Print Story For Somebody So Easy Going, You Sure Wear Pants a Lot
By Christopher Robin was Murdered (Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 07:13:20 AM EST) (all tags)
Whatever it is, I'm assuming that it is a form of doing me harm, and I'll do whatever I have to do in order to avoid it. Sold-out, again. Ranter.

Friday: Office, Email

From: PtB fragment 4
Sent: Friday, February 24, 2006 3:38 PM
To: Joan
Cc: CRwM
Subject: projections

Joan, why don't you ask CRwM to put all the new reports into an account for you so that you can really look at everything. We'll use the Company X login. That will give you the A set-up.


From: CRwM
Sent: Friday, February 24, 2006 3:39 PM
To: PtB fragment 4; Joan
Subject: RE: projections

Well, what’s in it for me?


From: Joan
Sent: Friday, February 24, 2006 3:45 PM
To: CRwM; PtB fragment 4
Subject: RE: projections

I will not triangle choke you.


From: CRwM
Sent: Friday, February 24, 2006 3:39 PM
To: PtB fragment 4; Joan
Subject: RE: projections

For you, I will set up these reports.


Does anybody know what a triangle choke is? I didn't have the guts to find out.

Saturday: Sold-Out Again

    May was working a Saturday shift, so I thought I it would take the day and geek out by hitting the New York Comic Convention at the Javits Center.
    Never got anywhere near the exhibition floor. Not only were tickets sold out; the convention organizers had oversold the event and they were denying access to people who had tickets. The whole thing seemed pretty poorly organized. Without ticket or identification of any sort, I have pretty much unrestricted access to event rooms and the main theater, running previews on a handful of seemingly identical anime films between occasional guest spots from various names in the comic biz.

    The real thing here the death of a certain idea I had of the city. One of the things I've always like about NYC was the fact that the abundance of cultural resources (though, since I'm talking about an event that has no problem admitting a grown man dressed as the black-and-white late 80s era Spider-Man, I use the term "cultural resources" loosely) that the city encourages spontaneity.
    Lately, however, it seems, I've been find sold out shows, exhibits, music gigs, what have you, wherever I go.
    Perhaps I'm just suffering from bad luck. Perhaps the Internet has made ticket pre-sales so easy that at the door sales are becoming a thing of the past.
    Whatever it is, it's pissing me off.

Saturday: 2 Train

    On the way home from the mess at Javits, on the 2. A ranter boarded the train at Penn Station. He would mumble, then sudden bellow out a single word or short phrase, then return to mumbling. He sounded like he was speaking Spanish, but at one point a man on the train tried to speak to him in Spanish and the results were clear inconclusive. At Chambers, the ranter got off, made incomprehensible sounds at us, and made an urgent gesture that seemed to suggest we should all get off the train – as if we were all about to ride past our stop, so hurry, before the doors close!
    Mostly he was ignored, only once did anybody attempt to talk to him. Ignore or converse, it didn't seem to make a difference to the ranter.

    Got me thinking about ranters I've encountered and it occurs to me that I've never been on a train car where two independent crazy ranters have just been doing their thing at the same time. This strikes me as odd.
    Think of it this way, the primary defining characteristic of a true ranter is the absolute lack of concern for the presence of others. If the ranter wants to swear, the presence of children doesn't deter him. Loud conversations, people addressing him, people ignoring him – none of it matters, little of it registers. The ranters essential weirdness is stripping language of it communication function and making masturbatory noise. Occasionally the rant seems to have a semantic element, but this is ultimately irrelevant because the existence of semantic content requires another possessor of the language to receive and understand the message. Relegate everyone around you to the status of irrelevant geographic accident, and you might as well be speaking gibberish.
    Given this as granted, then two ranters shouldn't bother one another. All the people around them, regardless of what they are doing, are irrelevant. This should include any other ranters. To a ranter, another ranter is just so much more background noise, dismissed in the solipsistic contemplation of one's own ability to make noise.
    Consequently, the presence of two or more ranters should not hamper the ranting of any of the involved ranters. They should, individually, rant on, as headless of each other as they collectively are of the other, non-ranting passengers.
    That all said, I've never been in a car with two simultaneous and independent ranters.
    Is there some ranters' code: One crazy ranter per car; first come, first serve? Let's say there is a ranter, Ranter A, at 14th Street Station, mumbling to himself about the end of the world, occasionally blurting out a curse at the international Jewish banking conspiracy. If he boards the 1 train and finds that the car he has boarded is already filled with a man slurring his way loudly through a mad and tireless recreation of every slight, genuine or imagined, that he's ever received, will Ranter A immediately make his way to the next car? Perhaps they rant it out, trying to see who is the more worthy ranter according to some understood, but never spoke criteria of ranting. And I've never seen two ranters going at it at the same time because I'm only coming in after these rant-battles.

    Perhaps there is a practical application for the non-ranter. If it is found that ranters won't board a car with one ranter already working on it, perhaps short bursts of simulated ranting, shouted out at each stop, could act as a deterrent. Sort of a ranter false-positive that makes the ranter think, "Oh, alright, you've got this car covered." We could pipe it over the loudspeakers.
    MTA, think about before you say no.

< Nobody beats a swingline stapler | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
For Somebody So Easy Going, You Sure Wear Pants a Lot | 24 comments (24 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
All the ranters in the world by yicky yacky (4.00 / 3) #1 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 07:26:10 AM EST

are simply arguing with other ranters, thousands of miles away.

Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
Triangle choke by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #2 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 07:32:39 AM EST
I believe it's from the UFC -- watch more Spike 'Must Bleed' TV.. It involves putting the opponents head between your legs, then pulling your ankle across the neck and under your other legs knee. This gives you leverage to squeeze with the thighs, then you grab your ankle with a free hand and pull, constricting the front of the neck. It's a submission hold, hard to get out of, usually resulting in your opponent tapping out to concede the match, or opponent will pass out, ending the match.

So, It was a Threat of Brutal Violence . . . by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #4 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 07:36:13 AM EST
That was also a little dirty.

Now I don't know what to make of it.

[ Parent ]
She wants you to see her Garfield tattoo by debacle (4.00 / 1) #20 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 10:49:41 AM EST
The president, not the cat.


[ Parent ]
Simpler than that. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #5 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 07:36:36 AM EST
Approach from victim's rear, front of victim's throat in the crook of your elbow, bring that hand up past victim's opposite ear, hook your opposite elbow around the choking arm's wrist and grasp victim's neck with your free hand.

Squeeze until done.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
Well, That's Not Half So Sexy, Is It? by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 2) #6 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 07:42:26 AM EST
Guess I'm happy I avoided if after all.

And to think, off of Sassy's description, I was about to dare her to try it. Thanks, Ammo.

[ Parent ]
+1, Refers to Sasquatchan as "Sassy" by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 4) #8 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 09:14:30 AM EST

And, thusly, needs to be encouraged.

Golf clap goes here.

You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Dear sir, by Awakened Dreamer (2.00 / 0) #24 Tue Feb 28, 2006 at 04:07:57 AM EST

This is called a rear-naked choke. I knew I knew what this was, but had to hit my DVDs to find the name.

[ Parent ]
this is called a figure 4. by garlic (2.00 / 0) #10 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 09:29:15 AM EST
from what it looks like with the leg extended.

[ Parent ]
well, by sasquatchan (2.00 / 0) #16 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 10:25:09 AM EST
I'm no martial arts guy. It's something the commentators talk about during a fight, and I saw one guy last night win via a "triangle choke" so I described to Mr CRWM what I saw.

The internet has plenty of illustrations and pictures of it, and it seems to vary a bit from site to site. But, the general idea is still the same -- a chokehold using the thighs to bind, and the ankle of one leg behind the knee of the other to form the triangle (via the calf). Direction of opponents face and whether you have their arm trapped in it or not tend to vary.

[ Parent ]
I Asked by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 2) #17 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 10:35:23 AM EST
And your pretty close. The triangle hold she's thinking of is a leg hold thing. Basically she would trap my head between her legs, bend one knee, hook the foot under her knee, and, using her legs and her two hands, choke me until my head popped off.

She actually explained how she could do it even if I was standing up, minding my own business. So now I live in fear that I'll just be handing her some report, and, next thing I know, I've suddenly got just two nanoseconds to figure out that what I'm looking at is a small stain on her lap from her lunch salad and then I die.

[ Parent ]
what I wanna know is by Kellnerin (2.00 / 0) #21 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 11:29:09 AM EST
What someone with those skills is doing working on or near Wall St. Or maybe that's actually a prerequisite for the job, which might explain why my investment banker friend from college, who is not nearly so kickass, ended up in the Insurance division instead of M&A. Not enough experience in bare-handed death-dealing.

More importantly, though, I wanted to comment on how all-around shitty the practice of A sending an email to B, cc:ed to C, suggesting that B ask C to do task X is. It's a convoluted sort of manipulation that faintly pretends that A isn't directly pulling all the strings, while it is at the same time completely transparent that no one else in the exchange has any power whatsoever. Wouldn't it have been easier all around if it'd gone like this:

From: PtB fragment 4
Sent: Friday, February 24, 2006 3:38 PM
To: CRwM
Cc: Joan
Subject: projections

CRwM, why don't you put all the new reports into an account for Joan so she can do some stuff. Joan, if CRwM doesn't help you out with what you need, go ahead and snap his head off. Use technique Alpha 4 from last week's seminar.


From: CRwM
Sent: Friday, February 24, 2006 3:39 PM
To: PtB fragment 4; Joan
Subject: RE: projections

I'll get right on it.

Also, how do you finally get around to asking Joan what she meant by a triangle choke? Did it start with "hey, can you settle a bet for me? See, sassy says ..."

I ate a hegel for breakfast. --mrgoat
Things without which, death. --ana
[ Parent ]
The Cube-de-Sac's Bare-Hands Killer by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 2) #22 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 11:55:31 AM EST
Joan's been doing this martial arts stuff since she was like six. Every now and then, she'll saunter into the office looking like the sole female member of the Fight Club. She'll have spent the weekend at some multi-art tourney thing, kicking the crap out of folk and getting whacked about. In the haze of post-head trauma euphoria, she'll talk wistfully about how someday she's going to quit the rat race and make beating and getting beat up a permanent, full-time thing.

My understanding is she's something like the third-ranked ass-whipper in the women's division of whatever particular brand of brutality she specializes in. She's quite intense about it.

She is, hands down, the toughest person in this whole fucking office. Robin is the sole person who has ever suggested they think they stand a chance in a fair fight with Joan, and we feel this is just further proof that Robin is a complete moron.

I asked her by walking up and saying, "Hey, Joan, what's a triangle choke?"

She responded with, "Why? Did I say I was going to put you in one?"

"No. The opposite. You said you'd never put me in a triangle choke."

[ Parent ]
I'd like to make an analogy by webwench (4.00 / 3) #3 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 07:34:34 AM EST
that relates trains to HuSi, and train cars to diaries, and ranters to diary authors, but I'm just witless enough to be unable to do it entertainingly. So there you go.

"What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?"

That was the analogy I was about to make. by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #23 Tue Feb 28, 2006 at 03:34:28 AM EST
Very humourously.

But it seems you've spoilt the joke.

[ Parent ]
It's the god damned triangle choke. by Awakened Dreamer (2.00 / 0) #7 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 09:07:06 AM EST

There's two variations I know of. One would leave you staring at her chest, the other would leave you staring at her crotch. Either one would have you passing out if popperly applied long before you could fully enjoy it.

The arm-bar triangle choke described by someone above doesn't really get the name triangle choke in many circles these days. Though it occurs to me that I haven't heard it called anything short of "choking him out" in a long, LONG time.

crotch version by garlic (2.00 / 0) #11 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 09:31:30 AM EST
what sassy described is what we called a figure 4 in folk style (ie 'real') wrestling. Is it also called a triangle choke?

[ Parent ]
Uh, what? by Awakened Dreamer (2.00 / 0) #12 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 09:38:40 AM EST

I thought a figure four is a leg to leg move. You lock your oponent's legs with yours and use yours as a pry-bar to push their knee towards bending sideways/backwards. It really can rip up a knee if you pull too hard on it.

The triangle choke as described above is pretty close to the same figure four move, just with the neck inserted into the cross-leg, instead of the knee, and using an opponent's arm (or whatever else you can get leverage on) as the pry-point.

[ Parent ]
Well, hell. by Awakened Dreamer (2.00 / 0) #14 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 09:40:32 AM EST

In looking up images it looks like there's also a back-of-the-leg triangle choke move where you pull the oponent's arm with your arms upwards while forcing their neck into the crook of the knee.

I'm thinking there's approximately seven-hundred moves all called "triangle choke" at this point.

[ Parent ]
Seems She Was Thinking of the Crotch Version by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #18 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 10:40:15 AM EST
It is a Brazilian jiu-jistu move, she says.

[ Parent ]
actually by 256 (4.00 / 2) #9 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 09:17:41 AM EST
i suspect that ranters are the only people that other ranters see as human beings and therefore keep quiet in their presence, not wanting to look crazy.
I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni
Perhaps They're the Only Ones . . . by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 1) #15 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 09:40:45 AM EST
Who understand what other ranters are saying, so they're quietly and attentively listening.

They're watching and thinking, "Radio in the head? Fascinating. Masonic spies with steak and eggs?  Of course. Do go on."

[ Parent ]
Just watch "Comic Book, the movie" by calla (4.00 / 1) #13 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 09:40:12 AM EST
to make up for missing the comic book convention.

I think... by NoMoreNicksLeft (4.00 / 1) #19 Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 10:40:23 AM EST
That their mind rays betray the presence of another ranter nearby. If Ranter B gets without 1500 yds of Ranter A, he starts picking up a psychic vibe, and wanders off in another direction.

Alternatively, if you think that this explanation is absurd, you can substitute for a more scientifically acceptable signal, such as "odor of stale urine and Thunderbird vomit".
Do not look directly into laser with remaining good eye.

For Somebody So Easy Going, You Sure Wear Pants a Lot | 24 comments (24 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback