Print Story The Toledo War, Take 2
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By thenick (Sat Mar 11, 2006 at 03:17:29 PM EST) Toledo, military, defecation (all tags)
Following an afternoon at the Toledo Museum of Art I decided to treat myself to some Packo's dogs,  and to get there from the museum I'd have to drive through downtown.

Everything was going as planned as I turned right onto Adams from Ontario. Just a block later, I'm greeted by a soldier pointing an M-16 at my car. Immediately I defecated myself and slammed on the brakes. He came over to my window and let me know that the Army was running exercises in the downtown area again, to which I responded by offering to play the insurgency, since I'm an expert with fireworks. He regretfully informed me that they've already got that covered, but to check back in next time. Before scurrying off to devour a chili dog and a plate of fried pickles, I drove around for a while taking photos of the first armed occupation of Toledo that I had heard of since 1835.



The following are some of the pictures I took while downtown. I was a bit uneasy at taking pictures of the soldiers who were involved in the exercise, but after seeing a number of other bystanders snap photos without incident, I pulled out my digital camera too. Due to the general suckiness of my camera when taking action photos, only a few shots were salvageable. Here's some of the best photos after some preliminary editing in Picasa:

The Humvees were in columns, racing all over downtown. Here they are heading southwest on Superior.

I got stuck at a light behind a Humvee with a large soldier manning a large machine gun.

Don't worry, the Quiznos is still safe for democracy.

While in the past Toledo's downtown has been empty enough to hold these exercises, I doubt this will continue. There is an arena planned for a large part of the area the military uses in these exercises and a number of older buildings are being redeveloped into lofts and apartments, roughly doubling the downtown population in the next two years. Even today the drills caused problems for the thousands of people who attended the annual DIY showcase at the Seagate Center. But the military need not fret, they can always use downtown Flint.

< aw frig, my microwave popcorn! | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
The Toledo War, Take 2 | 12 comments (12 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
VS2FP! by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #1 Sat Mar 11, 2006 at 03:32:54 PM EST
I WANT YOU TO BREACH, BANG, AND CLEAR THAT FUCKING QUIZNOS RIGHT FUCKING NOW, CORPORAL!

I must say, though, you've learned nothing from Iraq, sir. When, while driving a vehicle, you encounter a US soldier pointing an M-16 at your car, what you're supposed to do is totally floor it so you can get up close so the dude can see that you've got an Italian journalist in the back seat, so he'll know not to signal his buddy manning the fifty cal to vacate the vehicle manually, from the front to the back. I mean, DUH!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
Yankee Go Home by thenick (4.00 / 3) #3 Sat Mar 11, 2006 at 04:05:36 PM EST
It's Facism, man! This affects all of us!

Maybe he's right. Just wait until they get off duty and head over to the Dirty Bird for a drink. Then we'll see some hardcore facism.

First they took over the pool table and I did not speak out because I suck at pool.
Then they took over the jukebox and I did not speak out because I don't mind AC/DC.
Then they took over the Golden Tee 2005 machine and I did not speak out because it's graphics suck.
Then they took over the beer line and I had to wait a long time to get another Shiner Bock.

 
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"'Vengence is Mine', quoth Alvis. And then he shot the guy, right in the freaking face!"

[ Parent ]
It is graphics suck. by Forbidden (2.00 / 0) #9 Sun Mar 12, 2006 at 12:05:10 PM EST
What?

You once was.
[ Parent ]
Finally, what the INTARWEBS needs more of... by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #12 Mon Mar 13, 2006 at 04:10:19 AM EST

APOSTROPHE NAZIS!

Oops, I mean "APOSTROPHE NAZI'S." GOD BLESS YOU AND THE IMPORTANT WORK YOU DO!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Brilliant by cam (4.00 / 1) #2 Sat Mar 11, 2006 at 03:58:25 PM EST
The US Army s right to protect Quiznos for democracy, it is superior to Subway.

cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

Right on! by thenick (4.00 / 1) #6 Sat Mar 11, 2006 at 04:24:05 PM EST
Ditch that Sub Club card and join up for the big win.

 
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"'Vengence is Mine', quoth Alvis. And then he shot the guy, right in the freaking face!"

[ Parent ]
Yeah by Forbidden (2.00 / 0) #10 Sun Mar 12, 2006 at 12:06:55 PM EST
If I prefer eating nearly raw meat that has sat out for hours at an increased price with fewer vegetables and lots more sloppy drippy sauce, sure.

You once was.
[ Parent ]
Jared? Is that you? by cam (4.00 / 1) #11 Sun Mar 12, 2006 at 04:58:27 PM EST
That's a MK 19, n00b. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #4 Sat Mar 11, 2006 at 04:12:47 PM EST
While technically a machine gun, the "bullets" are actually 40mm grenades.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

Regardless, by thenick (4.00 / 2) #5 Sat Mar 11, 2006 at 04:21:03 PM EST
If he would have taken a little extra time when the light turned green, I probably wouldn't have used my horn to get him moving.

 
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"'Vengence is Mine', quoth Alvis. And then he shot the guy, right in the freaking face!"

[ Parent ]
You should've honked anyway. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 2) #7 Sat Mar 11, 2006 at 04:28:18 PM EST
That grenade doesn't arm until it's about 20 meters away.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
The first Toledo War by ad hoc (4.00 / 2) #8 Sat Mar 11, 2006 at 05:03:46 PM EST
You know, I did a paper on that. Total clusterfuck from the start. At least Michigan lost. Sort of.

The best part of the story is that one of the commanders was named Stickney. He had two sons. The first was named One Stickney. The other was named Two Stickney. I'm not sure which was older.
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Close friendships and a private room can offer most of the things love does.

The Toledo War, Take 2 | 12 comments (12 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback