Print Story What Are You Wearing Tomorrow?
By Christopher Robin was Murdered (Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 10:33:42 AM EST) (all tags)
PtB calls for 3F. By "tradition" we mean "shut up and do what you're told." Looking for somebody nice. I hate genuine, lovely people. He's the Slick Rick of Kingston upon Hull. Video evidence that Karen Black is nursing a viper for the bosom of Rome. Just like the real ones, fake celebrity deaths come in threes.

Office: Friday, 3F (Forced Fun Function)

    The PtB Fragment most directly responsible for control and maintenance issued an email edict on Friday. The subject line read "The Tradition Continues!!" and she sent it marked with Outlook's patented Red Exclamation Point importance indicator.
    What, might you ask, could be so important that it ranked not one, not two, but three exclamation points?
    The apparently traditional St. Patrick's Day pot-luck lunch, of course. I say "apparently" as, despite the two EP subject line, I've never, in several years of working here, attended any pot-luck lunch function of any kind, let alone a St. Patrick's Day pot-lunch. A quick poll of my fellow cube dwellers confirmed the historical fact. As far as anybody in this section of the company knows, it would be the first pot-luck lunch ever held.

Office: Saturday

    Had to put in almost a full day on Saturday. Work's that hectic right now.

Saturday Evening

    Training uptown to meet May in the village, got stuck standing between a young couple. I was trying to read and they sort of talked past me.
    Girl: "The whole dating scene hasn't really been that great."
    Boy: "It's tough. Tough, you know?"
    "Even in college, I didn't start really dating until college."
    "That late? You seem more out going . . ."
    "Well, I mean, the first time I was fucked was before college. I was date raped when I was fourteen. And then I really lost my virginity when I was seventeen. But I didn't date that much."
    "And after school, in school I met this guy, and after school I lived with him, in DC. And he was, like, a total nutcase. He would follow me. Real dick. Physical, you know what I mean, abusive. He used to piss on me when he was angry."
    "Um. Piss on you?"
    "Not like a sex thing. Just like, he'd really get pissed at me . . . hey, literally, I guess." She laughed at her own joke. "Anyway, he'd get angry and piss on me, or my stuff. Sometimes I'd come home and he'd have piled up my clothes and pissed on my all my stuff."
    They were silent for a second.
    "What about you?" she asked.
    "Well, you know, it's just hard finding somebody that’s, you know, nice."

    May and I met up with Tera at Kettle of Fish in the Village. Tera had spent the day roaming Manhattan, giving the tourist show and tell to Ashley, a woman she knew back in high school and kept in sporadic touch with. She had deposited Ashley off at some joint were she was to meet with other out-of-towners, then Tera made her way to the bar.
    We asked how her day was.
    Tera: "It was fine. Ashley's just one of those really nice, genuine, lovely people."
    "Oh, I fucking hate those people."
    "Seriously, and she's gorgeous. I wish she was dead."
    "What chance do us fake, ugly bastards got? Raw deal, man."

Sunday, Whitney

    Went to the Whitney Biennial. The big news this year was the inclusion of non-Americans in what has traditionally been the Whitney Museum of American Art's biggest show. Four floors of hot, avant action is a bit too much for me. The show suffers somewhat from the lack of theme – being young and doing art good enough for the Whitney gets you in. Consequently, you're barraged by styles, themes, and modes; and the crowd keeps you moving, so you've got a just enough time to register a single emotional response before you move on.
    Until you've been through one of these shows, you don't realize just how much difference a good curator makes.

    That said, there were some standouts.

    One on-going performance piece involved a skinny white Brit, baggy clothes, dark Kangol cap, eye-patch, looking like the Welly Club's answer to Slick Rick, walking around the museum, making comments about the art works and the patrons through his bull horn. Things like "This represents the death of art as commodity" or "Answer your cell phone; it's Nicole Kidman and she wants you to know she's not dead." The guy's name was Momus, and he was just improve enough to make gallery-goers wonder if he was, in fact, part of the show, or just some crazy.

    Another artist shot a pornographic trailer for a non-existent film remake of the Tinto Blass cult flick "Caligula," now renamed "Gore Vidal's Caligula." Vidal, looking tan, fat, and happy at his Greek villa (all the radical lefties have Greek villa's don't you know), appears as himself. Benicio Del Torro plays a Roman General. Karen Black plays Caligula's mother. Helen Mirren, remarkably well preserved, reprises her role form the Vidal-penned '79 epic skin-flick. Caligula, as far as I could make out, is played by Courtney Love. It was laugh out loud funny and contained the wonderful tagline: "Beyond sensuality is sexuality. Beyond sexuality is perversity. And beyond perversity, there is Caligula." Who needs art films when we can have art trailers?

    One of the odder works came from a man who apparently used to keep the emergency obit files updated at the NYTimes. What he does it produce, poster-size, NYTimes obits for people who are not yet dead. This show featured obits for Bill Clinton, Rod Stewart, and Nicole Kidman. They were produced with exacting dedication to the NYTimes house-style and the effect is strange admixture of the banal and macabre.

    The two best pieces, in my opinion, are displayed in the same room. The first involves two cast aluminum branches hanging by chains from two motorized mounts. On the ends of each branch, a single white candle burns. The branches slowly rotate and the candles leave two interlocked circles of white, melted wax on the floor of the gallery. The description does not do the work, which hypnotic and genuinely involving, justice.
    In the same room, appearing to look down at this obscure contraption, is what at first appears to be a gigantic black and white photograph of a man in jeans, a white button shit, and battered sports jacket. It isn't until you approach the work that you realize the "photo" is, in fact, a mural executed with fabulous control and masterly technique. Textures and tones rendered minutely, anatomy as perfect as an old master; the whole thing an epic affront to the misconception of all modern art as talentless amateurism.
    These two pieces are what you are confronted by as soon as you enter the show on the third floor, and the decision to put them front and center was brilliant.

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What Are You Wearing Tomorrow? | 30 comments (30 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
kettle of fish by tps12 (2.00 / 0) #1 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 10:57:37 AM EST
ast16 and I were there yesterday. Outdated internet information suggested that there was a Fish Tales pinball machine to be found there, but it was just Soprano's.

yes, but... by ast16 (2.00 / 0) #8 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:16:37 PM EST
that's a whole other... something...

[ Parent ]
oh, and hot tip by ast16 (2.00 / 0) #9 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:19:54 PM EST
tps12 looks exactly like Momus, only about 4 inches shorter. At the old College, Momus played a show in a performance space and we were able to squeeze into the front row, exactly across from the mic. I think the juxtaposition caused time to stop.

[ Parent ]
Sadly, Fish Tales was Yanked by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #10 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:28:00 PM EST
They still have the Mrs. Pac-Man/Galaga double header. Though that's probably cold comfort given the loss of Fish Tales.

[ Parent ]
Mallorca: by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #2 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 11:07:39 AM EST

Also poopular with the radical lefties. Not that I've tracked down Galloway's villa address, mind you, because that'd be pretty stalkerly. Not as stalkerly, say, as if I'd hired a dude to root through his garbage, but, still, pretty stalkerly.

I wonder how much it'd cost to get someone to root through his garbage.

Also, I cracked up when you described the white dude with the eyepatch looking at art, and I immediately thought, "MOMUS", then you revealed that it was, in fact, Momus. Momus rocks a lot.

You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
What? by Awakened Dreamer (4.00 / 1) #4 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 11:59:12 AM EST

I think you're confused. It's not stalking to hire someone else to go through someone's garbage. That's called investigation. There's a whole industry built up around it. And, since this is a capitalist society, and if you can make money doing it, it must be OK, investigating must not be stalking.

It's only stalking when you root through their garbage yourself. You ain't gonna make any money doing that, unless you find a way to sell some goods to the tabloids. In which case, congratulations, you just turned yourself from a stalker, into an investigator, and the great capitalist debate says Y0U = W1NNAR!

[ Parent ]
I Must Admit to Having No Idea . . . by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 1) #17 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:53:36 PM EST
Who the Hell Momus was. I submitted the idea of following him around, hands cupped in a pseudo-megaphone, responding to his comments with things like "This is all good and well, but you still owe me five bucks" and "We told you this was funny 'cause you promised to get us in cheap; we're in now and it isn't funny"; but May was certain we'd get the boot.

[ Parent ]
Momus: Pretty Cool for a Jocklander by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #22 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 02:44:18 PM EST

and a leftie. Obligatory Momus referentia (check for pictures of yourself and May) goes here.

You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
He has a column in Wired by Gully Foyle (2.00 / 0) #28 Tue Mar 14, 2006 at 05:57:55 AM EST
Which might tell you something about him I guess. He mentions the bullhorn thing here.

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"un-hunh, yeah" by calla (4.00 / 1) #3 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 11:25:31 AM EST
Did the boy run off the train at the next stop?

If he didn't, he's f'ing stupid.

I don't know. by Awakened Dreamer (4.00 / 2) #5 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:00:14 PM EST

I'm thinking there's an argument to be made that waiting until the next stop to run off the train would be pretty stupid at that point.

[ Parent ]
Wow. by Awakened Dreamer (2.00 / 0) #6 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:01:44 PM EST

Chicks that are open are pretty cool. But there's a line, not a fine line, a GREAT BIG FUCKING WIDE-ASS SHARPIE LINE between being open, and being able to just casually mention, "I was date raped when I was fourteen" in a crowd.

Reminds Of A Girl by jump the ladder (2.00 / 0) #11 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:28:59 PM EST
Who I met at party and the first thing she mentioned was having an abortion at 15. Not really much I could add to that conversation so I made a beeline for the toilet and avoided her fotr the rest of the party.

[ Parent ]
I had a girlfriend once. . . by Awakened Dreamer (2.00 / 0) #13 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:35:15 PM EST

Well, OK, so she wasn't really a girlfriend, but someone who made a bet with me and lost and was thus forced into a date that she later admitted she enjoyed, against her will, but it sounds better to call her girlfriend because admitting that I stooped to the "lose the bet" ploy to get a date with her is pretty low.

Anyway, she introduced me to her sister, who looked damn near identical to her, and her first words to me were, "Hi, I'm $name, and I've been in porn."

She told me later she always does that, because it's easier than worrying about whether or not someone either already knows, or would stumble across it later.

[ Parent ]
The Same Logic Doesn't Hold by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #14 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:42:17 PM EST
For subway girl. Is she worried that she might have to introduce her date rapist at one point?

"So just what is your connection to Shelia?"
"Why I raped her of course. Didn't she tell you?"
"No, it didn't come up."
"Well, not in a virginity taking way or anything, but yeah. Odd she didn't mention it."

I don't see any reason to drop that tidbit in except as a shock and awe tactic to get control of the conversation. Either she's trying to scare you off or stun you into submission; neither option's particularly great.

[ Parent ]
Maybe. by Awakened Dreamer (2.00 / 0) #16 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:52:55 PM EST

Or maybe subway girl is just so clueless that she believes it completely acceptable to just pop off random facts about her sexual past. There's a lot of people that are so oblivious, I don't completely see that as impossible.

[ Parent ]
Porn I can deal with by jump the ladder (2.00 / 0) #15 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:45:04 PM EST
I dated a lap dancer.

But someone who meets a complete, pissed up stranger and starts going on about her abortion and living on the streets when she was 14, that's a bit much to take in.

[ Parent ]
True. by Awakened Dreamer (2.00 / 0) #18 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:54:12 PM EST

And while I can deal with porn, I was introduced to this girl by my date, in front of their parents. Porn was not something I figured would come up in casual conversation.

Though, you are correct, in that the conversation you got suckered into was even worse.

[ Parent ]
I Once Worked w/ a Coworker Who . . . by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 1) #19 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:57:53 PM EST
Discussed her "unchildren," as she so charmingly dubbed her various abortions, at work lunches. She was eventually told to keep her reproductive history out of all work functions. But she dropped the abortion details at two or three lunches before people finally got fed up with her.

In retrospect, perhaps what is most amazing about this is not that some people are so off-kilter that they do these things, but just how much such people can do before somebody clues them in to the social contract the rest of us seem to be playing by.

[ Parent ]
Some people wear it as a badge by gazbo (2.00 / 0) #21 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 01:44:56 PM EST
Some girls - too large a number of girls - are raped and never report it because of their shame.

Other girls report it, deal with it, and try to forget it.

Yet another group of girls never report it, but define themselves by it.  Rarely does a social occasion pass that they don't talk about all the times (for rarely is it just once!) that they've been raped.  This is something I've never understood; I've once tried to make sense of it through the medium of "conversation", but I was accused of being "insensitive".

I recommend always assuming 7th normal form where items in a text column are not allowed to rhyme.

[ Parent ]
gazbo? Insensitive? by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 1) #23 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 03:00:09 PM EST
I demand to know who is making this claim, because I refuse to believe it.

Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline
[ Parent ]
I have met and dealt with all three. by Awakened Dreamer (4.00 / 1) #25 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 06:07:15 PM EST

And must admit that I have no clue what group number three is thinking. Not one little clue.

Well, that's not entirely true. There's a hint of that, "I'm so hot men can't control themselves around me" thing going on in rare cases, but I think there's something deeper than that going on that's just out of reach of mere mortals to understand.

[ Parent ]
i think there might be another group by LilFlightTest (2.00 / 0) #29 Tue Mar 14, 2006 at 07:24:23 PM EST
didnt report it, not because of shame, but because nobody would believe it wasnt consensual, and while dont deny it, just prefer not to dwell.
Send me to Austria!
[ Parent ]
Probably. by Awakened Dreamer (2.00 / 0) #30 Wed Mar 15, 2006 at 04:21:21 AM EST

But, those are likely also the ones who wouldn't be sharing the story with people like me. And in that case, perception being reality. . .well, yeah.

[ Parent ]
Momi by The Fool (2.00 / 0) #7 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:08:07 PM EST

Momus, not to be confused with Momus.

Also, I'm sure that Garrison Keillor would approve of a cultural exchange program for sending depairing New York women to the Midwest, where they would learn the ways of love from shy Minnesotan men.

It Would Be Like Anti-Rumspringa by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #12 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:30:52 PM EST
For the aimless hordes of lonely women cast adrift after they pulled the plug on Sex in the City.

The plan has my support as well.

Good luck Minnesota.

[ Parent ]
What will you have been wearing tomorrow? by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #20 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 01:14:34 PM EST
Come, come, the Duke of Wellington made it a point to use present perfect tense correctly even while under fire.  Try to emulate his example.

Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
While Wellington Is the Only One . . . by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 2) #24 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 05:50:42 PM EST
On that rain drenched spit of rock I'd trust to prepare my beef, I don't trust any UKian with the language that is regrettably branded with their name.

You linguistic vandals invented the term chav, think the short form of Madonna is Madge (a short form that contain more alien letters than it contains letters original to the shortened word), and have a bizarrely infantile need to add "ies" to nouns Shakespeare had no problem using in their natural form. Let's not even discuss the distressing number of you that did once or still do believe rhyming slang is still a good idea. Return to your drinkies, my waterlogged friends; you're out.

Americans, however, can understand and fluently regurgitate the pre-lingual mumblings of George Bush (there are those who swear they don't, but these are the same ones who promised to leave if he was elected a second time and did not - they are clearly untrustworthy liars), have adopted "like" as punctuation, and treat the language with all the respect a Gitmo Marine shows a Muslim prisoner. We also thought, for a time, "rad" was a good idea. We're clearly out too.

From now on I'm getting my grammar advice from the people of Hong Kong. Back think to view the up types, Mr. Borg. Happy luck go if sameness.

[ Parent ]
Keyless bitter lemon juice by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #26 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 11:24:39 PM EST
Was an actual section title in a technical document that I received from a Korean chumrade.  I'd suggest that only phrases that can be translated into Foreign and back unchanged by Babelfish be regarded as valid.

Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Feudal bully idea, old person. by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 1) #27 Tue Mar 14, 2006 at 04:26:55 AM EST
We will limit to the only these statements oneself therefore obtained.

[ Parent ]
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