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Open Before 10/13/08 or prepare to be overwrought with bacteria and a general feeling of discontent.



I know HuSi is now officially boring, but I'm putting this here anyway since I don't really have anywhere else to put it... which I guess makes you all my default girlfriend? All like.. "Hey, I'm going to stick this in here because there's no other options.. hope you don't mind.. stop crying."

I have decided I like the way veins look. Not those creepy puffy veins you see under the thin onion-skin of the elderly, but just a little blue line beneath the lily-white skin of a lass.. a hint of life; vibrant and temporary. I realize this makes me sound like either a vampire or a racist... but man.. there's lots of other qualities I like.. so you know.. relax. Damn.. can't say anything anymore without people getting all up in my grill.

Ah October, how do I love thee? Let me flaunt the ways.

October reminds me that there are things about this town I truly do love. Just when I'm getting all surly and old (seriously I think I found another gray hair), October creeps up behind me gently caressing my neck and whispering "Baby baby, it's gonna be okay." And there, amongst the explosion of colour and the cool, wet breeze I crumble and bend to her will and become a puddle of myself. And there I weep. I weep for all things joyous and otherwise. Oh October, I do I do love you and though I know I will see you shimmy away too too soon your infallible ship will sail back my way again right when I need you. Now kiss me October; kiss me while we still have time.

Speaking of which, driving into work this morning and brakes that are failing (which is quite an exciting experience let me tell you... if they fail fully I am aiming for a school bus. Sooo.. if you're reading this and your kids go to those upper middle class schools in West County... pray to whatever deity you believe in that my brakes continue to work. Hiya!), I pressed the pedal racing against the globe's own force. That damned star peeking over the horizon to prod my rear view (heh) mirror with eye blinding rays. But lo, there upon the sky, stretched and withered like old cotton candy drying in the August sun were stringy Cirrus clouds. And as I crested the Missouri river, amongst the low-lying cliffs along the shore were the mists of Autumn; floating, clinging to the canopy of trees so one could almost believe it was the darkest heart of the jungle.

Anyway, it made coming into work a little more bearable is all I am saying. (That is all I am saying. I'm just saying is all. All is sayings, I am just.)

You know, it's a shame that only suicides get the option to write final goodbye notes. I mean, if I get hit by a bus (or punch into one at top speed with brakes that no longer work), I will have nothing but whatever I last wrote left behind as a parting thought. In my case this could be good or bad, as there are a couple words I've strung together that I wouldn't mind being such, however, quite a few of them would be a terrible affair. With my luck it would be something like "Pianist In a Cup". Hell I think it's almost destined to be so. In an effort to circumventrilocutionate this, I shall now pen an "In the Event of my (Un)Timely Death" letter.. which is like a "Dear John" letter, but involves only one person really. So, in case of my death, read below, but clearly not before.

Dear $SO/$Family Member/$Police Officer/President Chandrika Bandaranaike Kumaratunga of Sri Lanka, Hi there! You may be wondering why I am lying in a pool of my own blood/hanging with a face like a blueberry/on fire/in pieces. Well let me tell you, at the point I write this, so am I. Regardless, there is one thing I can say about it: Sorry to give you nightmares.

Well, that's a lie... I'm not really sorry. I'm dead. I can't be. But, if I can be anything I'm retroactively apologetic... well kind of. Anyway, take comfort in the fact that whatever horror you're experiencing at this very moment is a mere shadow of a thing to what I would've liked to inflict upon you. I know this isn't really a comfort but it's something. Also if I still have pockets you can rifle through them for change. I don't usually keep change and I can't see myself really doing so in the future, but you may find a ridiculously expensive electronic device if you're lucky and don't mind cleaning blood/innards/the tears of schoolchildren off of it.

Anyway, thanks for finding me. Don't tell anyone about the birthmark you found or this message will self-destruct with some half-crazed hantavirus, causing you to melt and dribble bits of you all over the carpet that shouldn't normally so do. I'm just saying.

Posthumourously,
-Q

----END NOTE----

Or barring that you can imagine it done in a Penthouse forum fashion. Just make sure that it states I was suffocated under so many Ladies. So... very... many.

Oh and it should start with the line "I never thought it would happen to me..."

Actually.. damn that sounds pretty good... if I make it to retirement age I just might hire like.. 60 nubile lasses and order a pile on. Mmm... pylons.

What the fuck? I should get back to pretending to work. See ya.

-Q

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Lead Asbestos | 18 comments (18 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
In Texas we have many hobbies by theboz (4.00 / 1) #1 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 05:14:15 AM EST
Football, horseback riding, swimming, rape, and table tennis.
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That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
All my excess lives in Texass by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #2 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 05:21:40 AM EST
After having to support Texas developers for a while I can safely say that the world would be a much better place if that whole damned state was blown off the map.

I mean I've met some great people from there, but not enough to make up for the rest (or for my time in Dallas).

Regardless, I would like to subscribe to your newsletter, but I don't need YARWIAOTNFL. (Yet another reason why I am on the no fly list)

-Q
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All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way.

[ Parent ]
I agree by theboz (4.00 / 1) #5 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 06:07:40 AM EST
After having to support Texas developers for a while I can safely say that the world would be a much better place if that whole damned state was blown off the map.
If everyone in Texas were given head, I think the world would be a much better place. As it stands, there are people working on that right now. The most notable one is a lady named "Debbie."
I mean I've met some great people from there, but not enough to make up for the rest (or for my time in Dallas).
I'm not a big fan of Dallas either. I'm much happier here in Houston, and would also probably be ok with Austin or San Antonio. At least it's not Amarillo though.
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That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
[ Parent ]
Godspeed Debbie by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #6 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 06:21:52 AM EST
know that we're all behind you... or in front as the case were.

Having never been to Amarillo (an opening for a sentence I only expected to use maybe once or twice in my life but am finding it surprisingly frequent), I cannot say I would know, but I will agree based solely upon your good judgement.

-Q
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All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way.

[ Parent ]
October is a sacred month... by superdiva (4.00 / 1) #3 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 05:28:59 AM EST
Libras rule.

RE: Consumer Whoredom...

The archaic model of my cellphone makes me the laughing stock of my family and friends.  They all have phones that take pictures, surf the web, play video and mp3s, etc.  My phone doesn't even have a fliptop. I do have an mp3 player with 256MB and plays 40 songs which is just enough songs for me to run laps or kickbox for an hour.  Nevertheless, my sister's new phone has a Scrabble game you play with a stylus, so I may get myself a nice birthday present and buy a new phone.  I'll probably procrastinate on this because it will entail research which I can't fuckall be bothered with.

RE: Other Writing

I would ask about Panther Jack but I guess it should be self-evident to me that if the story's not in your diary you'll get to it eventually.  I'm going to bother you about it anyway, fucker. ;P

_________________________________________________
Psych-E.org

The 10th Month by MisterQueue (4.00 / 1) #4 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 05:34:20 AM EST
Libras Nothing, Scorpios 4Ever Bitches! (I- I am not a Scorpio..)

Consumer Whoredom (or CW as I'm calling the thing for short).. CW is the only non-archaic non-utilitarian thing I own really. (Other than my tiny PS2, but that hardly counts as it's like 6 or 7 years old... well the ps2 itself I mean.) My phone is the size of a buick and has buttons which you have to mash with both palms to get them to move. It also requires you to lift with your legs when you pick it up. (this is a total lie, my phone, though pretty craptacular is rather small and easily portable.. it just doesn't do much else. I mean.. there's a camera there.. arguably, but you can't really take pictures with it that make any sense if you don't have glaucoma.

In vis-a-vis RE: All else,

Actually, I was thinkin' of not writing another word about ol' PJ. Just to torture you I'm sure.

-Q
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All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way.

[ Parent ]
i had an archaic phone til about two months ago... by LilFlightTest (2.00 / 0) #10 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 10:44:18 AM EST
because i didnt want to change my calling plan (the one i signed up for 4 years ago no longer exists) as that would put me under contract again, and i wanted to avoid that like the plague. then, USCC had a neato deal to get everyone on their new network, which consisted of no plan change, no new contract, but you got a spiffy new phone (no camera, but hey) for a penny. nick and i both got new ones, because even if we want something else in the future we can now do it without hassle, as we're not on the old network anymore. yay.
---------
Dance On, Gir!
[ Parent ]
Did you know: October? by theantix (2.00 / 0) #7 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 08:16:22 AM EST
September, October, November, December are the 9th -> 12th months of the year, but their names evoke the latin root for 7th -> 10th.

The reason for this is that originally the two winter months (11th and 12th) had no name, and the months in question actually did correspond with their latin root.  Except then Julius and Augustus Caesar decided to create months based on themselves, but instead of replacing the winter months they inserted themselves into the middle throwing the whole naming scheme into disarray.

Assholes.
____________________________________
I'm sorry, but your facts disagree with my opinion.

Look by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #8 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 08:25:07 AM EST
I'll let you defame the one from the Julian house, but Augustus... nu-uh bitch we ain't goin' there!

You bow before Octavian and you like it.

-Q
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All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way.

[ Parent ]
fact: it is you who is the defamer by theantix (4.00 / 1) #9 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 10:38:56 AM EST
I was simply pointing out a fact.  If you read something negative into the comment it is you who is casting ill will down on Augustus.

"You bow before Octavian and you like it."

Now you're talking facts.  But also I need to check my shrine for your hidden camera.
____________________________________
I'm sorry, but your facts disagree with my opinion.

[ Parent ]
Oh it's not in the shrine by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #11 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 11:17:17 AM EST
Unless by "shrine" you mean "cloaca"

-Q
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All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way.

[ Parent ]
wth by theantix (4.00 / 1) #12 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 12:25:01 PM EST
Do you subscribe to an "obscure word of the day" mailing list or something?
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I'm sorry, but your facts disagree with my opinion.
[ Parent ]
No by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #13 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 12:37:49 PM EST
No more than you subscribe to "Trolling monthly".

Unless you are counting my retarded brain as the mailing list.

-Q
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All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way.

[ Parent ]
good god* man by theantix (4.00 / 1) #14 Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 12:44:57 PM EST
Now you're checking my mail too?  That assassin I paid to hunt down and kill you has sure done a crappy job.

* may not actually exist
____________________________________
I'm sorry, but your facts disagree with my opinion.

[ Parent ]
Word by Improbus (2.00 / 0) #15 Tue Oct 10, 2006 at 10:45:28 AM EST
Yo!



If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago. --- Oma Desala
Right.. by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #16 Tue Oct 10, 2006 at 04:19:06 PM EST
that's exactly what that is... good job for recognizing English on a minimal level at least.

-Q
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All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way.

[ Parent ]
Bad Mood by Improbus (2.00 / 0) #17 Wed Oct 11, 2006 at 11:03:08 AM EST
Much?



If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago. --- Oma Desala
[ Parent ]
Not really no. by MisterQueue (2.00 / 0) #18 Thu Oct 12, 2006 at 05:42:28 AM EST
but I will note your concern sir.

-Q
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All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way.

[ Parent ]
Lead Asbestos | 18 comments (18 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback