breaking the law! The law! Look, I'm going to call the cops. If you're not going to, I'm going to call the cops. What? Like 7th Avenue and Union, or something. What? No he's not here now . . ."
    I got through the line, got my money, and was headed out the door when he slammed down the phone and began fishing the cell phone out of his pocket. A woman, short, round glasses, curly reddish hair said, "Let's go." Wife maybe?
    "Wait, I have to call the police."

    Outside, Dee was still leaning up against the mailbox.
    I walked up to him.
    "There's a guy in there," I said. "He's yellin' his head off and talking about calling the cops."
    "Yeah. I bet."
    "I think he's going to do it."
    Dee looked at me and looked at the bank door.
    "I'd clear out. Just for a little while," I said.
    Dee sighed. "Sure. Thanks."
    I walked off to church. He walked off to wherever Dee goes when he not at his unofficial post.

    Later, after church, walking to brunch, May and I were talking about it. I said, "The guy's got a right to call the cops, but I got a right to talk to Dee."
    "I don't know," said May. "I'm glad you did it. But Dee was committing a crime. A lame crime, but a crime. I don't think you do have the right to tip off somebody committing a crime that the cops are on the way."
    "Reckon you're right. I'm aiding and abetting non-aggressive panhandling."
    I was quiet for a second.
    "That's fine with me," I said. "I'd be proud to have that on my record. I'd pay that fine happily. And to that dude in the bank, I'd say, 'Fuck you, man. Seriously, as a Christian, I say Fuck you.' If he was a car, I'd have keyed his shit."

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Do Nothing | 34 comments (34 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
He was probably a suburbanite by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #1 Mon May 01, 2006 at 08:17:28 AM EST
they get nervous around people of color.


I Have No Evidence by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #3 Mon May 01, 2006 at 08:20:50 AM EST
But I suspect he was local. One of the many building owners who bitch and moan about the rising tide of panhandlers, homeless folk, and other "citizens of the wrong type" coming around and ruining the property values of Park Slope.

[ Parent ]
homeless by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #24 Mon May 01, 2006 at 11:10:22 AM EST
As a suburbanite who works in the city, I feel there are two sorts of homeless: annoying drunks/psychos who shit on the trains, aggressively panhandle, etc. and poor people just trying to get by, usually using some schtick to attract quarters. The first type I'd just as-soon were gone...the latter should be left alone, even the scammers. (i.e. the people I see every day standing-up next to their wheel-chairs, or the thirty-year-old "vietnam vets".)

"Dee" is obviously the second type and buzz-cut's an ass.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

[ Parent ]
Could be by ad hoc (2.00 / 0) #18 Mon May 01, 2006 at 10:22:28 AM EST
but my guess he's a recent suburban transplant moving back to the city to be where all the cool kids are. I've seen this a lot lately. People from the burbs move here and think things ought to be exactly like they are there and get really worked into a froth when it isn't.
--
Close friendships and a private room can offer most of the things love does.
[ Parent ]
I'd take the fall for Dee too by DesiredUsername (2.00 / 0) #2 Mon May 01, 2006 at 08:20:42 AM EST
but Buzzcut may not have seen him before and felt a little nervous about using the ATM with someone loitering in there (or just outside, having recently exited for that very reason).

Let us not judge too harshly, lest we be keyed ourselves.

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Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline

I Didn't Record the Whole Rant by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #5 Mon May 01, 2006 at 08:21:49 AM EST
Yelly McShoutRant mentioned chasing Dee off before.

[ Parent ]
Gentlemen, start your keying (nt) by DesiredUsername (2.00 / 0) #7 Mon May 01, 2006 at 08:25:38 AM EST


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Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline
[ Parent ]
Eye Of The Needle by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 3) #4 Mon May 01, 2006 at 08:20:54 AM EST
I'm sure Mr. Yellingpants has never made an illegal U-turn or dubbed a copy of a VHS. I'm very sure that his vitriol against Dee had nothing to do with his social status, or how his lifestyle may have made Dee uncomfortable and inspired in him a level of contempt he was unable to process.

The law is the law, but being a jackass is still being a jackass.

Onward Christian soldier!

I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da. We are a simple, grease-loving people who enjoy le weekend de ski.
WWJD? He'd Key This Guy's Shit. n/t by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 5) #6 Mon May 01, 2006 at 08:22:40 AM EST


[ Parent ]
Dude, Jesus Doesn't Drive. by CheeseburgerBrown (2.00 / 0) #8 Mon May 01, 2006 at 08:31:48 AM EST
He takes a cab.

That being said, I think Jesus would've smacked the guy over the head with his sandal and said, "C'mon."


I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da. We are a simple, grease-loving people who enjoy le weekend de ski.
[ Parent ]
Jesus drives a Plymouth dude by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #9 Mon May 01, 2006 at 08:36:20 AM EST
He gave rides to all the money changers in the Temple in his Fury. He was such a nice man.


[ Parent ]
Nah, Jesus drove a motorhome by Gully Foyle (2.00 / 0) #20 Mon May 01, 2006 at 10:24:31 AM EST
I Know Jesus Doesn't Drive. by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #10 Mon May 01, 2006 at 08:37:44 AM EST
I'd loan him my keys.

I trust he'll bring them back. 'Cause, you know, he's Jesus.

[ Parent ]
Oh, he'll bring them back by debacle (2.00 / 0) #26 Mon May 01, 2006 at 12:22:58 PM EST
Eventually.

IF YOU HAVE TWO FIRLES THOROWNF MONEY ART SUOCIDE GIRLS STRIPPER HPW CAN YPUS :OSE?!?!?!?(elcevisides).

[ Parent ]
He still has keys by ad hoc (4.00 / 2) #19 Mon May 01, 2006 at 10:23:40 AM EST
In Memoriam by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #11 Mon May 01, 2006 at 09:03:41 AM EST

Here lies the body of
Christopher Robin was Murdered
1971 - 2006
He was murdered
by a panhandler
where no panhandler
should have been


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
I'd Take That Over . . . by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #12 Mon May 01, 2006 at 09:18:37 AM EST
"Had heart attack brought on by the stressful responsibilities of his self-appointed position of blockommandant. Though nobody cared, and everybody thought he was a dick, he wants everybody to know that he was right, and that poor people have no business being in his bank, his neighborhood, or his city."

[ Parent ]
Maybe you would, sir by yicky yacky (2.00 / 0) #13 Mon May 01, 2006 at 09:39:33 AM EST

but I wasn't so certain it was an either-or situation.

Let's do an empirical test.

You have to pretend to be a self-appointed, jumped-up, little Hitler for one week, then you get murdered by a panhandler the next. We'll then ask for your opinions on both states. I'm sure Channel 4 would go for it.


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
Didn't the Googlewhack Guy Already Do This One? by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #14 Mon May 01, 2006 at 09:53:53 AM EST
I'm thinking I've already seen this one.

[ Parent ]
Damnit by yicky yacky (2.00 / 0) #15 Mon May 01, 2006 at 10:11:58 AM EST

It has all been done.


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
It's a Tigers cap. by calla (2.00 / 0) #16 Mon May 01, 2006 at 10:13:52 AM EST
I had one. I miss it dearly.


Sticking it to the man... by lb008d (2.00 / 0) #17 Mon May 01, 2006 at 10:14:42 AM EST
When I have extra quarters and someone's meter is about to run out, I'll put one in. The downtown parking Nazis where I live seem to have the ability to find a meter just after it expires.

I do that once in a while. by ad hoc (4.00 / 2) #21 Mon May 01, 2006 at 10:26:30 AM EST
Last time was this mid-30's guy with two little boys who were quite the handful. He was fishing around, looking for quarters adn the kids were all like LET'S GO DAD. I stuck a quarter in. I don't think I've ever seen someone at once so surprized, confused and grateful with a big side order of relieved.

Heh.
--
Close friendships and a private room can offer most of the things love does.

[ Parent ]
Sticking it to the man ... by Improbus (4.00 / 1) #22 Mon May 01, 2006 at 10:53:11 AM EST
and random acts of kindness.  You guys rock.  I think "buzz cut" needed an attitude adjustment of the baseball bat variety.  I truly loath people like that.



If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago. --- Oma Desala
[ Parent ]
fascist thuggery by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #25 Mon May 01, 2006 at 11:14:57 AM EST
There was a little-old lady in some small town around Sacramento that liked to do that. The local cops, pissed at lost ticket revenue, charged her with, essentially, illegally invading the privacy of the people with the expired meter. There was a public outcry and it was overturned.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
"abetting" by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #23 Mon May 01, 2006 at 11:03:32 AM EST
I'm not sure saying something on the order of "stop committing that crime because someone is calling the cops" would be considered "abetting".

In any case, if the cops showed up, they'd probably just tell the homeless guy "move along, sir" or somesuch, not particularly different from what you did. The last thing most cops want to do is deal with some homeless guy. Most would prefer it if he did vanish before they arrived and only particularly care if he returns if it means more calls for them.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

What crime, exactly, was he commiting? by debacle (2.00 / 0) #27 Mon May 01, 2006 at 12:26:48 PM EST
Opening doors?

Hopefully buzzcut was a racist. At least then there's some shallow excuse for being a fucking jackass.


IF YOU HAVE TWO FIRLES THOROWNF MONEY ART SUOCIDE GIRLS STRIPPER HPW CAN YPUS :OSE?!?!?!?(elcevisides).

ATM by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #28 Mon May 01, 2006 at 01:42:51 PM EST
Most places make it illegal to panhandle near to an ATM at least partly because some "panhandlers" blur the line between begging and mugging. You'd get cases of large, dangerous looking people waiting for a tourist to use the ATM and then saying "Hey! I need twenty bucks for a burger!" and then if the cops showed up, claiming to be just panhandling.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
However by debacle (2.00 / 0) #30 Mon May 01, 2006 at 02:04:46 PM EST
opening doors for people, accepting 'tips' or not, can't really be considered panhandling, can it?

IF YOU HAVE TWO FIRLES THOROWNF MONEY ART SUOCIDE GIRLS STRIPPER HPW CAN YPUS :OSE?!?!?!?(elcevisides).

[ Parent ]
I'm not a lawyer by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #32 Mon May 01, 2006 at 04:53:16 PM EST
I personally think what "Dee" was doing was fine.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
You should be a lawyer by debacle (2.00 / 0) #33 Mon May 01, 2006 at 04:59:02 PM EST
You have lawyer hair.

IF YOU HAVE TWO FIRLES THOROWNF MONEY ART SUOCIDE GIRLS STRIPPER HPW CAN YPUS :OSE?!?!?!?(elcevisides).

[ Parent ]
What's dry ash? <nt> by yankeehack (2.00 / 0) #29 Mon May 01, 2006 at 01:55:18 PM EST

"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB
Dry Skin. by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 1) #31 Mon May 01, 2006 at 03:33:07 PM EST
African Americans, especially in the deep South, refer to dry skin as "ash." This is due to the fact that on black skin, dry skin appears as a white, dusty look substance not unlike ash.

As an aside, my brother, as white a man as ever strode the Earth, is a bit of a hypochondriac. He had an amigo negro named Rick. One day Rick complained about having ash. Later that day my brother came home and claimed he too had ash. We asked him if he knew what it was, he, of course, did not. But he was certain he had it.

[ Parent ]
Good for you by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #34 Wed May 03, 2006 at 02:09:21 AM EST
Most people walk on

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It's political correctness gone mad!

Do Nothing | 34 comments (34 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback