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By 256 (Sun Nov 05, 2006 at 08:36:25 PM EST) (all tags)
i wrote counting down


i believe it was 2+3=5 who busted me. the two scenes don't go together.

the first portion i wrote almost as soon as the WFC was announced. i had an idea of where it was going, particularly the theme of finite time and there therefore being a last time for everything. particularly a protagonist so caught up in noticing each event pass that he is unable to live his life.

and sex seemed the perfect focal point for this sort of detachment.

yet, i had trouble making it all come together. in my conception, the story was four scenes long: 1. the opening scene at the prison gate with the protag and his mother 2. a second scene shortly thereafter, again with the protag and his mother, where we get a little bit of a deeper glimpse into what it means for him to fear death, particularly an observation that him and his mother are the same age, because everyone who is going to die is the same age 3. a scene of the protag interacting with his girlfriend in what outwardly seems a reasonable fashion, though we get an internal monologue, she said style, that shows the reader just how fucked up the protag's thought patterns are 4. the final scene wherein the protag becomes so paralysed that he is unable to act as everything good falls apart around him.

but i couldn't figure out the exact structure of the second scene and i couldn't decide if the third scene was necessary.

so what happened was: it was an hour before the deadline and i was drunk and i remembered hemingway saying that it was hard to go wrong by leaving things out and so i just wrote the final scene without really worrying about the middle. of course, that is a terrible mistake. you can only leave out the middle if you know the middle.

and so counting down failed.

ah well.

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a quick wfc postmortem | 5 comments (5 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
We should all be such failures. by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 1) #1 Mon Nov 06, 2006 at 04:47:48 AM EST
Though I know the public adoration means nothing to the true artist, your story bagged six votes. That's well into "front runner" territory. For a failure, it made a strong showing.

I think that by spacejack (2.00 / 0) #2 Mon Nov 06, 2006 at 04:51:17 AM EST
if you'd introduced the girlfriend, the story would've been an easier read. Otherwise you get hung up on who is this guy having sex with?

reasonable by 2 plus 3 equals 5 (2.00 / 0) #3 Mon Nov 06, 2006 at 08:27:15 AM EST
...i just wrote the final scene without really worrying about the middle. of course, that is a terrible mistake. you can only leave out the middle if you know the middle.

Yep.  That's what got me, and why it felt like two different stories, each of which was leading me (or came from) somewhere good.

-- Do the math.

I didn't think it was too disconnected by Kellnerin (2.00 / 0) #4 Mon Nov 06, 2006 at 12:30:58 PM EST
Because the narrator's sense of time runs strongly throughout. A bit more of the struggle to put that out of his mind and build a new (?) relationship would have been interesting and perhaps made the reader more invested in what was happening to him and made the loss of that relationship more poignant, but I think the essence was there.

--
"If we build it, will they come, and what will they do when they get here?" -- iGrrrl
This one... by toxicfur (2.00 / 0) #5 Mon Nov 06, 2006 at 03:30:08 PM EST
was one of my favorite stories (tied with Mont Blanc for favorite, actually), and I think it was the voice of the narrator and the fact that his obsession with time and mortality really resonated with me. Great job, with or without that connecting scene.
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inspiritation: the effect of irritating someone so much it inspires them to do something about it. --BuggEye
a quick wfc postmortem | 5 comments (5 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback