Print Story rmg's laundry day
By nathan (Thu Apr 06, 2006 at 11:06:23 AM EST) rmg, gzt, friggin' intense, laundry day, vagina full of centipedes (all tags)
So I washed my jock today.

I usually do laundry once a month, whether I need it or not, but there are some things you just keep forgetting to launder. Suits are never to be washed of course, only brushed; formal shirts don't get worn every month; fine, whatever, then there's that skanky crap that somehow manages to hide in the back of my closet, behind the electric fan and the hanging organizer thing where I keep my socks.

Today, I strapped a flashlight to my head and, fiercely clutching a nine-iron, spelunked my way into the inner recesses of my closet. Strange chitterings and a high-pitched, strangled ululation broke out from the canopy high overhead as, brushing away a creeper, I arrived at a clearing. The moldering remains of my underwear lay in the center, defiled and torn by passing lemurs and macaques.

As I picked them up, I disturbed a huge centipede hiding within. It skittered a few feet away and, arching its back like a cobra, hissed evilly and resentfully at me, before undulating away into the underbrush.

I decided that the only way these things could be purified was through fire. Luckily, I happened to have an old bottle of 99% isopropyl on hand. A few minutes later, a jolly blue flame was flickering in my bathtub, and the blackening garment within was on the road to redemption. Meanwhile, the rest of my clothes were chugging away steadily in an utterly boringly bourgeois washing machine.

I wish I could burn all my clothes. I'm sure I'm not the only one. But that time may never come, and I will bear it stoically.

< This isn't finished | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
rmg's laundry day | 8 comments (8 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
dude by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #1 Thu Apr 06, 2006 at 11:12:47 AM EST
i just donate mine.
not as fun as fire, but it gets the job done.

how insensitive by nathan (2.00 / 0) #4 Thu Apr 06, 2006 at 12:06:12 PM EST
I suppose it doesn't bother you in the slightest that some homeless guy now has his matted dreadlocks infested with centipedes.

[ Parent ]
I hear by dmg (2.00 / 0) #5 Thu Apr 06, 2006 at 12:23:19 PM EST
some of those homeless guys can get quite hungry too...
dmg - HuSi's most dimwitted overprivileged user.
[ Parent ]
Burning your underwear by The Fool (2.00 / 0) #2 Thu Apr 06, 2006 at 11:18:47 AM EST
Is that some kind of men's liberation thing?

Yes, free your boys by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #3 Thu Apr 06, 2006 at 11:22:09 AM EST
and your mind will follow!

[ Parent ]
Free your boys by debacle (2.00 / 0) #8 Wed Apr 12, 2006 at 05:40:14 PM EST


[ Parent ]
+1 fp. by rmg (2.00 / 0) #6 Thu Apr 06, 2006 at 01:04:42 PM EST
a fine yarn. this is what doing laundry is all about.

[t]rolling retards conversation, period.
Vagina Dentata by Weapon of Pack Destruction (2.00 / 0) #7 Thu Apr 06, 2006 at 06:15:38 PM EST
Speaking of giant centipedes, I just watched parts of King Kong.  That scene in the crevasse (Freud stiffens and rolls over in his grave) really put a crimp in my libido.

rmg's laundry day | 8 comments (8 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback