Print Story Rogerborg's CFC entry
Sex
By Rogerborg (Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 02:39:35 AM EST) CFC, British Made Motor Vehicle, Reader's Wives Husbands (all tags)
Well, an annotated photostory.  I could have applied one of those hippy filters to it, but it turns out that I was just so smoking hot that I couldn't bear to.

I know there are probably rules and such, but I'm thinking that it's more like one of those "Before I was dull" novellas that CBB or his dupe accounts churn out, only with pictures.  You get to fill in the backstory yourselves.



Thinking about it, 256 is kind of a fascist, so will probably delete my entry, so you get it X POSTED here.  It's too late to look away.

Sex on a stick shift

Sex on a stick shift

Now that's what I call a British Made Motor Vehicle.

Incidentally, if any of you chaps or chaps-in-frocks ever need advice with fixing, deconstructing or reconstructing a motor vehicle, or you, you know, being heterosexual, then fill in a form and take a seat.

< ATTENTION KELLNERIN INFIDEL | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
Rogerborg's CFC entry | 51 comments (51 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Nitpick by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 1) #1 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 02:44:19 AM EST
A pimped out ride for Santa would be a low-rider reindeer, not a Jeep wannabe.

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Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline
A WHAT now? by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #2 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 02:48:34 AM EST
I will just try to pretend that you didn't imply that I'd make a replica of some tawdry Colonial agricultural jalopy.  Let us see if anyone with a residue of culture can identify the vehicle type.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Don't worry by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 1) #5 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 02:57:07 AM EST
You didn't make a Jeep replica--you made a Jeep wannabe.

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Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline
[ Parent ]
Well played by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #7 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 03:01:29 AM EST
One subtle difference is that a jeep has the ground clearance to drive over one of these.  I once had to summon a team of bearers to portage it over a pothole.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Well by Vulch (4.00 / 1) #8 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 03:07:14 AM EST

It's probably got a Seven in the name, and one of the originals was driven by a Six?

[ Parent ]
Obsessed with numbers, you are. by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #14 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 03:38:54 AM EST
A free man, should you be.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Sometimes you are forced to do something... by Vulch (4.00 / 1) #39 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 06:00:10 AM EST

Where am Mee-sa?
In Village you are.
What you-sa want?
Information want we.
Whose side you-sa on?
Telling that would be. Information want we... information... information.
You-sa won't get it.
Hook or crook by, will we.
Who you-sa?
New Number 2 am I.
Who Numb-a 1?
Number 6 you are.
Mee-sa no numb-a, Mee-sa free man.

...Even though maybe you shouldn't.

[ Parent ]
Wait! Wait! I know! by ObviousTroll (4.00 / 1) #26 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 04:44:25 AM EST
A bumper car from a carnival?

A go-kart?

Wait! Wait! Don't tell me!

Ummm....

One of those "Mini Coppers" I've heard so much about?

--
You're no good to me dead. Even half-alive would be socially awkward. - Hugh MacLeod

[ Parent ]
Dude, you've ridden in lots of those things. by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #28 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 04:50:04 AM EST
It's obviously a clown car.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Not enough trunk space. by ObviousTroll (4.00 / 1) #29 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 04:51:45 AM EST
You have to have someplace to stash the other 9 clowns...

--
You're no good to me dead. Even half-alive would be socially awkward. - Hugh MacLeod
[ Parent ]
Seriously? by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #31 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 04:52:19 AM EST
I ruled out it being a Seven because it looks nothing like one.

[ Parent ]
T&J Locust by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #36 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 05:13:45 AM EST
as was.  T&J vanished partway during the build, so some of it was completed in an ad hoc fashion.  What can I say, I like big rear ends.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Fair enough. by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #40 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 06:37:38 AM EST
And made out of best plywood, too.

That's inspiring. I'm not sure if it's inspiring enough to make me go and change the hydraulic fluid in my car right now, like what my plan for the day said, but it's inspiring.

[ Parent ]
Bah! by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #42 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 07:01:00 AM EST
We used jeeps to save your ass in WWII.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
Cool! by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #44 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 07:57:24 AM EST
You were in the Red Army?

[ Parent ]
The steering wheel is on by johnny (4.00 / 1) #3 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 02:48:38 AM EST
the wrong side.  Also the muffler seems to be misplaced. Other than that I would say the ride is finely pimped.  Can you give an update on the fillies situation. After all, this is an empirical investigation is it not? That was the point, to pull in more fillies?

Also, I may again this year attend some science fiction convetions.  Or "Cons" as we "Fen" like to call them. I think this ride would help me make a fine impression.  So, can I borrow it?  If so, you can UPS it to me in small parts with clear instructions for reassembly.

She has effectively checked out. She's an un-person of her own making. So it falls to me.--ad hoc (in the hole)

Also no hubcaps by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 1) #4 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 02:52:31 AM EST
Fillies dig hubcaps.

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Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline
[ Parent ]
An ironic choice of words, my man. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #12 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 03:27:06 AM EST
I'll speak no more of this insider information.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
Did she tell you about the Swarfega Incident? by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #15 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 03:39:44 AM EST
If not, forget I mentioned it.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Is this related to the stutterer on Espeak? by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #17 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 03:53:23 AM EST
Man, I have a love/hate relationship with Wikipaedia.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
Not that I KNOW of by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #20 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 04:12:22 AM EST
Unless he's a lumberjack.  Did she tell you about that little adventure?

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
The whattler? Speak English, man. by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #6 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 02:58:18 AM EST
Tragedy on the fillies situation!  By the time that the ride had been fully pimped, the target herd of blondes had been ousted by the current alpha female, and her territory had been firmly marked.

Consequently, I am no longer in possession of the said ride, and there were never clear instructions for assembling it anyway.  I suggest that you start with an elderly donor vehicle, strip it down unto its smallest components, then obtain (precisely) one pile of marine ply, angle iron, steel tube, aluminium (be careful if you substitute the inferior aluminum), weld, glue and screw into a block, and then saw and grind away anything that doesn't look like a classic British motor vehicle.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

[ Parent ]
that's not a classic by martingale (2.00 / 0) #16 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 03:44:08 AM EST
British motor vehicle! It's missing the proper paintjob. Everyone knows that you can recognize the true British motor vehicles by their distinctive red, white and blue paintjob. No other country in the world uses those particular colours in its flag.
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$E(X_t|F_s) = X_s,\quad t > s$
[ Parent ]
I think it's hilarious by blixco (4.00 / 1) #9 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 03:10:47 AM EST
but only because I know what sort of car the mid-life guy is driving.

Is there still a thriving underground making their own cheap sports cars in the UK?
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Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco

There is indeed by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #13 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 03:36:50 AM EST
We meet in darkened alleyways and exchange information on how to avoid those bloody Yerpians and their interminable rules about "safety" and "roadworthiness".

Incidentally, what I find hilarious is people who jaw about cars in a knowledgable fashion based on having changed the oil and plugs a couple of times.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

[ Parent ]
A friend of mine by blixco (4.00 / 1) #22 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 04:23:29 AM EST
who worked on cars used to say: you don't know cars until you've made one.

I've never made one, but that low-priced sports car thing always appealed to me.  I got a copy of that book when I was a kid, and I was amazed that people actually made their own cars.

One of these days before oil runs out, I want to make a copy of any late 60's Can Am racer.
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Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco

[ Parent ]
You know what would be sweet? by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #23 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 04:31:35 AM EST
A Lola-Chevrolet with electric motors.  Sick sweet.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Hell yes. by blixco (4.00 / 1) #25 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 04:38:50 AM EST
Maybe two small motors on each front wheel (100 or so HP) with one stonking huge one (250 or so HP) for the back wheels, sort of like what Honda wanted to do with the next Acura supercar.

Hell yeah.  A four-wheel drive 450hp electric Lola T42.
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Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco

[ Parent ]
electric motors by garlic (4.00 / 1) #47 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 08:19:16 AM EST
have their highest torque at 0 RPM, but have a pretty flat RPM/torque map.


[ Parent ]
Indeed. by blixco (4.00 / 1) #49 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 08:47:38 AM EST
That T42 would fly off the line.  FLY.
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Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
[ Parent ]
Dude. You have no idea. by ObviousTroll (4.00 / 1) #32 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 05:00:47 AM EST
Reality has already passed your trollish comment by.

You haven't lived till you've seen some joker burn rubber in an electric car.

--
You're no good to me dead. Even half-alive would be socially awkward. - Hugh MacLeod

[ Parent ]
I meant wheelchair motors by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #34 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 05:08:35 AM EST
Shhh, don't tell blixco, he's in his Happy Place.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Alternative title: by nebbish (4.00 / 2) #10 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 03:17:27 AM EST
"The Three Ages of Rogerborg"

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It's political correctness gone mad!

CORRECTION: There *were* rules by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #11 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 03:19:41 AM EST

But they didn't survive the first twenty-four hours. I think there are only three technically-legal entries, actually, which isn't even a quorum.


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
Kit cars by Herring (4.00 / 1) #18 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 03:57:01 AM EST
Quite tempted. I suspect that my brief ownership on a Triumph spitefire gave me a good grounding in taking apart and putting back together that sort of thing (rule of thumb with old Triumphs - buy 6 then you've probably got enough parts for one good one).

The question is, is my garage big enough to build a 7 replica in?

christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky

Splendid grounding by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #19 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 04:10:11 AM EST
The rear springs on that beast are Spitfire, over Dolomite shocks (or vice versa).  In fact, the kit was designed for entirely Triumph donors; I got a Fordified version, which it turned out that they hadn't actually, you know, built themselves yet, so it came with instructions for the Triumph version.  And then the company went bust.  Still, mend and make do.  And cut and weld and hammer the crap out of it until it fits.

The rear axle from the donor will be the widest point on the car, so if you can fit that in your garage, you're sorted.

I'd suggest getting a kit that's as close to single-donor as possible, and it really is worth paying as much as you can afford to get it in a semi-completed state, unless your goal is actually to learn basic fabrication and bodging skills yourself.  Which I have.  So come the Apocalypse...

Alternatively, just buy one that some other poor dumb bastard has put together.  Don't worry, it'll fall apart enough to give you the frisson that comes from going manno-a-auto.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

[ Parent ]
Axle + PIMP WHEELS, I mean by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #21 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 04:22:01 AM EST
The Robin Hood Project 2B looks pretty comprehensive and reasonably priced, if you can find a still running Sierra donor.  If you're serious, get in touch with some owners' clubs and ask for their advice though.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Triumph spitefire by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #24 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 04:35:03 AM EST
A friend of mine has one of those. Serious babe magnet, but can't go out in the rain. Apparently the Britich, oddly enough, don't know how to make convertible tops that actually keep out the rain.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
We do know how by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #27 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 04:48:26 AM EST
We just choose not to.  You wouldn't understand.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Have you figured out automotive electronics yet? by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #30 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 04:52:07 AM EST
And what about that bit with gaskets and seals actually keeping the oil inside the engine?

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Tip by Herring (4.00 / 1) #43 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 07:33:14 AM EST
Providing you keep above about 40mph, less rain comes in with the top down.

christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky
[ Parent ]
I think he's as worried about rust. by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #48 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 08:25:02 AM EST


Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
I don't get it by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 2) #33 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 05:04:09 AM EST
Can you please explain this nonsense to me?

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

It's like this by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #35 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 05:13:17 AM EST
Back in 19-dickety-6, buggy whip manufacturers were put out of business by a new invention; the Patent Clockwork Horse Gadder.  But that's as maybe.  This diary is about stuff that happened to me back in my follacious[1] youth.

If it helps to give you a handle, I ate a lot of sandwiches while building it.  I don't remember what sort.

[1] Both, before you ask.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

[ Parent ]
So.. like.. by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #37 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 05:28:00 AM EST
The ugly french car is really just a symbol of the inner soul of the naive youth and the golf cart is used to show how our spirit is modified by The Man with his constant tearing down of our spirit and the welder is actually supposed to be the transition period from when we're young to when we're beaten down by the man and forced to sell our house because they're building an airplane factory in our backyard?

Yes, yes, very nice.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

[ Parent ]
If you like by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #38 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 05:50:17 AM EST
It was really all about the fillies though.  We don't all have slick bachelor pads to impress them with.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
the best ladymobiles by codemonkey uk (4.00 / 1) #41 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 06:48:20 AM EST
Are automatic Mrk II Jags. Yiu know. The ones with the bench-seats up front.

Wink whink.

Well, Stickshifts and Safetybelts, bucket seats have all got to go
When we’re driving in the car, it makes my baby seem so far
I need you here with me not way over in a bucket seat
I need you to be here with me not way over in a bucket seat


--- Thad ---
Almost as Smart As you.
[ Parent ]
Bench seats up front? by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #45 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 07:58:02 AM EST
Like a Fiat Multipla?

[ Parent ]
So you captured the heart of Farmgirl, by calla (4.00 / 2) #46 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 08:18:14 AM EST
with the little car thing.

I bet it wasn't the car thing. More likely your fantastic wit and ginger hair.


I was aiming for her blonde housemate by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #50 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 10:39:51 AM EST
But I think I pulled a Cheney.  You'll need to ask her for the details, but I think a lot of our entanglement was due to me feeding her scraps, like a stray cat.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
I don't believe you. by calla (4.00 / 2) #51 Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 11:27:47 AM EST
The blonde amazon has nothing on Farmgirl.


[ Parent ]
Rogerborg's CFC entry | 51 comments (51 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback