Print Story Got such a pretty kitty, boy I know you want to pet it
By gazbo (Tue Oct 24, 2006 at 03:12:09 AM EST) (all tags)
Inside: Unusually authentic Chinese food!  Pranks on strippers!  Music ramblings!

Chinese fooooood:

Went out with my brother and a couple of his friends.  After a few warm-up pints in a seedy pub on London Road we walked to the restaurant Dim Sum, a mere hour after the time we'd booked for.

Personally I thought the place was reasonably well known, but judging by the taxi driver who got me down there in the first place not only is it not well known, but it could even be a figment of my imagination.  After repeating the name and location, he was still none-the-wiser, but drove on anyway in the knowledge I had passed on that it was a Chinese restaurant on London Road.

As soon as we got onto the road, he pointed out Candy Town.  "That's a Chinese restaurant!" he exclaimed, referring to a restaurant named as though it's owned by NAMBLA.  The fact it wasn't called Dim Sum seemed not to bother him.  I told him to keep driving.

Every time we passed a restaurant or takeaway with a Chinese name, he would excitedly point it out to me.  Each time I told him to continue on.  Eventually I saw the restaurant coming up, so I pointed it out to him.

"Ah, Golden Wang*", he replied, referring to the takeaway a few doors down from the clearly marked Dim Sum restaurant.  I didn't bother to correct him.

Once inside we kept it real by ordering such delicacies as chicken feet (tasty, but the bones and gristle are an annoyance to constantly spit out) and sliced pork with jellyfish (reasonable enough taste, if somewhat mild, but a bit on the chewy side.  Not a patch on the steamed manifold I'd had before).

Gloriously, on the desserts menu they had the dish "Banana Flitters".  Unfortunately I discovered this while ordering, and so burst out laughing in front of the waitress.

We fed the four of us to the point of being stuffed, including a pint of beer each, for a grand total of £45 including tip.  Madness.

*OK, I made that name up.  I can't remember what it was actually called.


After the meal and a good few more pints, we headed on down to a strip joint.  Being somewhat skint I stated I wasn't going to have any dances, and miraculously kept to my word.  So how to fend off the strippers?  Surely a simple "no thanks" is not the best way?

  • Pretend the girl you're with is your girlfriend and doesn't approve.

    Ensues: Hilarity

    After initial success, the girl's real boyfriend reveals the truth, and the girl suggests a slap is in order.  I can now put a tick next to "GET HARD SLAP FROM STRIPPER" on my to-do list.

  • Pretend to be gay.

    Ensues: Success!

    The three people I was with were all having private dances, leaving me vulnerable.  I needed a cast iron defence.  The girl (a rather hot one at that) approached me and asked "Would you be interested in a private dance?" to which I replied with a smile, in a slightly higher pitch than usual, "I'd be more interested if you had a cock."  She said "Can't say fairer than that!" before disappearing at record speed.

Back home:

After walking back home (couple of miles uphill) I was pretty shagged.  Now I'd hate to suggest I'd drunk too much, but I did end up lying down in the kitchen for "a few minutes" to recoup the energy to go upstairs to bed.

Music ramblings (my own):

This is so annoying.  My inability to concentrate on anything extends to music, and so without days off work I'm just not getting much done.  This upsets me.

Music ramblings (other people's):

Girls Aloud look certain to be beaten to the top spot this week by McFly, despite entering on downloads at an impressive number 5.  Now I've got nothing against McFly, and further I certainly don't think this is the Girls' finest work, but the fact is McFly's new single is shit.  They just have a manic dedicated fan-base.

< Photo Fun Challenge: Post your entries! | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
Got such a pretty kitty, boy I know you want to pet it | 9 comments (9 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Public service announcement: by komet (4.00 / 13) #1 Tue Oct 24, 2006 at 03:34:30 AM EST
do NOT, repeat do NOT, use the "I'd be more interested if you had a cock" defence in Thailand.

<ni> komet: You are functionally illiterate as regards trashy erotica.
... Just sayin' ... by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #2 Tue Oct 24, 2006 at 04:30:32 AM EST

[ Parent ]
Alright, alright by gazbo (4.00 / 3) #5 Tue Oct 24, 2006 at 04:53:07 AM EST
You win at internet.

I recommend always assuming 7th normal form where items in a text column are not allowed to rhyme.

[ Parent ]
aw come one by 256 (4.00 / 2) #6 Tue Oct 24, 2006 at 05:38:02 AM EST
live a little
I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni
[ Parent ]
Definitely a 7 by anonimouse (4.00 / 1) #8 Tue Oct 24, 2006 at 08:48:33 AM EST

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]
Chicken feet by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #3 Tue Oct 24, 2006 at 04:35:17 AM EST
Chinese friend's mum takes us out for dim sum whenever I'm up in Leeds. The first time she bought chicken feet (fully authentic bloody, almost raw chicken feet) I thought hm, interesting, but I won't bother again. Second time I thought it was something else and shovelled one into my mouth whole. I'll state here that spitting chicken toe bones into a napkin politely whilst holding a conversation is impossible.

Jellyfish is nice though, as is sea cucumber.

It's political correctness gone mad!

These were well cooked by gazbo (4.00 / 1) #4 Tue Oct 24, 2006 at 04:52:43 AM EST
And there was much spitting going on, as shoving the entire thing into the mouth seemed to be the only sensible course of action.

Fortunately we were all drunk so didn't care.

What I also forgot to mention was that they had a Christmas menu with what appeared to be an anime Santa on the front cover.  I nicked one, but don't have a scanner unfortunately.

I recommend always assuming 7th normal form where items in a text column are not allowed to rhyme.

[ Parent ]
Doesn't your phone have a camera by hulver (4.00 / 2) #9 Tue Oct 24, 2006 at 09:26:19 AM EST
What is this, the stone age?
Cheese is not a hat. - clock
[ Parent ]
Dim sum by ad hoc (4.00 / 1) #7 Tue Oct 24, 2006 at 06:54:34 AM EST
You're ordering from a menu in at dim sum?

That's just ... wrong.
Once you get used to the idea that everything is equally true, decisions get much easier. -- johnny

Got such a pretty kitty, boy I know you want to pet it | 9 comments (9 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback