Print Story ROONEY HAS BORKEN HIS METATARSAL!
Sport
By Rogerborg (Sat Apr 29, 2006 at 11:41:30 PM EST) (all tags)
Wait - what's a metatarsal?


And who's Rooney?


Poor Two Jags Slugger Shagger Prescott.  Why can't people leave him and his lovely wife Pauline alone to deal with this private matter in peace?

Oh, that's right - because he's the Deputy Prime Minister and was banging his Civil Service employed secretary on Government property during work hours.  Good job he's cultivated such a respectful and constructive relationship with the press over the years, or they might be inclined to put the boot in, eh?

Still, nice try.  I've been stealing office supplies, but it's OK, it's a private matter.  I crapped on my boss' desk, but it's a private matter.

Never mind him resigning, I want that slut billed for all the shagging she did on the clock.  Fucking culture of fucking victimhood.


I like how Charles Clarke has already put processes in place to ensure that Furrin bad 'uns are all sent home, and that he has to stay in office to sort the situation out.  Maybe he should also add that he's finally got his office looking just the way he wants it, and it would be a real gyp to have to move out now.  Or, in brief, "Fuck you, peons."

Say, can anyone explain to me why we're spending money gaoling Furriners rather than just sending them straight back to the hell holes that they sprung from in the first instance?  And then we wonder why UKIP and the British Nazi Party are gaining ground.  Well, we don't really wonder.

Hey, how's immigration working out for you USian chaps?  All going smoothly?  Integrating well?


How the hoopla did I miss Sarah Jane Honeywell's official site?  With a guestbook.

I'm not telling you what to do.  I think you all know what needs doing.  And who needs to be told that she needs doing.

I'm trying to hold it in for a bit, because she's on tour right now, and I'd like her to get a proper eyefull.

Update [2006-4-30 4:53:40 by Rogerborg]: Please use the form below for all business enquiries regarding Sarah-Jane Honeywell, including [...] Personal Appearances

Uh... is anyone thinking what I'm thinking? Well, you should feel thoroughly ashamed of yourselves.


Speaking of Sarah Janes, kudos to Elizabeth Sladen for holding her own against the current Who frippet.  Top episode, although blowing Evil Tony Head on a disposable character may have been ill advised.  He's got the presence to have made a good Master.

Er, </nerd>


If anyone's going to the shops, can they get me a bag of boobs, please?  Er, I meant crisps.  No, actually, boobs would be fine.

< Not Again.... | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
ROONEY HAS BORKEN HIS METATARSAL! | 39 comments (39 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
I'm sure by jump the ladder (4.00 / 1) #1 Sat Apr 29, 2006 at 11:53:52 PM EST
the Scots are in a despondent mood as the fellow country men further down south about Shrek getting injured.

That's worth a 4 for timeliness by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #2 Sat Apr 29, 2006 at 11:56:37 PM EST
Although I still have no idea who Wayne Rooney is, and I'd damn sure I'm not going to find out.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
I want to be John Prescott when I grow up [nt] by TheophileEscargot (4.00 / 1) #3 Sat Apr 29, 2006 at 11:59:42 PM EST

--
It is unlikely that the good of a snail should reside in its shell: so is it likely that the good of a man should?
More power to his fisting, says I by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #6 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 12:45:50 AM EST
It's only a shame that he's not really in the running to swipe the top job from under Brown.  Has Prescott got any sons?  I mean, that we know of.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Two by anonimouse (2.00 / 0) #39 Tue May 02, 2006 at 05:40:44 AM EST
But all growed up

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]
Rooney by yicky yacky (4.00 / 3) #4 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 12:19:50 AM EST

is Terry Nutkins' apprentice at Windsor Safari Park. A metatarsal is a type of pinniped which is native to the waters around Shetland. Metatarsals are important because excrete a kind of wonder-steroid which cannot be medically detected in the blood streams of footballers. Rooney, being none too bright, read the instructions on his ketchup bottle ('Break seal to open') and thus badly damaged England's chances of winning the world cup.


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
Excellent explanation! by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #5 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 12:40:06 AM EST
What's the world cup?

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
It's like by yicky yacky (4.00 / 2) #7 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 01:05:01 AM EST

the Superbowl, but with sport and world champions.


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
Sport? by Rogerborg (4.00 / 3) #8 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 01:09:05 AM EST
I'd got the impression that it was a competition for chaps who advertise hair products and aftershave.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Ah ... you're just confused by yicky yacky (4.00 / 2) #10 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 01:28:53 AM EST

Allow me to clarify: Sport is where chaps and chapesses who advertise hair products, aftershave, cars, phones etc. and who can't act do something else for the purposes of exposure. If you can act, it's "movies"; if you can't, it's "sport".


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
Still not quite clear by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #22 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 09:54:17 AM EST
Who is it that ostentatiously dates vacant bimbos with inflated chests; footballers or actors?

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
The superset: Advertisors of all hues and spectra, by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #25 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 10:11:29 AM EST

with the aforementioned bimbic, pneumatically-thorax-laden ones mostly excepted, although they may, in return, date actor-advertisors and sportsfolk-advertisors at their own discretion (and possibly that of Max Clifford and N million others, in addition ...).


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
something's wrong with that website by TPD (4.00 / 6) #9 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 01:23:09 AM EST
I can't find where to enter my credit card details and get get to the members section.

why sit, when you can sit and swivel with The Ab-SwivellerTM
I'll PM yuo later, Tony ... by Sarah Jane Honeywell (4.00 / 4) #11 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 01:57:23 AM EST


[ Parent ]
that's a luvverly thing to say by martingale (4.00 / 1) #12 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 02:00:20 AM EST
If it were me, hypothetically speaking, I'd like a reverse PM as well please.
--
$E(X_t|F_s) = X_s,\quad t > s$
[ Parent ]
SARAH-JANE PLUSH DOLL; by Rogerborg (4.00 / 3) #13 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 02:06:58 AM EST
A plushie of Sarah Jane by calla (4.00 / 5) #26 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 10:13:21 AM EST
would be appropriate since she really looks like a Muppet.




[ Parent ]
Farmgirl was most amused and approving by Rogerborg (4.00 / 6) #27 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 10:19:25 AM EST
I, on the other hand, am not speaking to you after this point ---->.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
"Release date" by Weapon of Pack Destruction (4.00 / 1) #31 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 11:04:48 AM EST
I'm spent.

[ Parent ]
Not quite a bag ... by me0w (4.00 / 1) #14 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 02:55:25 AM EST
But boobs nonetheless.


"the only reason we PMS is because our uterus is screaming at our brain to go out, get fucked, and have a baby ... and it makes us angry."

Secret Of Good Comedy by motty (4.00 / 1) #15 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 03:49:30 AM EST
Incredible timing, that Prescott story isn't it. Even you are talking about him before talking about that other minister who got caught shagging or whatever it was he did, you know, whatshisname.

I amd itn ecaptiaghle of drinking sthis d dar - Dr T
You wouldn't by yicky yacky (4.00 / 2) #16 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 04:10:34 AM EST

be alluding to Chuck Clarke's starring role in 'One thousand and twenty three of our Immigrant Prisoners are Dinosaurs is Missing', would you?

Because that story's been seriously underexposed, hasn't it?


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
Frankly it has by motty (4.00 / 1) #17 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 04:14:50 AM EST
As long as the guy is still in his post, there is plenty of room for further exposure.

One idea for a feature going round my head is 'Just How Badly Does A Politician Have To Fuck Up These Days For It To Be A Resigning Matter', or something, you know, more succinct.

If I edited a paper I'd consider banner headlines of 'Clarke Still Hasn't Resigned' every day until he did.

And, of course, there's also that other paragon of ministerial compentence going on at Health, but like everyone, I can only cope with two ministerial stories at once...

I amd itn ecaptiaghle of drinking sthis d dar - Dr T

[ Parent ]
Twaddle by yicky yacky (4.00 / 2) #18 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 04:31:29 AM EST

That story was on the front pages all week as well as the lead on Newsnight for three nights running. 'Two shags', on the other hand, was regarded a minor side show. Woolly left-wing moralizing and dietrologia is only potent to the extent which it is reserved for those times when it can be an effective rhetorical device. Deploying it in every incident going simply amplifies its dismissability on grounds of persistently repeated M.O. and conspiracy-theorist wackiness.

Besides: We all know that Clarke is still there because his crap-attraction skills haven't yet out-weighed the fact that he's one of the few dependable Blairites the Prime Minister has left.

Besides the IInd: When you examine the facts, this is a minor immigration story. Very few hackles are raised when British prisoners are released at the end of their sentences and proceed to offend again. Indeed, it's regarded as standard, if not 'best', practice.


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
Ok fair enough by motty (4.00 / 2) #20 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 06:02:35 AM EST
Points taken. But I really really really can't stand Clarke. Which probably goes without saying for anyone other than the down-the-line Blairites.

Although I agree that the facts around the prisoner thing are in the scheme of things pretty minor, the Prescott thing is surely a total and complete non-story on any meaningful level other than that it does distract attention. It was probably going to come out anyway eventually, of course, but I am still wondering about the timing of it.

Then again, there's been something to distract attention from almost constantly for a while now, so  I am probably talking bollocks again.

I amd itn ecaptiaghle of drinking sthis d dar - Dr T

[ Parent ]
There's something by yicky yacky (4.00 / 2) #21 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 06:50:49 AM EST

very off-putting about Clarke - and it's a similar thing to that which Hewitt exudes - which is a sense that they will say anything, do anything, blame anyone to do what they have been asked to do; that there's no personal conviction beyond self-advancement there at all.

If there is synchronicity in the timing, I'd wager that it's got more to do with the sense of unnecessary delay on the part of the media and others. There are stories in Westminster, common knowledge amongst journos, which the public know nothing about; it's to do with the complicated relationship - between complicity and antagonism - that the media and government have. When an administration has run out of steam, these stories have a tendency to come flooding out, as a.) the media seek to hasten the administration's demise (i.e. "create" the news) and b.) the necessity of keeping in the administration's good books lessens by the day.


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
integration? by MillMan (4.00 / 2) #19 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 04:51:09 AM EST
what is that? Someone has to pick those apples for 50 cents an hour.

Everybody still hates me in this city and I hate everybody.

Wha? by ammoniacal (4.00 / 2) #23 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 10:01:29 AM EST
The domestic PETS won't suffice?

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

Immigration by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #24 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 10:01:44 AM EST
Hey, how's immigration working out for you USian chaps? All going smoothly? Integrating well?

Pretty well, actually, though obviously not perfectly.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

No problems? No issues to report? by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #28 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 10:20:36 AM EST
No imminent mass activities on the home front?

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
"Problems" by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #29 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 10:42:57 AM EST
Why, do you expect riots and cars burning tomorrow?

Sure, there are problems...but overall, it's just not that bad. I don't know about where you live, but where I live, we elect immigrants governor.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

[ Parent ]
isn't your governor anti-immigration? by garlic (4.00 / 1) #32 Mon May 01, 2006 at 08:22:14 AM EST


[ Parent ]
You mean by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #33 Mon May 01, 2006 at 10:16:31 AM EST
The guy born in Austria?
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
You can be an immigrant by Cloaked User (4.00 / 1) #34 Mon May 01, 2006 at 11:01:05 AM EST
And still be anti-immigration; a sort of "Ok, that's enough - the country's full now that I've made it in" attitude.

No idea if that's the attidue your guy has, but it is possible.


--
This is not a psychotic episode. It is a cleansing moment of clarity.

[ Parent ]
Yeah, there's lots like that. by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #35 Mon May 01, 2006 at 11:05:36 AM EST
It wasn't my point, in any case. My point is that the electorate in my state elected an immigrant.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
Fair enough by Cloaked User (2.00 / 0) #36 Mon May 01, 2006 at 01:06:12 PM EST
Although again, you can be anti-immigrants and elect someone with an anti-immigration stance despite their being an immigrant. At the risk of self-Godwining, Hitler wasn't exactly Aryan, despite his beliefs.

Anyway, I'm getting so far off topic I can barely remember what it looked like.


--
This is not a psychotic episode. It is a cleansing moment of clarity.

[ Parent ]
I know by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #38 Mon May 01, 2006 at 01:36:06 PM EST
What often gets lost overseas I think is that the issue in the US is illegal vs. legal and that the anti-immigrant side is a minority of the anti-illegal immigrant side. In general, it's far more complex over here than it is in, say, Great Britain. Also the interface between race and immigrant status is quite confused here. Whereas in most European countries are run by native peoples, in the US, everyone is an immigrant of a sort and we're all raised on the mythography of Ellis Island. That, when it butts against racism towards certain groups (mainly hispanics), some of whom have been here for generations, makes it confused as while lots of people have the sort of vague uneasiness about immigrants changing their cultural, they've also got the whole melting pot ingrained into them in since childhood.

The truth is, for some on the right (though by no means all) "immigrant" and "illegal immigrant" are code-words for hispanic. Rarely, for instance, do they use their rhetoric to target asians, for instance. And, in truth, that's also what these marches are about. Despite the fact that a large percentage of recent immigrants here are asian or arab, the marchers are mostly hispanic. It's about the odd relationship between Mexico and the US. Whereas in Europe, it's the Muslim countries that are the main source of cheap labor, here it's Mexico and other hispanic countries. The one advantage here is that Mexicans have no particular reputation for blowing shit up. The other advantage is that some parts of the US used to be Mexico, so there are cultural roots that go back centuries.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

[ Parent ]
OMG by hulver (4.00 / 1) #30 Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 10:48:35 AM EST
I've just been rumbled. J found me looking at that site.

Still, I love the default apache configuration, the one that lets you look through the "images" directory without all that tedious clicking the next button.


--
Cheese is not a hat. - clock

You really should buy a Personal Appearance by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #37 Mon May 01, 2006 at 01:27:23 PM EST
from the Beer and Hookers fund. The poor girl needs the money; look, she can't even afford clothes that fit properly.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
ROONEY HAS BORKEN HIS METATARSAL! | 39 comments (39 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback