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Wizards and Hobbits
By Bob Abooey (Fri Dec 29, 2006 at 08:55:56 AM EST) Happy New Year (all tags)
A Year in Review


Why don't we give out New Years cookies? Sure sure, everyone and their disabled brother goes around cramming baked candies down your throat before Christmas, but nobody gives cookie one for New Years. It actually makes more sense to give cookies for NY instead of Christmas as it's a well known fact that Jesus was not a pro-cookies kind of messiah, rather he preferred those little bunt-cake things.

Anyways, why is this important? Simply because I was hankering for a cookie this morning and the ol office is a cookie-free zone. A year old fruitcake crammed in the back of the fridge in the commissary was the closest I could come to a snack, and while eating some of it would likely be an interesting science experiment, I don't want to do it before a 3 DAY WEEKEND for reasons that need no further explanation.

Speaking of the weekend, why does everyone wait until lunchtime before calling me with inane questions??? Like they couldn't wait until 2:00 to find out the status of the Swertzenburgher project??? Fascist bastards.

Speaking of fascists, I got an email from a pal of mine who has been out of work for about 9 months. He got offered a .Net coding job with the local county court system which was rescinded a day later when they found he had been busted for marijuana possession back in 1996. The guy passed the drug test, and would let them test him every day if they wanted, but I guess you can't be an ex dope-smokin hippie and work for the county court system. I wonder where they draw the line. For instance I have been ticketed for speeding 6 times, do you think that would disqualify me? Bah, I guess the message is that you kids should be careful what you do as a retarded brain-dead youth, as it can stick with you for a long time.

Speaking of New Years, I'll be going to my buddy Marty Spaturelllia's NY-eve partay, which is usually pretty tame but still a good time. He cooks steak and lobster and has a crapload of eats so if nothing else his party's tend to attract a lot of fat people, but fat people tend to be bubbly with good personalities (to make up for their lack of physical attractiveness) so there is usually lots of good conversation to be had.

Speaking of Apple - Apple Stock Options - they just work!!! BWUAHAHHA! See you in Hell Mr. Jobs! BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Right. That concludes the final B.A.D. blog for 2006. May Jesus keep you safe in the palm of his hand for 2007!

< Pseudo-Bread | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
I'm a man who doesn't know how to sell a contradiction. | 11 comments (11 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
So when's the 2006 BABLM top 10 by sasquatchan (2.00 / 0) #1 Fri Dec 29, 2006 at 09:02:15 AM EST
list coming out, bob.. We need a good wrapup of the key lunch events of the year.

Rumor has it, for many govt jobs, a drug conviction is a big no-no. Didn't Busch sign into law something about no college aide to folks if they have a drug conviction on their record ? Meh, do something dumb and it'll stick with you. Good incentive not to do anything dumb, I guess.

And you're raiding the work fridge?  Vile infidel, you'll be with Mr. Jobs.

Of course, didn't Jobs work for 3-4 years w/o pay ? Makes you wonder where his $$ was coming from, and kinda makes sense now..

The BALM is soooo 2005 by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #3 Fri Dec 29, 2006 at 10:16:15 AM EST
Possession of some marijuana 10 years ago shouldn't stop you from getting some codemonkey job, that's just silly.

re1: - It would be ironic that ol Bush would sign something like that into law given his past. Bah... we're such a bunch of hype-o-crits in this here country.

re2: - The fridge is pretty much fair game unless it's something that is in a sack or lunch box. If you put it in there it's just like saying "HERE YA GO!" At least that's my understanding.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

[ Parent ]
Now Bob, Bush was never convicted of a drug crime by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #5 Fri Dec 29, 2006 at 10:18:44 AM EST
and hearsay and rumor isn't admissible.


[ Parent ]
Ah of course by Vulch (2.00 / 0) #8 Fri Dec 29, 2006 at 10:57:16 AM EST

Alcohol isn't a drug...

[ Parent ]
Jesus, bunt cake, etc by johnny (2.00 / 0) #2 Fri Dec 29, 2006 at 09:13:43 AM EST
If Jesus holds me in the palm of his hand, and if Jesus likes bunt cake, what are the odds I end up getting smooshed into some really good-tasting sweet matrix-- or even, in a kind of a perumtated communion kind of thing, EATEN by HIS HOLY LORDSHIP???

Speaking of bunt cake, there's a joke in there for somebody clever enough to make it.  I'm not going to go through the exercise, but here's the template:

Q: What's the difference between a magician's show and a Las Vegas chorus line?
A: Well, a magician's show is a cunning array of stunts. . .

She has effectively checked out. She's an un-person of her own making. So it falls to me.--ad hoc (in the hole)

There's probably worse ways to go by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #6 Fri Dec 29, 2006 at 10:33:43 AM EST
Getting gummed to death by gaggle of elderly folks residing at the local Retirement Home, for instance.

I'm not touching the Jesus bunt-cake joke, I've got my standards to adhere to you know.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

[ Parent ]
Or getting one's head lopped off by Cortez's by johnny (2.00 / 0) #9 Fri Dec 29, 2006 at 12:49:24 PM EST
razor-sharp cutlas.  That has happened to me more times than I can count.

She has effectively checked out. She's an un-person of her own making. So it falls to me.--ad hoc (in the hole)
[ Parent ]
Don't party too much Bob by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #4 Fri Dec 29, 2006 at 10:16:59 AM EST
You want a clear head when you cheer the Buckeyes onto victory on New Year's Day.


New Years Day??? by Bob Abooey (2.00 / 0) #7 Fri Dec 29, 2006 at 10:37:54 AM EST
Only loooooosers play on NY's day. BWUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

[ Parent ]
Just one bust? by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #10 Fri Dec 29, 2006 at 02:14:52 PM EST
Sounds like your friend was a lifer.

--
Blizzard of Death '06
"can't be an ex dope-smokin hippie by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #11 Sat Dec 30, 2006 at 04:04:03 AM EST
and work for the county court system."

Due to certain youthful indiscretions, mainly involving large amounts of dope, blow, acid, and other stuff (I could've put spiralx under the table back in the day) (oh, and booze doesn't count, but I drank lots, too) I can never work a Federal law enforcement contract. Ever. Probably not State or Local either. The Department of Defense has no problem with it, however. DoD, being filled with military types who've seen plenty of idiotic teenagers and early twentysomethings, is more understanding of youthful stupidities.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

I'm a man who doesn't know how to sell a contradiction. | 11 comments (11 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback