This Week In Puppies Visiting Me

Until last Thursday, I was puppysitting for Map. I babbled about him before, but here he is after I woke him up. I was always waking the little dude up. That's because he was pretty much always sleeping. I wish I got as much sleep as that furry little bastard.

Friday night, I had to forego plans to go up to the lake with Her Royal Highness, as Saturday morning, my coworker, ${coworker} was bringing over her puppy for me to watch until Tuesday. Currently, I have a gigantic bundle of white fur laying on the floor next to me.

Pretty impressive, eh? ${OfficeDoggie} is the Perfect Walking Dog; she does her business right away, walks at a brisk pace, and pays no attention to distractions. Puppies can walk by, and she won't even lift her gaze from the straight path ahead of her. Little kids pass her, and she can't be arsed to give them a second thought. Walk, walk, walk! Gotta keep walking!

Sunday, lmfB and I took her for a 3 mile walk up to lmfB's old Starbucks, then we sat in the courtyard area adjacent to it, and little kid after little kid came up, usually with parents who sheepishly asked if it was alright if their kids pet "my" dog. ${OfficeDoggie} is a total sweetheart, and loves being pet, and the softness and plentitude of her fur makes her an ideal pettin' doggie. "Your dog soft!" "Your doggie is very pretty!" Well, she's not my dog, and, while it's great she was getting all the petting, it became a little annoying after a while. lmfB and I were busy arguing about crap, only to be interrupted every 5 minutes by yet another 3 year old, asking to pet the nice doggie.

Also, ${OfficeDoggie} was dead tired by the time we got back. A grand total of six miles of walking may have been a little much in the 70 degree weather for someone wearing a gigantic, puffy fur coat. Live and learn, live and learn.

Oh, and the day prior, she finally barked. Her bark is really pretty quiet; quiet enough that she could bark all day in the apartment, and never disturb the neighbors. She started the barking and speaking after I started singing a made-up-on-the-spot song about going to the lake. Call and response! She is an excellent musical partner, and I hope to do more duets with her later today. Here's some video of it all:

We're going to the lake
We're gonna take a dump
We're gonna take a walk
Maybe watch some ducks
Also eat some grubs

Work Heh

From my "task list":

To do:
  • script backup of ${particularDomain} email
  • investimagate mail server options
  • regular job stuff

From ${newIdiotBigBoss}'s response email:

Mohammed,

you forgot this:

plan postfix + mailman + webmail replacement of Communigate

Actually, no, dude. I didn't forget that. Had you read all three items on my task list, you would know that. Conveniently enough, ALL THREE ITEMS WERE IN THE QUOTED TEXT RIGHT UNDER YOUR RETARDED REPLY! If you're not going to bother reading before you reply, I'm not going to bother replying to your replies. Come to think of it, I'm not going to bother reading your replies. This should save me at least 10 minutes a week.

It is for this reason that I have implemented a filter that automatically sends all mail from ${newIdiotBigBoss} directly to the trash. Perhaps I should implement this on the server side, so as to save bandwidth for everyone who gets annoying pointless emails from him, by simply sending all his outgoing mail directly to /dev/null. I mean, is there really a reason for us to waste valuable Internet resources echoing what passes as thoughts in his brain? I think not.

${coworker_developer} loaned me a book he picked up about project management by Scott Berkun. I'm not reading it cover-to-cover, but, rather, skipping around at will. Most of it seems like common sense, but the "Things Not To Do" chapter reads like a documentary of ${newIdiotBigBoss}'s management style. Pretty impressive! If there's something to do that can be done wrong, he'll do it.

This Week In Battlestar Galactica

So Cally is having a baby with that domestic-abusing asshole, and total fucking Communist, Galen Tyrol, eh? Well, fuck her, and fuck him, too.

This Week In Animals on the Internet

This Week In Mistaken Mass Media Identity

Saturday afternoon, I watched Fahrenheit 451, a classic film by Michael Moore about how "President" Bush secretly runs the firefighting industry with his COBOL of BOOKBURNING NEO-CONS, hell-bent on imposing their New Zionist World Order on all sorts of hot, bookish, British women named Julie Christie who were raised by Tea Slavery Overlords in India, then grew up to date Guardian "reporters".

In watching the credits for the film, I spotted one Cyril Cusack, who I mistakenly thought played the role of Guy Montag. Thinking that he looked a staggering lot like John Cusack, I was heartbroken to find out that 1) they weren't related, and 2) the dude I thought was Cyril Cusack was actually Oskar Werner. This makes the visual similarity JUST PLAIN CRAZY: Check it.

Oskar Werner vs. John Cusack

OK, maybe I'm on crack.

Samantha Brown told me something yesterday

She said that bouillabaisse in Marseilles costs fifty Euros. Fifty fucking Euros, for soup? Holy mother of fuck, that soup better be topped with SOLID FUCKING GOLD...

Also, according to the Internet, Samantha Brown is a Cow Hampshirian. Color me impressed! So there is more than LL Bean and cows from that place!

And now, POOPS!

< W00t | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
I am a pretty satisfactory dude. | 38 comments (38 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Top puppy has a very dirty beard by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #1 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 06:37:01 AM EST
I hope you look after yours better

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It's political correctness gone mad!


I wash my beard twice a day by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #5 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 06:47:05 AM EST

I think top puppy washes his, like, once a month. Plus, he eats things off the ground, and I don't. That helps a lot!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

I've never figured out the etiquette by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #2 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 06:37:21 AM EST
For pointing out that my boss is a cretin.  Jokey, dry, nothing seems appropriate.  And yet I hate to ignore it, because it lets him re-define reality, and then BAM! one day you wake up and you're in some topsy turvy world where people are promoted based on their ability to do Power Point presentations.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.


I tried responding at first by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #8 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 06:53:00 AM EST

I just quoted what I wrote before, with the text, "No, I didn't forget. See number 2." That, however, didn't seem to register with him, as I never got a response. My new plan is IGNORE, FLEE, and DO NOT ALERT TO THE FACT THAT I'VE QUIT. Then, two years from now, it's SCORCHED FUCKING EARTH TIME, made all the easier by the fact that I've got my fingers on a big tarball of everyone involved's identification numbers, HR history, home addresses, SSNs, etc.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Newly discovered FACT by gazbo (4.00 / 2) #26 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:42:02 AM EST
Any string of lower case words punctuated with uppercase words looks like syntactically valid SQL.

Now I just need to lobby for SCORCHED FUCKING EARTH TIME to be added as reserved words.  I believe the ANSI SQL committee meet on Thursdays at Denny's still?


I recommend always assuming 7th normal form where items in a text column are not allowed to rhyme.

[ Parent ]

And we call that world. . . by Awakened Dreamer (4.00 / 3) #28 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:49:12 AM EST

. . .business.

Welcome to the world. Bring plenty of astroglide and you should do fine.

[ Parent ]

Geography time by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #3 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 06:43:14 AM EST
Vermont, with the cheese, creamery and ice cream, has the cows.

Maine has LL Bean.

NH has, well, hell, I lived there, but can't really say. Mostly it is a Boston suburb. And "Live Free or Die!" license plates.



My recollection of a former-gf's husband by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #7 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 06:50:38 AM EST

working for LL Bean was that he commuted from Portland, ME to Cow Hampshire and back, though I could be wrong.

And we should not forget: Cow Hampshire is popular with Free State Project weirdos! Isn't that 5 year deadline up? Shouldn't they all be relocating about now?


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Rocks. by ad hoc (4.00 / 2) #33 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 08:25:11 AM EST
Big, big rocks.

And liquor stores at the rest stops.
--
Close friendships and a private room can offer most of the things love does.
[ Parent ]

${OfficeDoggie} has the greatest voice!!! by calla (4.00 / 1) #4 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 06:45:38 AM EST
More ${OfficeDoggie} barking, plz. We love ${OfficeDoggie}!!!




She's very manly by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #6 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 06:47:45 AM EST

Yet, totally soft-spoken. I shall do my best to record more of her before she leaves.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

where is by 256 (4.00 / 3) #15 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:02:54 AM EST
officedoggie's mfc entry?
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I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni
[ Parent ]

"roowrr-rooww" by calla (4.00 / 1) #16 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:07:46 AM EST
is my favorite thing she says.


[ Parent ]

I should try to record mine by mmangino (4.00 / 2) #11 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 06:59:30 AM EST
My male Samoyed loves to talk and howl. I wonder how well a crappy microphone will pick that up. I probably shouldn't encourage the howling in our condo, but oh well. I think it's adorable.

[ Parent ]

Perhaps you could teach him by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #13 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:01:14 AM EST

To just use his indoor voice?


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

His isn't too bad by mmangino (4.00 / 1) #17 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:14:00 AM EST
It's the female who doesn't know how to howl, so she just barks full volume. She has no indoor voice.

[ Parent ]

Reese Witherspoon by joh3n (4.00 / 2) #9 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 06:53:32 AM EST
STEP TO THE CURB

Best actress?  OFFICEDOGGY, for her thrilling and mesmerizing 'rrrwrrow'  monologue in the tear-jerker movie hit, Who wants hugs down at the lake?

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Hollywood is so out of touch by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 2) #10 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 06:55:24 AM EST

OFFICEDOGGIE KEEPS IT REAL! REAL INDEPENDANT!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

I definitely owe you puppy pictures by mmangino (4.00 / 1) #12 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:00:36 AM EST
I still haven't gotten my christmas puppy pictures off of my camera. I will do that tonight and post pictures of sammys hiding in a christmas tree, and sleeping upside down.



The sleeping upside-down thing... by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #14 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:02:48 AM EST

What's up with that, anyway? Is it so they can let their hair-covered bellies soak up the cool air? Every time I turn around, OFFICEDOGGIE is lying on her back, napping, all four legs sticking out in every direction. It's pretty friggin' cute!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

The only thing cuter by mmangino (4.00 / 1) #18 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:14:50 AM EST
is when the other dog decides that a hairy puppy belly makes a great pillow.

[ Parent ]

I have to agree with the other dog by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #20 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:18:59 AM EST

I just got up from a 5 minute nap using OFFICEDOGGIE's belly as a pillow. It was downright luxurious!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Seconded. by Awakened Dreamer (4.00 / 1) #29 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:53:03 AM EST

My older pup is often laying across my real pillow when I get to bed. I find her body depth to be perfect for laying on my side. My neck lines up perfectly when my ear is resting on her belly.

Though you hear some strange noises doing that at time.

[ Parent ]

That's how you can tell when they fart by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #31 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 08:04:45 AM EST

Well, that, and the putrid smell of processed horseflesh and rice, having made the epic trek through doginary digestive tracts.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Um, yeah. by Awakened Dreamer (4.00 / 1) #34 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 08:30:14 AM EST

I don't really need to stick my ear to her belly to know when she farts, as she thinks it's the funniest thing ever to raise her tail and let 'er rip. Then she laughs.

The first time she did that I asked my wife what she's been teaching her. Wifey was not amused.

(And to the un-educated heathens in the audience, yes, dogs can laugh. You'd best believe it.)

[ Parent ]

Ghetto 7 FP - ${FuckingRockinDawg} by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #19 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:16:54 AM EST

Project Management. I've been told to read voluntarily embracing the benefits of this one, which is supposedly something of a de facto standard over here ... apparently - and a pal is reading the Berkun one. They get us all. In the end. It's like the slow, dripping loss of the soul, one quantum at a time.

Still. Who cares? Puppies.


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.


The amount that puppies rock by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #22 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:22:07 AM EST

makes me want to quit this computery crap and get into a puppy-oriented career. I can't imaging they have "project management", or, for that matter, even "managers" in puppy-oriented careers. Sweet, sweet puppies...


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Their Gantt chart must be pretty maintainable by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #27 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:47:11 AM EST

Sleep, walk, poop, food, fuss, try and get-it-on when owner not looking. Fairly straight-forward at this point.

A friend of mine, who I hadn't seen for a while, has got a Dogues de Bordeaux / French mastiff. They're awesome - big, friendly bear-type dudes - but I'm getting the "Ewww, they're ugly"s from the housemates.


----
Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]

Email filters by Evil Cloaked User (4.00 / 2) #21 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:21:27 AM EST
I once worked with a guy who set up a filter to immediately trash anything that came in flagged as "high importance".



That is an excellent policy by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #23 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:23:26 AM EST

As there is no "high importance" task, really; just "next" or "to be shelved indefinitely". The more people think their task is important, the more likely it is to fall into the latter category.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

Precisely. by Evil Cloaked User (4.00 / 1) #24 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:28:49 AM EST
Especially given the fact that the guy who kept sending "high importance" flags seemed to have it on as the default setting (apparently Outlook lets you do this!).

[ Parent ]

We have a dude here by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 2) #25 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:34:50 AM EST

Who doesn't use it by default, but occasionally flags certain of his outgoing messages as "high importance". They're usually SEC-paperwork-oriented, which is to say they're important to him, as his ass is on the firing line, federally, if we don't get the forms to him by a certain time, but that does not translate to them being important to us.

Considering what an assclown he is to begin with, I find it amusing that he sends HIGH IMPORTANCE emails to us with the ramifications of us not responding being him being investigated by the Securities Exchange Commission. Since we don't like him, it hardly sounds like a negative consequence.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

High importance != email. by Awakened Dreamer (4.00 / 2) #30 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 07:56:22 AM EST

If it was high importance, there ass would be in my cubicle, bothering me directly. Email, high importance? I sort by importance. In reverse order.

[ Parent ]

On the plus side by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #32 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 08:11:18 AM EST

the dude who sends us his TOTALLY FUCKING URGENT demands lives in Cullifornia, thus making it difficult for him to show up in our office.


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

maybe she's not preggo, and just fat now [nt] by theantix (4.00 / 1) #35 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 09:29:37 AM EST





This is a very good point by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #36 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 09:31:02 AM EST

As everyone knows communists are impotent!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

You got spurned by cam (4.00 / 1) #37 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 12:24:27 PM EST
hahaha

cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic


I AM A HUMAN BEING AND I HAVE FEELINGS! by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #38 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 02:47:26 PM EST

Now, if only I could convince lmfB to let me beat her up, then impregnate her while I rabble the rousers to REVOLUTION against BALTAR!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

I am a pretty satisfactory dude. | 38 comments (38 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback