* toxicfur - I think this was a larger idea that could've been better developed. The recognition of the change in priorities could've been made more compelling if we'd been shown rather than just told.
I agree completely. I hit on the big problem that if you only really have one character on stage, things end up prone to being told.
* fleece - the thousand words you didn't use might have helped me care about Jo.
This is tricky. I didn't really want people to care about Jo. The roots were a diary someone wrote about paying attention to the past being bad which riled a few people. A character who wants to get rid of their past like Jo does shouldn't be sympathetic. However, I should have used the extra 1000 words to show that, except I didn't like any of 'em.
* 2 plus 3 equals 5 - Interesting idea, but the text is dense. The ideas can be pulled apart and shown, rather than gien an academic description.
Yup. The one person on stage problem. I find it much easier to show if there's another pair of eyes around. That's what has killed my first nano attempt already.
* persimmon - This is about archived bad writing, not sex.
Actually the only comment I'd disagree with though I can see given the poor execution why it was said. Sex is there as a life experience that is given too much importance when a teenager - more than it can possibly carry. Jo should not have used it as an excuse to avoid the risk of actually finishing something but she did it then and she keeps avoiding it now, refusing to learn from her past. I'll agree it isn't the engine of the story, but it is an important hinge.
* Kellnerin - Meta story. Tricky. Execution seems hurried.
Yup. I got cocky, I tried too much. I got burned.
Thanks all for the feedback. For those interested, some of the ideas may well turn up in my nano, but access to that is going to be restricted due to possible sensitivity issues. Drop a note if you want access (haven't set it up yet).
|< Fabric | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >|