Print Story Weekend in Minnesota
By MillMan (Tue Aug 09, 2005 at 05:20:55 PM EST) (all tags)
Gently rolling farmland and MILF bridesmaids.

So yeah, my friend B tied the knot with his woman, hereafter referred to as Bride. I was invited to be in the wedding, so off to the Twin Cities I went.

After two shitty flights, I was in Minneapolis driving my rental car at noon. A blue Monte Carlo. More low end acceleration than my 4 banger Civic to be sure. Not that it takes much. Also a good vehicle for blending into semi-rural areas.

I got my fast food requirements in early, lunch on Thursday was at Arby's, and Schlotsky's on Friday. Both are in short supply on the east coast.

I spent Thursday afternoon with the sis playing frisbee at Lake Calhoun. After some Chinese for dinner, I went and hung out with my ex K and our mutual friend L (who is more of her friend now, I suppose). Conversation was good and it was nice to see them both. K is a dog person, so I had her come over to my parent's place to meet BAXTAR the dog. Within 30 seconds I'm pretty sure she loved him more than she ever loved me, but hey, BAXTAR has that effect on people.

Ran a few errands related to the wedding in the morning, and showed up with the groom for the rehearsal in the small town of Northfield around 4pm. If I were to live in a town of 10k, Northfield would be it. The two colleges make it a nice college town with good bars and the malt-o-meal factory makes the place smell like cookies. Mmmmm, cookies. Better than a gas refinery for sure.

Anyway, I met the MILF Bridesmaids and associated family members at the rehearsal which went pretty quick. The whole thing was semi-disorganized but all weddings are basically the same and no one seemed worried. We had ribs for dinner at a local park, and we played Bocce Ball while getting drunk on Grain Belt Premium. Awesome. After it was all done, the boys all went back to B's place, unbeknownst to the bride, for a late night of wine and cigars. Had a great time. [yes, I swore off cigars, and yes, I am paying for it again. The sores are on my tongue this time.]

While technically #3 on the totem pole, I was in charge of a number of things including shuttling the groom around since #1 and #2 are known for uh, being late and forgetting things, very BAD traits on wedding day. I rolled to B's townhouse at 8:30am. Fuck, I didn't sleep at all last night, he says as I get to the door. Oh really? Get your ass in the car, I said. B and Bride are great together, but both are chronic worriers.

The groomsmen all met at a restaurant where we had breakfast and putzed around for a few hours. We meandered over to the church to get dressed. We were placed in the youth group's digs, which had the following items:

  1. stereo
  2. pool table
  3. foosball table
  4. air hockey table
So we popped in some Rancid and UNKLE while playing foosball:

Eventually we made our way down for photos, and soon enough we were ushering people in. It was all ad-hoc but it went smoothly enough. The ceremony went well, and with my IRON FUCKING WILLPOWER I did not shed tears, although all the bridesmaids did along with half the guests. It wasn't easy to hold back

The guys and I intercepted Bride at the reception hall, and took her to a local bar to get her relaxed and lightly drunk for the reception.

Food was good, etc, etc, I got drunk, avoided flirting with the single women to the chagrin of all the guys, danced to embarrassing songs like the electric slide, YMCA, and ISG knows what else. I never quite made it over to flirt with the MILF bridesmaids (one of which I knew would have loved it) although I did briefly before the reception. At 1am, we closed the place down. Said goodbye to everyone, and drove home (with a .05 BAL, you bastards). There is also a story about my drunk ass getting keys to a hotel room with people in it that I was not expecting but I'll avoid that one. heh.

Had lunch with the fam, forgot to fill the tank on the rental car netting me a $30 loss, and had two more mediocre flights.

Note to retarded ATA pilots: if I were flying a plane, I would not overshoot the runway by .75 miles. Just because the runway is designed for a 747 doesn't mean you should use the entire length when landing a 737-800. I'm shuddering just thinking about it.

A+ weekend, would do again.

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Weekend in Minnesota | 15 comments (15 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
LOLLERSKATES by spacejack (4.00 / 1) #1 Tue Aug 09, 2005 at 06:03:35 PM EST
I don't know whether to laugh or scream.

Hey just be thankful you weren't flying Air France and landing here in T.O.

when you're flying by MillMan (4.00 / 1) #2 Tue Aug 09, 2005 at 06:07:20 PM EST
You're always close to death.

If we had been in a bigger plane, we would have at least blown out the tires trying to stop.

"Just as there are no atheists in foxholes, there are no libertarians in financial crises." -Krugman

[ Parent ]
avoided flirting with the single women by monkeymind (4.00 / 1) #3 Tue Aug 09, 2005 at 06:23:23 PM EST
If you are single, are you nuts! Being a groomsman/best man is one of the few guaranteed pick up nights for a man.

there were by MillMan (2.00 / 0) #4 Tue Aug 09, 2005 at 06:40:20 PM EST
like 3 single women there total (of legal age anyway). I'm bad at initiating contact so I usually don't bother. That's pretty much it.

"Just as there are no atheists in foxholes, there are no libertarians in financial crises." -Krugman

[ Parent ]
bad at initiating contact? by Liz Frank (4.00 / 1) #5 Tue Aug 09, 2005 at 06:48:47 PM EST
That's what alcohol is for. Silly but it does work.

Hey what's with the blacked out faces in the photo?? don't tell me it's to protect the innocent...

[ Parent ]
heh by MillMan (2.00 / 0) #6 Tue Aug 09, 2005 at 07:03:21 PM EST
Yeah I'm good at flirting but bad at approaching. Oh well. Anyway, yes, it is to protect the innocent. They don't need their faces posted on the internet!

"Just as there are no atheists in foxholes, there are no libertarians in financial crises." -Krugman

[ Parent ]
protect the innocent... by monkeymind (4.00 / 2) #7 Tue Aug 09, 2005 at 07:03:38 PM EST
nah, possibly just the shy.

[ Parent ]
not if you're gay. by aphrael (4.00 / 1) #9 Tue Aug 09, 2005 at 09:28:49 PM EST
Cool, but what's with the large foam balaclavas by motty (4.00 / 1) #8 Tue Aug 09, 2005 at 09:02:40 PM EST
Is it some kind of USian tradition that everyone wears large foam balaclavas for the duration of a wedding event or have I missed something?

I amd itn ecaptiaghle of drinking sthis d dar - Dr T
holy shit by aphrael (4.00 / 1) #10 Tue Aug 09, 2005 at 09:30:21 PM EST
an UNKLE i haven't heard.

/me orders.


If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.

a new import apparently by MillMan (2.00 / 0) #12 Wed Aug 10, 2005 at 04:50:46 AM EST
Picked it up at my favorite record store that I always go to when I visit Minneapolis.

"Just as there are no atheists in foxholes, there are no libertarians in financial crises." -Krugman

[ Parent ]
You should have flirted with the MILFs by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #11 Wed Aug 10, 2005 at 04:45:12 AM EST
the worst that could happen would be some broken up marriages and some entertaining husi diaries.

Damn it by duxup (4.00 / 1) #13 Wed Aug 10, 2005 at 10:09:51 AM EST
It is like we'll just let anyone back in this state these days!
GTKY by illsorted (4.00 / 1) #14 Wed Aug 10, 2005 at 12:55:32 PM EST
I grew up in Cannon Falls, which is about 15 miles east of Northfield. But, alas, you can never go home again.

I like the canon river by MillMan (2.00 / 0) #15 Wed Aug 10, 2005 at 03:02:52 PM EST
despite having an absolutely horrible canoeing experience in it when I was a kid.

"Just as there are no atheists in foxholes, there are no libertarians in financial crises." -Krugman

[ Parent ]
Weekend in Minnesota | 15 comments (15 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback