Print Story A Day in the Life
By ReallyEvilCanine (Wed Apr 19, 2006 at 11:34:27 PM EST) A Day in the Life, cubicle, fucktards, Citrix, LOL What, WTF, pie (all tags)
"Unsupported" doesn't mean "except for you".

cust: We're having problems with YourBigApp on Citrix.
me: I'm not surprised. Citrix is unsupported.
cust: Yeah, we know it's not supported. But anyway, we set up YourBigApp on Citrix...

x-posted from Blogspot

me: But we don't support Citrix. It won't work.
cust: Fine. Let me finish. So we set it up on Citrix and it mostly works, but there's $Problem1 and $Problem2
me: I know. Those are the reasons Citrix is unsupported.
cust: But we need a solution to $Problem1 and $Problem2.
me: Talk to Citrix.
cust: But Citrix works. It's YourBigApp that doesn't.
me: Does OurBigApp work in a non-Citrix environment?
cust: Yeah, but it doesn't work on Citrix.
me: Exactly. Our app works.
cust: But not on Citrix
me: So talk to Citrix.
cust: But Citrix works! And Citrix says all apps work on Citrix.
me: So ask Citrix why OurBigApp doesn't work.
cust: We did. They said to talk to you.
me: Citrix is unsupported.
cust: But you HAVE to support it. We did all our development based on using it.
me: Did you search through the knowledge base on "Citrix AND OurBigApp"? cust: Umm... yeah?
me: No. Because if you had you would have seen $doc1 and $doc2 and PublicTickets 1, 2 and 3, all of which I wrote which explain why Citrix won't work. Our search was tweaked to ensure these documents always come up as the most relevant whenever a search includes "Citrix".
cust: But, but, but... but we NEED it to work on Citrix.
me: So tell Citrix.
cust: But it's YourBigApp
me: Yes, it's OurBigApp which works fine without Citrix, that we explain won't work on Citrix, that we explain why it won't work on Citrix (because they lied to us during development), and that Citrix will have to support if they claim it'll work on their system.
cust: But, but, but, but ...
me: Ticket closed. Root cause: Customer. Reason Code: 12-Unsupported Environment. HAND.

You know this should be a 17.

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A Day in the Life | 13 comments (13 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
It's a pretty story by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #1 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 12:44:43 AM EST
But seriously, at what point did you actually punt it to your lawyers?

Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
Short summary of this by jump the ladder (4.00 / 1) #2 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 12:47:18 AM EST
RTFM n00b...

That attitude by cam (4.00 / 1) #7 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 03:38:10 AM EST
is why Linux will never replace Windows.

Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

[ Parent ]
Tech support among the OSen by DesiredUsername (2.00 / 0) #8 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 03:43:58 AM EST
Linux: Will give you technically correct, but impenetrable, answer or mock you until you search for same yourself.

Windows: In the unlikely case of the answer being correct, will contain the word "upgrade" or the phrase "doesn't adhere to the standard". A more usual answer will contain the word "registry" and be incorrect, causing your computer to crash twice as often as usual.

MacOS: Remove mouse buttons until complaints cease.

Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline

[ Parent ]
"So tell Citrix" by DesiredUsername (2.00 / 0) #3 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 02:27:58 AM EST
While this might be the actual solution, a better way to get them off your back would be to say "If we could make it work on Citrix, it would already work on Citrix--there's nothing we can do."

Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline
Sounds to me like they're not trying. by hulver (2.00 / 0) #4 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 02:50:05 AM EST
They need better developers.
Cheese is not a hat. - clock
[ Parent ]
jtl nailed it by BadDoggie (2.00 / 0) #5 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 03:01:25 AM EST
In the docs I wrote (the ones these morons never actually read) I actually specified what didn't work in Citrix, why it didn't, and why it Couldn't. Work. EVAR.

Considering that our apps since the 2001 major release have never worked on Citrix and only three months ago did Citrix manage to get our newest minor release version running, I've written way too many words on the subject.

To make things worse, Citrix made a big deal of working with our app -- going so far as to call it a "$BigCorp-verified solution" -- without, of course, going into the details of how much they had to do to get the system up. This led to even more fucktards insisting that we supported it (we don't, Citrix does) and demanding to know why they couldn't make their system work. "Verified"!="supported".

I have a few more upcoming entries thanks to Citrix and their dim-witted customers.


OMG WE'RE FUCKED! -- duxup ?

[ Parent ]
Doesn't matter by Bob Abooey (4.00 / 2) #12 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:48:16 AM EST
Some people hear what they want to hear.

The type of person who would install an app with the plan on using it with citrix without first checking to see if it's supported is the type of person who won't listen to what anyone says. They're also the type who will go around and bag on how bad the support is for that company.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

[ Parent ]
Déjà vu by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #6 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 03:23:40 AM EST

Excuser moi, monsieur, mais 'aven't ah seen you somewhere before ??

Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
Oops by ReallyEvilCanine (4.00 / 1) #9 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 03:48:34 AM EST
You're right. I had that and a few other ADitL stories on k5 as REC but since REC was terminated with extreme prejudice for calling out Spamford, attempts to find out which stories were posted failed. It's still a good one and it's the first time it's running at bogspot -- I'm just copying those entries here.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
I'm not against it by yicky yacky (2.00 / 0) #10 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:04:27 AM EST

and it sums up a scenario most of us (on one side of the fence or the other) have been familiar with at some point. I was actually cyberstalking and typed "doesn't work on citrix" into google; it was the third or fourth hit. ;)

Spamford ... don't really know what to make of him, and have had a pop at him in the past myself (though was never banned for it). He's capable of both good stuff and bad, and sometimes the line between his actions and Cheesy's is very thin indeed, except there's a tendency not to (want to) notice with Cheesy because he does it with more guile, wit, creativity and charm. I guess he's (MC) just like a particularly naive child who will keep going until they hit an obvious threshold and the "community" pegs them back.

Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
Husi 2035 by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #11 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:23:33 AM EST
I have visions of Husi in 30 years...all the stories repeats...except for Bob Abooey's senile hammy sammy ramblings.
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
But it is only problem 1 and 2 and . . .. by duxup (2.00 / 0) #13 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 05:28:19 AM EST
I get that a lot.  For whatever reason the customer seems to feel that just because they’re just encountering a couple small issues that they can somehow get it to work.

My favorite are the customers who come in with that attitude, and haven’t even tried to do what they really want to do yet.   Just setting up they hit two or three issues, why on earth they thing that is the only problem they’ll ever hit is beyond me.

dux: Now when you try to run all this stuff together it is probably going to get really ugly.

cust: Wow really?  I guess that’s why it is unsupported.

dux: Yep.

Hope springs eternal but even so it is weird how some pessimistic customers who complain about every little thing will set themselves up for huge issues like that . . . wtf are they thinking?

A Day in the Life | 13 comments (13 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback