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By tps12 (Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:37:37 AM EST) porn, video game, boner (all tags)
Has this been done?


The idea is it's a game like Tony Hawk, but for porn...you play as different porn stars, each with their own skill set and special moves, and you try to do the hottest scene, as measured using a point system, or accomplish some other goal (n times in each orifice, collect five bottles of champagne, &c.) within a limited amount of time. You get extra points for complex "combo" moves, varying positions, that sort of thing. As you progress, you unlock new special moves, hidden rooms, "upgrades" (surgical enhancement? Tantric training?), and secret partners. Of course there is a "group play" mode, which one would expect would be a hit at parties.

I don't know what to call it...there's something to be said for the simplicity of Doin' It or similar, but Peter North's Pro Boner has a lot of appeal as well.

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Video Game Concept | 41 comments (41 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Sounds good by xth (2.00 / 0) #1 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:39:46 AM EST
But not as good as acutally getting laid.

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jeez by tps12 (4.00 / 4) #2 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:43:12 AM EST
Awfully high bar for a video game, don't you think?

[ Parent ]
Better hardware is needed by chuckles (4.00 / 1) #7 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:46:09 AM EST
Force Feedback™ Orifice (USB 2.0)

"The one absolutely certain way of bringing this nation to ruin [...] would be to permit it to become a tangle of squabbling nationalities"
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It's a cutthroat. market by xth (2.00 / 0) #9 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:46:47 AM EST


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Interesting by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #4 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:43:57 AM EST
How does one get acutely laid?

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If you need to ask, you'll never get it [nt] by xth (4.00 / 2) #5 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:45:10 AM EST
[nt] = n.o t.ime to spell check

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Yeah, but. by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #10 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:46:52 AM EST
I wasn't asking you.

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Which is a shame by xth (2.00 / 0) #17 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:51:04 AM EST
As I have plenty to experience to draw on. No, really, I mean it.

Really.

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Thanks for sharing. by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #19 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:52:53 AM EST
Are you going to this?

If so, I may have just remembered a subsequent engagement I've got.

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I probably will by xth (2.00 / 0) #23 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:00:41 AM EST
Looks like another night in playing Scrabble with your mum.

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As long as by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #25 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:01:49 AM EST
you're only playing Scrabble with her, that's fine by me.

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Well, you shouldn't have started it by xth (2.00 / 0) #28 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:05:37 AM EST
Don't worry, I'm not like all the other guys.

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As long as they have rifles by cam (4.00 / 1) #3 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:43:33 AM EST
and decent online maps, then I am ok with it.

cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

rifle, gun by blixco (4.00 / 1) #6 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:45:16 AM EST
shooting, fun....get it straight, man.
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The farmers always win.
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Shooting straight is the sign of a n00b by cam (4.00 / 2) #16 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:50:44 AM EST
got to lead the target. If I read a page in a book for every minute I have spent playing MOH - I would be *the* library of Alexandria by now.

cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

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Also by whazat (4.00 / 2) #37 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:52:08 AM EST
Adjust the aim for the trajectory of the projectile. IYKWIM.

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The revolution will not be realised
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OMG Vibrator camper!!!1! by jayhawk88 (4.00 / 1) #36 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:41:10 AM EST


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Leisure Suit Larry? by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #8 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:46:21 AM EST


dude by tps12 (4.00 / 3) #13 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:48:52 AM EST
Adding dicks to King's Quest does not make it fun.

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Dicks? by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #20 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:53:35 AM EST
I didn't think there were any.

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hey, did you vote "been done"? by tps12 (4.00 / 2) #31 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:08:13 AM EST
If so, a key part of the concept is the combo-based action gameplay. IMHO, the LSL games tried to make a dull as nails game format interesting by peppering it with dirty jokes. The idea here would be to have a game that is fun to play in its own right.

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sexist by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 1) #11 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:48:44 AM EST
Why is Peter North your canonical porn star when the field is generally dominated, so to speak, by women?

Speaking of "female careers", what about a video game where the object is to educate students? You'd get points when they get high grades, unlock special powers such as one of those things that holds 5 pieces of chalk at once and special bonus rounds in the form of field trips.

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Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline

yeah by tps12 (4.00 / 1) #15 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:50:19 AM EST
I was going to use Jenna Jameson, but she doesn't have a "pro boner," which is a phrase I wanted to use. My apologies.

I forgot about the pentachalker. I like the concept.

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She doesn't *have* a pro boner by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 1) #21 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:55:31 AM EST
but she *is* a pro boner. I'm verbing a noun IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

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Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline
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good point by tps12 (4.00 / 1) #26 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:02:33 AM EST
Some would argue that women can only be pro bonees, but that's sexist. Jenna Jameson's Pro Boner it is, then.

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Name the top ten female porn starts by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #27 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:04:28 AM EST
Wait ten minutes.
Now name the new top ten.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
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same with sports, though by tps12 (4.00 / 1) #32 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:10:03 AM EST
It gives you a reason to release a new version each year. You get one mega-star to name it after and have the highest-scoring special move (Jenna Jameson is the Tony Hawk of porn) and fill out the rest with the stars of the moment.

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Hmm, and you'd have end-of-career exit options by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #34 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:21:17 AM EST
Producer: great.
Non-performing crew: good.
Fluffer: bad
Goat porn fluffer: fail.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Who are you, by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 2) #12 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:48:45 AM EST

and what have you done with tps12? I'm calling the cops!


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
And then, by komet (4.00 / 10) #14 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:49:11 AM EST
to top it off, some fundie USian senator calls for a public inquiry after rumours surface about a hidden subgame involving vehicle theft.

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<ni> komet: You are functionally illiterate as regards trashy erotica.
Will never happen. Two words: by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #18 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 04:51:18 AM EST
Hot Coffee

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It's political correctness gone mad!

eh by tps12 (4.00 / 1) #22 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:00:23 AM EST
I predict no broader fallout from Hot Coffee, and if there is any then it shouldn't affect games rated (what's it called?) AO. Movies that have stirred up controversy for being too sexy or too violent for their ratings haven't affected adult film, so I don't see how this would be any different.

Anyway, I only just had the idea. It will be years before someone can rip off my idea, put together a team, and turn a product around, by which time Hot Coffee will be ancient history.

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Nah that was just terminology. by Breaker (4.00 / 3) #29 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:06:28 AM EST
It's fine for 17 year olds to pistol whip whores, shoot policemen, steal cars and shoot up the military in a nicked VTOL plane.

But if there's any sex then it must be restricted to ages 21+.


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Except strip joints, they're OK. by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #33 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:18:28 AM EST
And screwing whores in your car.  And the Balla getting a blowjob in the background in third mission.  And pimping whores.  This seems familiar somehow.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
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yup by tps12 (4.00 / 1) #35 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:25:22 AM EST
Video game sex is only appropriate when it's exploitative.

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Sexist by Rogerborg (4.00 / 4) #38 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:57:41 AM EST
Just cause the bitch was giving a blowjob in a crack den doesn't mean that she was a crack whore.  It could have been in the context of a loving consensual long term relationship.  Did that even occur to you?

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
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I like the Peter North option. by me0w (2.00 / 0) #24 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:00:46 AM EST

"the only reason we PMS is because our uterus is screaming at our brain to go out, get fucked, and have a baby ... and it makes us angry."
Just call it "FUCKING" by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #30 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:07:56 AM EST
In a huge black-on-Aryanflesh (racisn/t) font, if only because it'll be funnier when a Mother Against Everything sues you because she 'accidentally' bought it for her pure little teenage daughter, who then went out and got herself knocked up.  You monster.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
you've got this preempting thing down by infinitera (4.00 / 1) #41 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 09:55:22 AM EST

[…] a professional layabout. Which I aspire to be, but am not yet. — CheeseburgerBrown

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Please someone do it by Herring (4.00 / 1) #39 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 06:42:07 AM EST
before the Germans do.


christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky
And Please Someone Do It by Improbus (4.00 / 1) #40 Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 07:28:15 AM EST
before the Japanese do.



If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago. --- Oma Desala
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Video Game Concept | 41 comments (41 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback