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Family
By CheeseburgerBrown (Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 07:16:06 AM EST) (all tags)
Amazing taste-test challenge!


Candidate #1

I know this guy whose engine of rationalization was taxed when he had to face the fact that better men than he were picking up his slack, in service of his kin where he was absent. He was unsettled by the spectre of his own inattention, and responded to a cry for help as if it were his habit. (No doubt a habit of intention, but not one of action.)

The only blue point is that the lesson has only been learned for today: like a goldfish it only takes ten days to unlearn new tricks. (Forgive the cynicism but we've sat through this one-act play before.)
International Fathering Index Score: C+
* Subject verbalizes interest in ameliorating his behaviour, attempts to make good when prompted. Basic wilful obliviousness still an issue.

Candidate #2

I know this guy whose hard-won retirement fantasies have been multiply delayed by his commitment to look after his kin, both by blood and integrated via life, and despite this he seldom stops smiling. His best colours shine brightest when he is helping to negotiate a crisis -- his or somebody else's -- with patience, reason and candor. (The more people you care about the more crises their are to field.)

He is the sort of fellow who makes doing the right thing seem easy, and the most natural thing in the world. (Forgive the fat laurels: I didn't afford him enough of them when I was a kid.)
International Fathering Index Score: A+
* The only real point of criticism is that he may set the bar too high.

Candidate #3

I know this guy who asked his son for advice, and when his son gave advice that was candid and constructive instead of flattering and empty the guy decided it was worth disowning his son over, so badly burned the disrespect of having his loaded questions answered honestly. (Like wishes, the truth should be requested only after due consideration.)

The only golden point is that maybe the son will learn not to let the father's judgements weigh him down, because those judgements are so apparently baseless, reactionary, defensive and small. (Forgive my vinegar: I've tangled with the old man, too.)
International Fathering Index Score: F
* Subject's ability to evaluate emotional situations has been hopelessly warped by his own childhood trauma, exacerbated by cerebral injury in late adulthood. Pervasive paranoia and strong feelings of persecution sabotage most attempts to surmount egocentricism.

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Three Pops | 21 comments (21 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
As I read this, by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #1 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 07:24:07 AM EST
I was already enjoying some Beurre d'Arachide.

It seems pop number 3 is a touch lucky that his son is such a great bloke. And his daughter and son in law, too.

I think I missed the taste test part by lm (4.00 / 1) #2 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 08:04:11 AM EST
Which pop was sweeter and which was more stringy?

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
Stringy Pop? by CheeseburgerBrown (2.00 / 0) #12 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 03:07:45 PM EST
Well, I will help you out . . . by slozo (2.00 / 0) #16 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 05:32:00 PM EST
. . .Pop #3: stringy when younger, now bitter (I know this one well). Pop #2: sweet and juicy (have tasted it a little). pop#3: a little sour, and very juicy (from what I've heard).



[ Parent ]
You can't grade fatherhood! by Rogerborg (4.00 / 8) #3 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 08:40:39 AM EST
Unless it's by the number of swords bought for male offspring, and I suppose ponies or toy ovens or whatever it is that girls like.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
The International Fatherhood Institute Is Real! by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 2) #4 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 08:43:18 AM EST
Probably too busy by Herring (4.00 / 2) #6 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 08:59:31 AM EST
camping out, flying kites etc. to manitain a website.

Herring - Official HuSi diarist of the 2016 European Korfball Championship (October 22nd, Dordrecht, Netherlands)
[ Parent ]
Going by current GCSE standards by Herring (4.00 / 1) #5 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 08:57:48 AM EST
I think only 40% of offspring need to reach adulthood to qualify as a grade C.

Herring - Official HuSi diarist of the 2016 European Korfball Championship (October 22nd, Dordrecht, Netherlands)
[ Parent ]
Candidate #3 by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #7 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 09:43:11 AM EST
Channeling King Lear.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

I'm worried it's slozo by sasquatchan (4.00 / 2) #8 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 10:17:19 AM EST
and that's part of why Slozo is in exile in China..


[ Parent ]
I think King Lear is a little different. by gzt (4.00 / 1) #10 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 01:31:11 PM EST
It's the same species of utter stupidity, but the point was that Cordelia refused to answer his question and play his game because she was the one who really did love him. But still, same pathology: man asks questions the answers to which are painfully obvious and which really should not be asked, game blows up catastrophically when child refuses to play.

[ Parent ]
I voted for by calla (4.00 / 2) #9 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 01:26:34 PM EST
#3 - troll option.


Kids Have It Too Easy These Days! by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 3) #13 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 03:08:43 PM EST
My father gets an A+ by MrPlough (4.00 / 3) #11 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 02:06:01 PM EST
Unfortunately he passed away in December. I'm still numb.
No work.
Condolences. by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 2) #14 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 03:10:04 PM EST
At least his parenting legacy will live on through you and your children. If he had a good formula it could keep kicking in your line for generations.

Goodness knows my Grampa Fred's benevolent influence continues to reverberate through our family tree.


I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da. We are a simple, grease-loving people who enjoy le weekend de ski.
[ Parent ]
Cheers by MrPlough (2.00 / 0) #18 Mon Mar 20, 2006 at 12:30:38 AM EST
Nice way to think of it.
No work.
[ Parent ]
Well, to actually grade my father . . . by slozo (4.00 / 4) #15 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 05:26:42 PM EST
. . . that's a tough one. Life is complicated, and to properly assess, especially when involved, is right difficult.

I was loved, clothed, always had shelter (through two bankruptcies basically and one house fire) and grew up to be a somewhat decent, well adjusted fellow. However, I sustained some physical abuse, much mental abuse, and financial debt entrapment as a child. My father has said and done things to my family that would be unforgiveable in other families. I lived in constant fear of his wrath.

So, as an adult now (just last year, don't you know), I cannot give him an F, because I was loved and provided for. I couldn't give him a B either though, the bad outweighs the good by a fair margin (even though there was a lot of good). So, for me, final mark: D (barely passing grade)



To Be Fair, The Grades... by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 1) #19 Mon Mar 20, 2006 at 01:31:31 AM EST
...were meant more to refer to specific Fatherhood Assignments, rather than to entire Fatherhood Careers.

The whole enchilada would be too much to chew. I'm just calling it on a case-by-case basis.


I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da. We are a simple, grease-loving people who enjoy le weekend de ski.
[ Parent ]
If candidate #3 sets the bar too high... by NoMoreNicksLeft (4.00 / 1) #17 Sun Mar 19, 2006 at 07:29:15 PM EST
Feel free to add my own father in their to lower all relevant statistical means. Of course, if you think you already have an F, it probably means the alphabet isn't large enough to score my own.

For now, let's give him a provisional triple Z-, at least until we can recalibrate the metric.
--
Do not look directly into laser with remaining good eye.

Stilton? by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #20 Mon Mar 20, 2006 at 02:35:14 AM EST
Brie?  A nice bit of Cheddar, perhaps?

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Killed your mother when you were 17, eh? by NoMoreNicksLeft (2.00 / 0) #21 Mon Mar 20, 2006 at 03:00:44 PM EST
Blew through who knows how much in workmen's comp from the "accident"?

Stole the social security checks you and your brother were receiving? Tried to do the same with life insurance money?

When all that was gone, insures the hovel he made your mother live in for 5 times its real value and burns it down three weeks later?

No, I always preferred swiss cheese. Or even provolone.
--
Do not look directly into laser with remaining good eye.

[ Parent ]
Three Pops | 21 comments (21 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback