Print Story Ten Points of Absolute Wisdom, For You To Cherish and Live By

Because it's Wednesday. You know it's true. Ooh, ooh, ooh.



Reality Shows Worth Watching: A Comprehensive List

  1. The news. It's the original structured, manufactured Reality Product! Long before eight strangers were picked to live in a house, before George Galloway and Dennis Rodman were Indian Rasslin' for a chance to peep through the keyhole at ex-Baywatch talent undressing themselves for bed, even before Sherwood Schwartz filmed his groundbreaking documentary about a 3 hour tour gone horribly awry, the news was Keepin' it Real.
  2. All the other ones suck. Don't bother.

Beard vs. Food: A Solution

Generally, I tend to keep the moustache part of my beard trimmed, while the rest I allow to grow wild like that of Paul Bunyan. However, sometimes in the hustle and bustle of modern life, it still manages to be a little unkempt. For the most part, this isn't too big a problem. Most daily activities are not hindered by a little extra length in the moustache department, if you know what I mean. Still, I find that eating food is occasionally problematic, as sauce-heavy (not burnsauce, just regular sauce) foods tend to leave remnants of their passing in the hairs just above my upper lip.

In doing some intensive Internets research, I've discovered a solution, though! A solution developed by the LESBIAN DENTAL CABAL, no less! Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the seedling of a product idea which will REVOLUTIONIZE BEARD CARE AS WE KNOW IT: The Dental Dam! Naturally, the existing dental dams will have to be modified, but it won't take much to make it work; just a hole to shove the food through! I think we can safely assume that a pair of scissors will solve this conundrum. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT SCISSORS, AND/OR DUCT TAPE, CANNOT FIX? I think that there is not.

Xbox 360 Game That Is Gonna Rock: A Hypertext Link

Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter

Odd Construction Projects Around The House: Cheap and Quick Vocal Booth

This weekend, I'm going to buy some PVC pipe, and frame myself a 7' tall, 4x4 assembly, which I will then attach, via the magic of Velcro, thick fucking blankets, thus creating a SUPER AWESOME VOCAL RECORDING BOOTH. I am stealing the idea, with some obvious modifications, from Trent "Gave a handjob to that dude who wrote Quake" Reznor.

Things That Are Scarce:

Why is it so hard to find Martina Hingis bukkake porn on the Internet? I mean, why did the Department of Defense build this thing in the first place? Jeez, technology has a long, long way to go.

Jobs that are Hard to Find Online

I'd like to get a job as a shephard in Ireland. Strangely, there don't seem to be many shephard job postings online. WTF is up with that? Is the shepharding field so nepotistic that you have to know one to be one? Has the occupation secretly been quashed from existence, with all sheep now being herded by robots? Hard to say, really. All I know is I may have to get one of those employment agents to find such a job for me, as monster, dice, and all other job sites I've scoured are turning up nothing.

Well, not nothing; there are a shitload of computer jobs, but fuck computers. This whole "technology" thing is a fad. I don't want to be caught with my pants down when computers become the next Mood Ring or Rubik's Cube.

Other Videogames for Xbox 360 That Will Justify Such a Purchase

Mmmmmmm, Dead Rising...

Stuff that Makes You Go, "Awwwwwwww"

IN YO FACE, BIZZATCH!

Well, it seems my dear friend and bandmate who is a journalist got an email from another journalist, who I built a defamation site about. HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAFUCKINGHA! PWN3D! He's not linked to in any form on the site, nor am I, though it wouldn't take too much detective work to see who registered the domain, then follow the links to eventually stumble upon a name she recognized. I find it funny, though, that she emailed him, and not me. What's the matter, bitch? You shook? Things too hard out in the yard fo' that ass? I KEEPS IT REAL!

Tender Pervert

And now, I shall close with the lyrics to "Coming in a Girl's Mouth" by the Honorable, though Politically Naive, Momus:

Coming In A Girl's Mouth

What is the cultural meaning of coming in a girl's mouth?
Do I wish to feed her or fill her mouth with filth?
Is it just to test whether she accepts my messiest mess
Or simply paint a funny milk moustache across her face?

Or is there in this thrilling ritual something messianic
Some sort of baptism by sperm?
Like my cock is John the Baptist saying
'One day someone greater than me shall come'
Or some Moses who leads an entire nation across her tongue
To liberation

That must be it... why else fill a girl's mouth saltily full
With a fluid the consistency of honey, tapioca, and motor oil?

< I have no soundproof padded room | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
Ten Points of Absolute Wisdom, For You To Cherish and Live By | 20 comments (20 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
So does your friend by sasquatchan (4.00 / 2) #1 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 09:05:58 AM EST
have anything to do with it, or did you just happen to list him ? and what are the contents of the email -- I mean, that's the jucy part here.. c'mon, give it up, yo!




He has nothing to do with it by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #5 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 09:28:03 AM EST

He isn't linked on the site, or listed, though the server hosts mathgeeks.org, mnslog.com, and a slew of other sites, which *do* point to the boxsetauthentic thing, where he's listed.

And, as it turns out, I think her detective work was actually just me not adding an alias for www.xenisucks.com to xenisucks.com in the apache configuration. That's since fixed.

And I'm keeping the email private, just because, but there wasn't much juice, really.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Puppies should not be on diets. by calla (4.00 / 2) #2 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 09:16:49 AM EST
That would be bad.




IVMAWTP by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #3 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 09:22:04 AM EST

In fact, it reminds me of a little vignette I forgot to diarize: lmfB and I were home, in the kitchen, and I was "preparing" ${officePuppy}'s dinner, which consisted of regular dog food, with fresh, uncooked green beans on top. She says to me, "Hey, you know you shouldn't feed other people's dogs people food, right?" I hadn't given it much thought, really, as I had been instructed by said dog's mommy that said dog likes the green beans, but I found myself in fundamental disagreement. I mean, if you can't feed a dog some ice cream or a cracker or some steak, then, well, what's the point of dogsitting? I want to be Bad Uncle Mohammed, who doggies love to go visit, because they know they are gonna totally score with regards to the eatin'!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Be Bad Uncle Mohammed by calla (4.00 / 1) #8 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 09:41:34 AM EST
with reckless abandon!!!

But in her defense, lmfB was only lookin' out for you. If the puppies get sick after every visit with you, puppy owners might not let puppies come to play with their bad uncle.

lmfB is sooo looking out for you.


[ Parent ]

Oh, I know, I know by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #9 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 09:44:19 AM EST

She's good people, and all, but, damnit, PUPPIES NEED ICE CREAM! Also, BEER! I mean, WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE PUPPIES????11114


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Puppies need by calla (4.00 / 1) #11 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 10:11:08 AM EST
this.


[ Parent ]

ZOMFG, I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #12 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 10:20:51 AM EST

Man, that's good livin'...


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

You are aware of moustache mugs by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #4 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 09:24:30 AM EST
right? I imagine with a little work, a moustache plate can be designed.




I hope you mean a moustache fork by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #6 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 09:29:45 AM EST

I don't know how you people live up there in upstate New York, but down here in Raleigh, food generally goes through a transportation phase between sitting on the plate, and getting chewed...


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

OMFGLOLBBQSEXPWNAGELEET by joh3n (4.00 / 2) #7 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 09:39:17 AM EST
et cetera, beeeeotch

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IM GONNA BE ON TEH RADIO!~11!!! by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 2) #10 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 09:46:16 AM EST

MY FRIEND THE GOTH HACKER TOOOKZ SOME INFRAREDZ PICTURES OF WHERE MY BOOBS WOULD BE, IF I HAD ANY BOOBS! BUSHITLAR HATES SEX! SOMEBODY CALL THE UNITED NATIONS, IRANIANS CAN'T READ ABOUT ME BEING ON THE RADIO, HOW CORY JERKS IT TO PICTURES OF WALT DISNEY, AND MARK'S CARTOONIST FRIENDS! OMG, INJUSTICE!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

You may be over-thinking the mouth thing by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #13 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 12:35:07 PM EST
Personally I just like to do what the cool people in porn films do.

Speaking of which, how come the only place I can find a snood online is on some Kraut fetish site?

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.


motor oil? by MillMan (4.00 / 1) #14 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 03:18:50 PM EST
What the hell is he having for dinner?

I never really considered face-to-face contact a possible thing. -CRwM


WIPO: by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #15 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 05:48:19 PM EST
FRIGGIN' TENSE IN!

You can't handle my complete attention.


Oooh, good point! by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #16 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 06:07:04 PM EST

Also, for your amusement...


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Should've been posted to the Fayetteville list. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #17 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 06:17:59 PM EST
Those positions would have been filled.

You can't handle my complete attention.
[ Parent ]

DOH! by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #18 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 06:18:47 PM EST

Serious, major fucking D'OH!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Oh no by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #19 Thu Mar 16, 2006 at 01:16:51 AM EST
I've just realised that boingboing is actually really uncool. Shit.

Sometimes you need to be shown these things.

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It's political correctness gone mad!


jesus... by 606 (4.00 / 1) #20 Fri Mar 17, 2006 at 09:16:03 PM EST
Just how many derogatory satirical blogs do you run?

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imagine dancing banana here


Ten Points of Absolute Wisdom, For You To Cherish and Live By | 20 comments (20 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback