Print Story "hooray for toxic sticky goo!"
MissTrish and i cheered friday.
the number of airborne flies was approaching zero. there were still a few clustered about the cat's dish and the computer monitor. but we no longer felt like god himself did in timothy findley's "not wanted on the voyage"

"i think that it is actually non toxic."
our delight had turned to suspicion, we eyed the flypaper traps with less adulation than before.
"but how do they kill the flies?"
"oh dear god, that's fucking horrible."
yes, they were all still twitching.

inside- everyone's favourite Popsicle mantra:
"maggots are cute because they are tiny"

i think ncmt was actually trying to reassure our tree-hugging crunchy granola tendencies. but we were actually reading and re-reading the packages, hoping (praying) for some pyrethrins, a pcp control act number, some malathion, some complex hydrocarbon, some sevin, a polycholro-something, DDT, -anything that would ensure a quick poisoning of the poor dipteran pests.
all our peace loving hippie organic fare trade lifestyle choices were based on a desire to cause as little suffering as possible to the organisms we shared our environment with. if we had to kill all the flies, we wished them rapid and painless deaths. adhesion to a flypaper strip by one or more limbs and hours and hours of desperate flailing before starvation was not our aim. nontoxic, safe, environmentally friendly sticky goo was actually the worst thing we could think of for our neighbour flies.

"but we have to get rid of the flies"

i agreed, in theory, but i would not support the non-toxic glue traps. i didn't have a better idea. the fly agarics, common toxic mushrooms could be sliced and placed in sweetened milk to poison flies. alas, the beautiful red amonitas were not anywhere to be found. a coward like pilate i washed my hands of the sticky trap plan and left for the weekend.

i vowed upon my return to solve the problem from the source, clearly there must be something that the flies are coming from. i would find it and eliminate the maggots. then the flies would be gone. i could not take 256's zen approach. he simply waited, knowing that the life cycles of the common housefly would be over in 2 - 3 weeks when the first killing frosts came.

the recycling, the garbage, the animals in the menagerie, KT, the compost, the cat's frequent gifts of dead or dying vermin, the fridge, and the cat's wet food were all ruled out as sources for fly breeding. i thought that maybe there was maybe some gross scunge behind the kitchen computer since they seemed to collect around the monitor. but none was found. perhaps it's our constant sink full of dishes, with 7 regulars and a constant stream of guests it fills up as soon as it empties.

today i decided to wash the dishes, clean out the drains with borax and boiling water, and make a decree that any dish used must be washed and put away immediately for the next 48 hours to try and eliminate the flies.

alas, i solved the mystery of the breeding ground very quickly, and did not get to wash or issue my royal decree.

it was the dish rack.

oh my sweet lord, they were all living under the dish rack.

maggots are cute because they are tiny.
maggots are cute because they are tiny.
maggots are cute because they are tiny.
maggots are cute because they are tiny.
maggots are cute, because they are tiny.
maggots are cute because they are tiny...

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"hooray for toxic sticky goo!" | 16 comments (16 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
You have to be a chordate to get my sympathy by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #1 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 04:45:28 AM EST
and even then I have few qualms about eating chordates.

Your vigor for spine-based life nauseates me by misslake (2.00 / 0) #3 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 05:19:55 AM EST
Ode to the Shack by MissTrish (4.00 / 3) #2 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 04:52:49 AM EST
Punk rock blares, keeping us up 'til 2 am
Friends crash on the floor; we don't lock the door
Drugs flow like wine, wine that flows like rum
Sex in the living room; sex in our bedrooms
Sex in the bathroom; sex on the porch

First came the people, with our food and our pets
Then came the moths, to live off the rest
We killed them with traps and plastic wrap
Then come the flies, to drive us insane
We keep trying to kill 'em, but we aint' humane

O! Shawshack! We do our damn best!
But we're hippy punk slobs, can't keep up with the mess
Once a week we scrub you down, make our girl shine
And it's back to the drugs, rum, and the wine
All to forget the mantra that scares us from eating:

Maggots are cute because they are tiny!

I am not a poet. Dammit if I don't know it

ypu're a chair
I think I speak for many of us when I say.. by motty (2.00 / 0) #4 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 05:33:59 AM EST

I amd itn ecaptiaghle of drinking sthis d dar - Dr T
Maggots: by toxicfur (2.00 / 0) #5 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 05:36:40 AM EST
One of the few forms of life that truly disgust me on a visceral level. And I mean visceral literally, here: I generally begin dry heaving as soon as I see them, especially in any number. Flies, while annoying, don't really bother me. All manner of insects are generally left alone (except cockroaches, which I do try to kill quickly). But maggots. Urg. Once, in a depressed state, I left a pan filled with water in the sink. I think I'd made macaroni and cheese. A few days later, I went to wash the pan, and it was full of maggots. I threw the entire pan away.
The amount of suck that you can put up with can be mind-boggling, but it only really hits you when it then ceases to suck. -- Kellnerin
Obplspstpixkthx. by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #6 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 05:48:30 AM EST
Many years ago in college in one of my many basement apartments, the roaches all lived and bred (copiously) in a stack of place mats (never used by me -- thank ISG) on top of the refrigerator.

Drosera by Vulch (2.00 / 0) #7 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 05:58:06 AM EST

Also known as Sundews. Natures very own sticky flypaper, natural, organic and self reproducing. Easily reproducing in fact, most of my carnivorous plants share their pots with baby sundews...

cool! by misslake (2.00 / 0) #8 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 07:54:02 AM EST
where are you?
would it be a reasonable request to ask for a couple  of your babies?
i can assure you we can keep them well fed!

[ Parent ]
Trans-atlantic plants may be a problem by Vulch (2.00 / 0) #9 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 08:54:26 AM EST

Hmmm, looks like phytosanitary certificates are needed for plants coming into Canada, but seeds might be a possibility as they're easier to disguise. There's a couple of likely looking flower spikes, I'll see what I can get out of them when I've got a bit of daylight.

I'm in Cambridge, England...

[ Parent ]
and if you get some by LilFlightTest (2.00 / 0) #13 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 10:29:32 AM EST
seeds or otherwise, can you perhaps forward a few to me?
Dance On, Gir!
[ Parent ]
so I'm guessing by clover kicker (2.00 / 0) #10 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 09:26:14 AM EST
you aren't a fan of the sticky mouse traps, either?

I will beat you by MissTrish (4.00 / 2) #11 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 09:46:52 AM EST
Don't even mention it again, or I'll go all Harmony on your ass.

ypu're a chair
[ Parent ]
The only thing less humane than sticky traps... by toxicfur (4.00 / 2) #12 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 10:22:09 AM EST
is my cat. I generally remove mice via my hands and the door. My cat brings them in; I take them out again. Alive, if at all possible.
The amount of suck that you can put up with can be mind-boggling, but it only really hits you when it then ceases to suck. -- Kellnerin
[ Parent ]
+1 FP, mentions maggots . . . by slozo (2.00 / 0) #14 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 04:02:54 PM EST
. . . but I have a small commentary:

If one really embraces nature and the circle of life, then one also must embrace killing as part of that circle. Killing is a part of that cycle, and . . . ah , fuckit - it's a bloody FLY. Squish it, rip its wings off, torture it on sticky paper, trap it under a glass in the hot sun, burn it with a magnifying glass, drown it down the drain, gas it with Raid, half kill it with a weak hit of the flyswatter and let it crawl to its death - I don't care. It's a fly, and it deserves to die because you think it should.

i feel better now

amen, brother by misslake (2.00 / 0) #15 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 04:27:15 PM EST
while i try not to end up killing anything, when i have deemed that all other options are untenable and an other has to die, i try and make it a swift and painless death. even an easy and happy death if possible (setting out saucers of beer for the slugs to drown themselves drunk in, or our pheremone bated grain moth traps wherein the moths become so stupefied by the sexy sexy scent that they just don't ever fly out again.)
i'm against cruelty and torture.
i'm willing to share my home with mice, rats, bats, racoons etc. as long as they inhabit the parts of the house i don't, like the walls, eaves, floor boards and other nooks and crannies. 
i don't mind a few flies, but it was really really getting hard to walk into the kitchen, the swarm of buzzing insects was so thick as to be difficult to pass through. so we needed to reclaim our kitchen. tidying up, putting the compost outside and leaving the windows open didnt' seem to draw them away. had i known that the flypaper was cruel i wouldn't have used it. but once i found out, it was too late for many little flies, and i had no immediate and kinder solution.

[ Parent ]
But I still don't get . . . by slozo (2.00 / 0) #16 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 04:36:39 PM EST
. . . the "kinder killing" of insects, just so you know. We will discuss this in detail at some later date I'm sure . . .

[ Parent ]
"hooray for toxic sticky goo!" | 16 comments (16 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback