Print Story Yoga and my normal sick head
Diary
By sobeinom (Wed Apr 19, 2006 at 08:38:56 PM EST) Obsession, yoga, ass, eyes (all tags)
Normal day for a sick mind, yoga class and other comments about my obsessions.


Yoga
Okay, I'll start with what’s fresh on my mind.  Yoga class - Been going weekly for like 6 weeks now, only difference friend wasn’t there today.  The instructor is a nice female, well nice and firm like you would expect one to be.  Last week in class had only naughty thoughts going through my head, when we were doing dog stands.  Was front row and nice view of her back!  So you can imagine what was going through this naughty boys mind.

Alright back to today at hand, sat front and was disappoint that no one else sat near me so when I got confused I couldn’t check on others to see what I'm missing.  As well my friend not present, she focused her attention on me pointed out all my fails by name instead. She didn’t do too many examples so didn’t see the doggy position this time, :-(  But something strange did happen, where you lie on your back and raise one leg, pull it back with a rope and try to keep it straight.  So she goes around fixing positions so on, comes to mine and pushes my leg higher from the thigh and feels me up all the way to my toes.(Opinions Hulvers?)  First I thought it was to check if my muscles were tense but not sure anymore.  A note to self to see if she does this to others, previously when she fixed this position for me this didn’t happen.

Okay another observation was her age, when I started she claimed to have been doing yoga since her early twenties.  Today though she said she's been doing it for 23 years.  Simple estimations and adding that would make her in the mid 40s!!!!  I've even had long discussions about this subject with my friend, and our previous estimates were late 30s. 

I've always had a thing for older women when I was younger; it was easier back then since age gap in girls in 20s was fine. Now, since I'm in the 20s looking at fit 30/40 year olds is getting harder to find.  And becoming more disturbing when I think about it. As it happens I’m also reading “A widow for a year” by John Irving finally found a book I’m enjoying reading.  Basically a 16 year old fucking a 39 year old, what more could I want.

So I should probably focus on nice girls my age.  Like the nice cashier/front assistant girl at the yoga place.  She always goes through the same routine of telling me that she'll remember my name next time. (In my head “I’ll ask for her name as-well”) I go through the same routine of just smiling and answering with single words.  I'm really bad when it comes to small/friendly conversations.  Anyway she goes on telling me she's hyper today, instead of her normal mellow self because she had a smoothy from starbucks.  I tell her that’s nice and I don’t drink coffin.  She freaks out and tells me she doesn’t either, it’s like green tea just full of sugar.  After that I just wait to get my card, since our normal routine has been, she forgets to give it, and I go without it.  Come back and ask for it, but stayed until I received it.  Leaving she added hyperly “have a nice time”.  I like crazy but not hyper girls, but she's cute and has smile lips which I find attractive.  And of course nice eyes the most important quality to me in a girl.



Apology
I realized I might have gone overboard with promising a 10 page apology letter, and a song.  I still have full intent of doing so, but its turning out harder than I first expected.  This is making it even more difficult with the fact I really don’t know the person and that the apology stems from just two or three comments.  I’ll post at the end, the attempt at the song which turned out more of a speech.



Current Obsession
Moving on with my obsession, it’s not as strong as at first.  I’ve gone through couple nights now without her being in them, and none of them were sexual in nature to being with. As a result I’m not reaching the pervious natural highs from the brains release of dopamine and norepinephrines throughout the day. Had some nice spontaneous emotional highs for no good reason. Which is good since I can focus on other things, but bad since I don’t have the pleasure.  Previously I could make the feelings last like several months but I guess lack of contact is underminding the effect.



Alright I’m realizing this is becoming longer than first expected, so cutting it off now.
I hate reading long diaries and I assume you guys do too as-well.


Bad attempt at a song

Things have been said,  things have been done,
I feel only misery in the day, in the night, in my soul.
Regrets for the spoken words, for the actions
Regrets, regrets that I cant mend anymore

I keep saying sorry, sorry without a single reply.
I know I’ve been a jerk, and that’s no lie.
I’ve cheated, lied, made you only cry
Forgotten the obsession that lead you into my life
The smile, the colour of your eyes, happiness you gave.

I turned my back you, I see the many mistakes
Now my life has become sick, too sick to life
Is it from the pain or is it from the birds
Birds fly here and now, finally away
Is it similar to when you said, the last good bye
Nothing more exists for avian flu has taken it all away
I keep saying sorry, sorry without a single reply.

Things have been said, things have been done,
Your face once kept me sane, contempt, and a life
Now I try to drink the sorrow away, but the knife in my hand is the only way
This life has lost all meaning, no more pleasures remain 
That is what you wanted, wanted me to understand
the same agony, pain, tears, you once tried to convey
Understand, yes I do, just a little too late
I keep saying sorry, sorry without a single reply.

You aren’t around anymore but always remain,
in dreams, in thoughts,  in my existence
in dreams your eyes once burned for me.
but now only stare emotionless as they have become
no more flames of passion, love, faith that we shared
for the pupils are white and no more colours remain   
regrets for the spoken words, for the actions
regrets, regrets that I cant mend anymore

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Yoga and my normal sick head | 6 comments (6 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Serious MILFlet alert for sure... by randomxs (4.00 / 1) #1 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 02:58:20 AM EST
um...just go for it. Worse that can happen is that you get tied up into a pretzel.

"When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him." - Thomas Szasz
There's that Perfect Circle tune by blixco (4.00 / 1) #2 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 03:50:47 AM EST
called "The Nurse Who Loved Me."  There's a line in it: "she acts just like a nurse with all the other guys."

The Yoga instructor?  She's just a Yoga instructor.

That you read so much into that physical contact is really just a sad statement on our society.  If we had more interpersonal contact, more intimate yet casual interaction, we'd be a hell of a lot less fucked up.
---------------------------------
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco

fine by sobeinom (4.00 / 1) #3 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 06:15:07 AM EST
Shit man, I listened to that song countless times and never realized it was just his imagination.  More disturbing I listened to that song with my last obsession.

One thing isnt in my imagination is that this instructor spends alot more time correcting the males than females though.  Confirmed it with a friend, and two other girls who went to classes.  But I'll go with that man are more stiff and need more help at least.

I agree with the imtimate part aswell "more intimate yet casual interaction" back in my home country in eastern europe, there is alot more physical contact when expressing feelings.  And I dont remember myself second guessing the prevalance of them.

  • "As for the above statement, I'll ignore it just for my well being."
    [ Parent ]
  • In fact by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #5 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 07:20:42 AM EST
    It's considered a serious ethical breach for a yoga instructor to date a student.
    ---
    [ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
    [ Parent ]
    What she was doing by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #4 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 07:17:38 AM EST
    ...comes to mine and pushes my leg higher from the thigh and feels me up all the way to my toes...

    Don't read anything into it. She was coaxing you to extend your leg in that direction.
    ---
    [ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

    sign by sobeinom (2.00 / 0) #6 Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 07:22:00 AM EST
    I agree, just I like having an active imagination makes my day more fun.

  • "As for the above statement, I'll ignore it just for my well being."
    [ Parent ]
  • Yoga and my normal sick head | 6 comments (6 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback