1 whole egg
1 egg yoke
2 tsp dried mustard
2 tbsp white wine vinegar
2 tbsp fresh lemon juice
2 cups oil - canola in this case.
1 tsp salt

Combine all but the oil in your food processor and pulsate a few times.  Mix in the oil slowly until creamy.  Let stand at room temperature for 2 hours before refrigerating.  See also: here

Note: Yes, this uses raw eggs - educate yourself about raw eggs and decide for yourself, they do make pasteurized eggs that work just like the raw ones.

Ranch Dressing

Take 1/2 cup of said fresh mayo plus:

• 1/2 cup of buttermilk (use the rest for pancakes next morning)
• 6 tbsp of sour cream. 
• fresh garlic (minced finely), cilantro and parsley - about a tablespoon or so each. 
• A hint of dill
• About a tablespoon of chopped mild onions like shallots.
• Fresh ground pepper. 

Serve on nothing more than torn red lettuce and top with fresh ground pepper.

The main course

• 2 Dinner Sausages of some variety, sliced & cooked on cast iron.  Spicy is better (think andouille).
• 1 onion, diced (I'd probably use a red onion for this)
• 3 to 6 cloves garlic.
• 6 to 10 diced olives - think Kalamata or anything with a strong flavor.  Do NOT get that tin-can crap or this dish would really suck; good olives make this dish.
• 2 or 3 tablespoons of rinsed capers.
• 2 tbsp of good quality extra virgin olive oil.
• 1 tsp of crushed red pepper.  More if you like it spicy - dont be shy, this dish is supposed to be strong as hell.  Tabasco can be added too.
• 2 or 3 tablespoons of FRESH parsley (I prefer the "non-Italian" kind for this dish).  Again, fresh is key here as this too makes the dish.
• 1/4 -> 1/2 cup drinkable, dry white wine.
• Fresh grated Parmesan.  None of that tube crap, that stuff ain't cheese okay?
• 3/4 box of penne pasta, al dente.

Route A
This route uses tomatoes and wine to counter the olives, capers & red peppers.

• Toss one of those large cans of crushed tomatoes (use good ones in the $3->$4/can range - it really does make a difference vs those "hunts" brand things). 
• Add the wine to taste and simmer for a while to evaporate some of the liquid.

• Slice up a few of those party size lemons into semicircles.  Toss those bad boys into your pan (probably try to de-seed them first).
• Open up a small can of tomato paste and keep adding by the teaspoon full until you are happy with the consistency, which should be pretty firm.   I actually used some frozen marinara sauce I made earlier; just scraped off frozen bits until I was happy. 
• Add some wine, but probably not as much as in route A.  I prefer this route to be a thicker almost paste like sauce.
• Before tossing in the pasta, you might try to pick out the lemon rinds.  I've also tried just adding the lemon juice.

• Add in your parsley and let simmer for a minute or so.
• Toss in the crushed red pepper, olives and capers.
• Adjust spice & salt to taste.
• Once the olives are warmed, combine with your penne noodles and toss in some olive oil if needed.  In Route A, I'd probably under cook the noodles by about 30->60 seconds and let the extra moisture from the sauce do the rest of the work.
• Serve liberally topped with Parmesan cheese and a few sprigs of parsley.