Print Story Paranoia Blues
Working life
By rafael (Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 02:07:45 PM EST) (all tags)
I love $PROJECT_MANAGER. I love the fact that when i'm ranting about how a final ship deadline of today isn't possible when QA had a list of 100 stop ship bugs last Friday and more bugs have come in since then, he says "well, lets pretend those new bugs don't exist." He provides hours of comic relief, fun for the whole family.

I'm still waiting. My heart beats with fear and excitement and worry every time I open the snailmailbox or check my email. ($BOLT_SCHOOL apparently reports acceptances by e-mail, a behavior I find odd). I've learned that wallowing in it and looking for compatriots who share the feeling doesn't help, which encourages me to do less of it, but the flurries of worry waft through my soul nonetheless.

Meanwhile, today was supposed to be the final release candidate for our software. We failed to meet the deadline. We might be able to meet next week's deadline; it depends on many things. My bug list is down to around ten. I was here until 10.30 or so last night trying to fix one of them, a complex nasty problem that requires I rearrange the order of messages $PRINTER is giving me before I pass them on to $STATUS_REPORTER, something I should probably have known two months ago. The concept was simple, the fix was easy, but a minor niggling detail I missed caused me to spend four hours wondering why I kept locking the debugger.

Well, that and Visual Studio being a piece of crap. How do people use it?

In other news .... Monday I got my annual performance review.

I was terrified. I mean, I started this job trying to do the job of two people, on a new code base with nonexistent training. I got overwhelmed. I failed utterly and they split the job into two jobs (the right move) about the time we missed our alpha date. Since then my stuff has been more or less under control, but the project is still behind schedule. Way behind schedule. Barely staying afloat, in fact. At the end of the day it's my fault for not seeing that i was overwhelmed sooner, and/or not digging myself out from it. And, despite the fact that I shouldn't care overmuch, seeing as I'm busy on the law school quest, I do care.

My review was generally good; in most areas I exceed expectations, according to the HR-approved worksheet, and in every area I at least meet them.

So what are the expectations? And why are my expectations so wildly out of line with reality?

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It'll all be okay by Forbidden (2.00 / 0) #1 Wed Mar 08, 2006 at 02:39:36 PM EST
Sit back, relax, listen to some music.

I am confident that you will succeed.

You once was.
ay caramba! by clover kicker (2.00 / 0) #2 Thu Mar 09, 2006 at 08:13:42 AM EST
> Law School I'll here from first


Geez, maybe I should apply to law school.

Paranoia Blues | 2 comments (2 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback