Print Story wfc4 post mortem
Diary
By Merekat (Mon Nov 06, 2006 at 12:51:42 AM EST) (all tags)
Where mortem is indeed apt for it did die not even a flaming and spectacular death, just a slow and rather meh-ish one.

And yes, I thought it was flawed too.
Books of Lost Stories, in case you were wondering.



Responding to the feedback:

* toxicfur - I think this was a larger idea that could've been better developed. The recognition of the change in priorities could've been made more compelling if we'd been shown rather than just told.

I agree completely. I hit on the big problem that if you only really have one character on stage, things end up prone to being told.

* fleece - the thousand words you didn't use might have helped me care about Jo.

This is tricky. I didn't really want people to care about Jo. The roots were a diary someone wrote about paying attention to the past being bad which riled a few people. A character who wants to get rid of their past like Jo does shouldn't be sympathetic. However, I should have used the extra 1000 words to show that, except I didn't like any of 'em.

* 2 plus 3 equals 5 - Interesting idea, but the text is dense.  The ideas can be pulled apart and shown, rather than gien an academic description.

Yup. The one person on stage problem. I find it much easier to show if there's another pair of eyes around. That's what has killed my first nano attempt already.

* persimmon - This is about archived bad writing, not sex.

Actually the only comment I'd disagree with though I can see given the poor execution why it was said. Sex is there as a life experience that is given too much importance when a teenager - more than it can possibly carry. Jo should not have used it as an excuse to avoid the risk of actually finishing something but she did it then and she keeps avoiding it now, refusing to learn from her past. I'll agree it isn't the engine of the story, but it is an important hinge.

* Kellnerin - Meta story. Tricky. Execution seems hurried.

Yup. I got cocky, I tried too much. I got burned.

Thanks all for the feedback. For those interested, some of the ideas may well turn up in my nano, but access to that is going to be restricted due to possible sensitivity issues. Drop a note if you want access (haven't set it up yet).

< Fabric | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
wfc4 post mortem | 9 comments (9 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
I don't have any insightful feedback. by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #1 Mon Nov 06, 2006 at 04:54:21 AM EST
I did enjoy the story, but what I really wanted to say is that I think your WFCs get better each time. My own kinda go up and down the quality scale, but yours just keep getting better.

I loved the banal creepy apathy of the phrase "conceived in a gap between business trips before the marriage ended." It gets how easy it has become to let the crucial decay without resorting to purple prose.

Anyway, for what it is worth, I think your stuff is excellent.

why thank you! by Merekat (2.00 / 0) #2 Mon Nov 06, 2006 at 06:11:52 AM EST
But this time I think I definitely misjudged the competence-concept gap.

The sentence you picked is actually one of two bits I liked. The other is about the sound of pages covered in biro.

[ Parent ]
What he said by 2 plus 3 equals 5 (2.00 / 0) #4 Mon Nov 06, 2006 at 09:05:09 AM EST
That is a great line, and sometimes I'm happy if I get one really good line out of a thousand words.

I also liked how your narrator attempted to copy styles in the written descriptions of sex when she finally gets there.


-- Do the math.

[ Parent ]
I liked this story by ana (2.00 / 0) #3 Mon Nov 06, 2006 at 07:02:32 AM EST
a lot. Could have done more with the idea, of course, so I'm glad you're re-using it in your nano.

Regular, or decaf abomination? --Kellnerin

I thought the story by Kellnerin (2.00 / 0) #5 Mon Nov 06, 2006 at 12:42:15 PM EST
was right on the edge of nailing it, actually. Unfortunately getting over that threshold may be an instance of the 90/10 rule. Ten percent of the effort gets you close, the rest is flailing around until you realize what does do the trick.

Also, given the evidence of my WFC3 story and this one, it seems that clearing-out-the-parents'-house is not a winning approach. Although I liked what you did with that part as well as the overall concept.

Glad that you are revisiting it for NaNo. May I subscribe to your newsletter?

--
"If we build it, will they come, and what will they do when they get here?" -- iGrrrl

No problem by Merekat (2.00 / 0) #7 Tue Nov 07, 2006 at 03:14:15 AM EST
I'll put it up somewhere when I get to about 5k words, so there's something to chew on and so I don't get distracted with setting up CMS software instead of writing.

[ Parent ]
take your time by Kellnerin (2.00 / 0) #8 Tue Nov 07, 2006 at 04:36:50 AM EST
Write first, post later. Setting up a web site even if you already have one is a dangerous "ooh, shiny!" distraction.

--
"If we build it, will they come, and what will they do when they get here?" -- iGrrrl
[ Parent ]
so true by Merekat (2.00 / 0) #9 Tue Nov 07, 2006 at 05:20:14 AM EST
Plus I have a whole server so the possibilities for procrastination are endless.

[ Parent ]
One character: by toxicfur (2.00 / 0) #6 Mon Nov 06, 2006 at 03:33:23 PM EST
I've found I can't do it, really. Some people are very, very good at getting in the head of one character and creating a vivid story, but I think that it's tricky. With your story, though, like I said before, I really liked the concept, and I felt that the character's voice really came through. It just seemed to be missing something indefinable.

Good luck with the NaNo!
-----
inspiritation: the effect of irritating someone so much it inspires them to do something about it. --BuggEye

wfc4 post mortem | 9 comments (9 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback