Hang your thumb over the top two strings (E and A) without holding them down proper. This will deaden them. For bonus points hold your thumb down on the F# note on the E string and push it down hard enough to ring while your thumb overhang deadens the A string.

This is a great power chord which AC/DC uses to death.

The rest of your problems can be solved by volume, distortion, echo and a wah-pedal.

cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

I've been playing for 18 years and I can't play like Satriani either!

Strumming will come to you in time.  If your hands are too small to deaden the 5th and 6th strings (like mine), you're just going to have to get better at aiming at the strings.  This will come, in time.  I found that pushing the fleshy part of my hand (closer to the wrist on the pinkie finger side) into the bridge helped a lot with respect to remembering where the strings are.

Holding a major or a minor barre chord and then moving it up and down the neck is very good practice for the fingers (strength and position wise), and will actually allow you to get some semblance of a tune together.  Even just playing root notes is good, try this (Wasted by Def Leppard when they still rocked)
Palm mute on each note on the E string:

E|-----------------------------------------------------------
B|-----------------------------------------------------------
G|--------------------------------------5----5-5/-5\--4------
D|--------------------------------------5----5-5/-5\--4------
A|-----7-----5-----10-----7-----5-------3----3-3/-7\--2------
E|-0-0---0-0---0-0----0-0---0-0---0-0-0----------------------

Or for string skipping practice try:

E|-----------------------------------------------------------
B|-----------------------------------------------------------
G|--------------------------------------5----5-5/-5\--4------
D|-----------------7--------------------5----5-5/-5\--4------
A|-----7-----5------------7-----5-------3----3-3/-7\--2------
E|-0-0---0-0---0-0----0-0---0-0---0-0-0----------------------

Re: tuning - I find that my tuner is better than I am.  The trick is to firstly give it a good signal to work with - I favour a loud but not that heavily overdriven signal.  Unless your ear is concert standard, when you start playing along to stuff it'll sound rubbish.

House of the Rising Sun is such a cliche because it's a good training song to learn (Amin, C, D, F, E).  Stand By Me is also another good one.  And you can't go wrong with any AC/DC.

When I was 18 I had 2 passions - guitar and coding.   Actually I had 2 more, but this isn't a girls and weed diary so we'll disregard that for now.  Fifteen years on, I'm still playing guitar and coding, one for money and one for fun.  No prozes for guessing which I enjoy more...

Keep on rocking!

Don't think of buzzing and clicking as things done wrong. Sometimes b and c can really work for you. Sometimes if you just keep playing it sounds like it should be there. Or if you do it on purpose it can sound really cool. If it bugs you when it happens, well, just keep at it. The satisfaction of conquering a guitar riff and making it sound just that certain way you hear it in your head, is an amazing feeling. Keep at it. Don't pressure yourself. And keep an open mind. Every now and then, I come across a chord I haven't used before and I say WTF is this? I'm supposed to do what with my fingers? So I either practice until I have it, find a creative way to play it so my hand has an easier time with it, or just plain cheat and play something that sounds really close. I'm not interested in being a perfect textbook player, and that helps me have a lot more fun with it.