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Diary
By moonvine (Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 07:56:15 AM EST) (all tags)

Thanks to you guys for the well wishes for my dog.  So far, she is fine.  She has had a good thirteen year run so far.  And of course for that I am beyond thankful, grateful, and appreciative.


Considering her age, we would have much rather have had her go through the last of her golden years peacefully instead of having to deal with soon to come metastases of the lungs, and other organs that would leave her weak, helpless, and in excruciating discomfort and pain.


Right now she is recovering nicely from her recent surgery. She is back on her feet acting extremely playful and cheerful, and back to tormenting my cats as is her usual fare.She is precious.


And so it goes.



And outside of this, I have thanks to give.


Looking back on everything that I had ever written back in the K5 days or even here, I do not feel as suspended from all of it as I had at one point. What a few years it has been. Indeed.


I am not sure if I communicated this at all, but I quit smoking three years ago, and during that time, I quit the opposite sex as well. And what it has taught me. Yes, indeed. An incredible fast. I can be alone. Self sufficient, emotionally independent, and free to explore my recess as much as my heart desires. A deep experience in relating, in itself.


As some of you know, I went through a lot of intense pain these past eight years. The remnants of my toxic love affair with a tormented soul, and my encounter with the highly profane, mundane, and very miserable experience with the outside world of work and commerce both came at me like a crack deal gone south. Both of which I was not even remotely ready or willing for- but maybe I was? Who can tell. It was an excruciatingly painful time. Still, I survived both of these traumas unbeaten and unscathed. Who can keep this inchworm down? No one. Go ahead and try. I know what I want, and my dream  waits for me in the horizon past the bend...


My resignation letter in February was the first day I stepped away from the stupor of my angst ridden spiritual depression and back into what was once the empty shell of my loving, independent, recklessly charming happy go lucky self. Welcome me back, as I stare at the reflection in the mirror.


I feel as I am once again in bloom. I can take on anything. Everything about me has changed. Yet I remain the same. Oh great year, I give thanks. I am happy to have waded into myself for so long in bitterness, in darkness, in pure unhappiness, and I am happy to have lived it all as authentically as I possibly could have, for now, no bitterness remains, my unhappiness and forlornness, has all but vanished. How is this even possible?


I am thankful for my friends, my kindred spirits, my buddies here online that have loved me and my words since the beginning days. I have so much thanks to give.


And with love, how long have I fasted! And now, the mornings break fast, how sweet it tastes. Whatever this sweetness that has found me yet again is, I would wish and pray that it passes on to all of you, and everyone that surrounds me. This light is yours for the taking. To spread it and not to feel too thin or overwhelmed, but what a blessing.


You may wonder if I haven't fallen in love already. I have not. Fallen. For whatever I have learnt, discovered, I can never fall again. I will walk, glide, skip happily through love. I am walking. I am gliding. I am surrounded, wrapped, shawled in love. And this, not one person, but several. Grace. I am alive once more.

< Re-unclified | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
Breakfast. | 9 comments (9 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Glad to hear... by ana (4.00 / 1) #1 Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 09:57:48 AM EST
the dog's doing well. And you, of course. :-)

Regular, or decaf abomination? --Kellnerin

much love by Kellnerin (4.00 / 1) #2 Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 11:10:00 AM EST
to you and Zorbi. moonvine, you are so wonderfully oblique it makes my relatively private self look like -- not an open book, that is too obvious. Like a thousand-watt DiamondVision billboard. You swoop through here and release this vibe, and even your confessions are a mystery. Please, come by and do this more often :)

--
"If we build it, will they come, and what will they do when they get here?" -- iGrrrl
I have to say that by moonvine (4.00 / 1) #7 Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 10:50:21 AM EST
you have always had a way with your craft of words that continue to make my spirit soar. To say it was a compliment would be too crass. To say thank you is not enough. And how private we are, we two! So open to our veils...

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VS2FP by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #3 Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 02:11:22 AM EST


Thanks =) by moonvine (2.00 / 0) #6 Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 10:46:58 AM EST


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Oh you by blixco (4.00 / 1) #4 Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 04:51:05 AM EST
beautiful thing.  There ain't enough glory in the world.

But you may change that.
---------------------------------
I accidentally had a conversation in italian at lunchtime. I don't speak italian. - Merekat

For you, Blixy, by moonvine (4.00 / 1) #8 Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 10:51:26 AM EST
I am content to have shared all of this. Oh you sweet and dear friend!

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Fasting. by muchagecko (4.00 / 1) #5 Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 03:20:14 PM EST
There is much power in not doing things. Strength.

Don't go over the cliff with this power and take yourself out of the game for too long. I have several friends who pulled out and haven't gotten back in. They're out for good.

It's good to know that you recognize our love for you. Thank you for being here for us.

The only people to get even with are those that have helped you.

In the marketplace by moonvine (4.00 / 1) #9 Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 10:58:03 AM EST
but not drowning or unhappily submerged. I hear your advice loud and clear, darling muchagecko! And thanks for this advice.


As tempting as the bears are in the caves of the forest, far, far, far, away from the profanity of common daily living, I am much too much interested in men other people to daydream my life away for too long... and I am not alone :) Thank you for allowing me my gratitude. 

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Breakfast. | 9 comments (9 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback