Print Story Kentish Shennanigans
Diary
By nebbish (Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 01:24:47 AM EST) (all tags)
In which nebbish visits the chavvy marshes of north Kent and has many adventures.


Weekend

I was getting really pissed off with London so went to visit some mates in Kent. It's nice to run away sometimes, especially when there are a couple of parties organised and your absence will be felt. There's something satisfying about it.

They had a roofing job on in Margate, so I went down on the train and hung around the seafront until they were done. Spectacular hat trick - I got caught in the pissing rain in only a t-shirt, shat on by a seagull then slipped in a puddle and fell flat on my arse.

Went to the Shell Grotto for lack of anything else to do. Well cool - discovered in 1835 and no-one knows who made it or how old it is, though it's suspected to be Roman. Worth a visit, but only if you're in the area.

Then down to the arcades on the front. God they're rubbish nowadays. I still love visiting them but it's purely for nostalgia reasons, the games are shit and the only things worth playing are those 2p waterfall things.

Why aren't arcade owners investing in deathmatch networks like internet cafes are? It's the obvious way out of the technology rut arcade gaming is in. OK there are issues about 18 certificates, licensing and payment methods, but these are hardly insurmountable. The internet cafes have managed it.

Saturday Night

Met up with my mates and went back to their home town Faversham, and decided on a night out in Canterbury with G's girlfriend and her mates. Had to borrow a a pair of shoes and a shirt to get into a club, not a good sign. Got shitfaced, danced to Crazy Frog, and pulled a woman you wouldn't take home to your mother. Also, G's girlfriend had a fight. My sort of night out.

Paedonoia

Sat at the train station for an hour Sunday waiting for a train back to London. A group of bored 11 and 12 year-old girls hanging round the station decide to sit and talk to me. They were lovely kids and I actually enjoyed talking to them, but it made me really nervous. It's pretty sad that you can't even chat to a child any more, but on the other hand I found it a bit disturbing how much and how quickly they trusted me.

I gave them a quick lecture about not talking to strangers when my train came, and they looked genuinely embarassed, like they'd forgotten they weren't meant to do that. I felt though that by having a nice chat with me they'd be more likely to do it with someone else. Maybe I should have beaten them up mildly or something as a form of aversion therapy.

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Kentish Shennanigans | 34 comments (34 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Wouldn't take the girl home to meet your mum by jump the ladder (4.00 / 1) #1 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 01:31:58 AM EST
Too tarty, chavvy or ugly or some fucked up combination of all of them?

First and second by nebbish (4.00 / 4) #2 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 01:35:14 AM EST
Aw, she was alright. Quite liked her really. She had the cold emotionless eyes of a shark though.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Ooooh I love that look. by Alice Pulley (4.00 / 4) #11 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 02:36:40 AM EST


--

'But they're adults and perfectly capable of working it out themselves. And if not, well, fuck em.' - Nebbish '06.

[ Parent ]
Good job, nebbish by extremely tedious HuSer (4.00 / 1) #3 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 01:42:39 AM EST
Thank God there are still some people left making sure kids grow up mistrusting everybody. :-)
Perhaps they wanted to happy slap you, but you were too tall and couldn't reach?

It's bad I know by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #4 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 01:46:14 AM EST
But it doesn't feel right talking to strange kids any more.

I was nice to them though. Had the most intelligent conversation I've had in ages to be honest.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Then you should be a teacher by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #6 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 02:10:31 AM EST
Based on the adverts for it, it doesn't involve much more than chatting up HAWT SMILING PRE-TEEN GIRLS.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
They do make it look rather attractive by nebbish (4.00 / 6) #8 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 02:19:47 AM EST
The adverts should be crowned with similar slo-mo footage of a teenage boy twatting a supply teacher with a chair.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
WIPO: St Andrews by Rogerborg (2.00 / 0) #5 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 02:08:59 AM EST
Racis[nt]

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
I know ignorance is no excuse by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #7 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 02:17:59 AM EST
But I don't actually know any Scottish seaside places. I spent a week in Stranraer once but I'd hardly recommend it - the highlight was a visit to fucking Belfast.

Also went to Girvan once as a child *shudder*

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Is that by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #9 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 02:25:05 AM EST

Govan in the local accent?


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
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I really don't know by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #10 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 02:32:59 AM EST
There might be a Govan in Glasgow, which isn't the same place.

Girvan - shitty grey seaside town full of unemployed punks (the 1970s kind, but this was in 1988), set in admittedly spectacular scenery.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Stoneybridge!! by Dr H0ffm4n (4.00 / 3) #27 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 06:23:50 AM EST


[ Parent ]
Stoneybridge isn't on the coast by Rogerborg (4.00 / 3) #29 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 06:26:19 AM EST
It does, however, have facilities, like a bus stop.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
And tourist attractions by Dr H0ffm4n (4.00 / 1) #31 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 06:34:47 AM EST
Such as the stoney bridge.

[ Parent ]
Brighton by Herring (4.00 / 2) #12 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 02:38:00 AM EST
(Something I was going to include in diary).

Mrs. H. is doing her teacher placement at the moment. There is s trip to Brighton. One of the parents refused persmission because "there are a lot of funny people there". Right.

christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky

According to Julie Burchill's new TV series by nebbish (4.00 / 2) #13 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 02:42:10 AM EST
it's full of glamorous lesbian schoolgirls accompanied by pop music whereever they go. I'd have been tempted to visit myself if I hadn't been already and seen it's full of tramps and hippies.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Julie Burchill has a TV series???? by extremely tedious HuSer (4.00 / 2) #14 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 03:17:42 AM EST
For fuck's sake. What next - Celebrity BNP Island?

[ Parent ]
Dramatisation of a book she wrote by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #15 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 03:23:56 AM EST
it's shit.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Dungeness is nice by Dr H0ffm4n (2.00 / 0) #28 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 06:25:05 AM EST
I hear. In a bleak, unwelcoming, desolate way.

[ Parent ]
Brilliant place by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #30 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 06:28:49 AM EST
I've only ever been at night though. The power station is amazing - most of one side of it is made of glass.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
oh, and thanks by Dr H0ffm4n (4.00 / 1) #32 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 06:35:51 AM EST
caught in the pissing rain in only a t-shirt, shat on by a seagull then slipped in a puddle and fell flat on my arse

Cheered me up no end. Ta muchly.

[ Parent ]
Believe it or not by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #33 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 06:39:03 AM EST
It made me laugh as well. I was a bit apprehensive about what was going to happen next though.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
TISG was just larking around at your expense by Dr H0ffm4n (4.00 / 1) #34 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 06:43:19 AM EST
You probably took His name in vain or dissed his reps.

[ Parent ]
WIPO (and other stuff) by idiot boy (2.00 / 0) #16 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 03:31:49 AM EST
Robin Hoods Bay. OK so it's not a resort exactly but it's the only place I've seen a bloated dead sea lion.

Anyway, did this pulling involve a proper Kentish FITB?

What does that acronym mean? by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #17 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 03:42:17 AM EST
Robin Hoods Bay is indeed a lovely place. Have you seen all the TV programmes on recently about northern countryside? I don't know where they've sprung from but they're nice viewing.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
<cough>ing in the bogs. by idiot boy (2.00 / 0) #18 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 03:57:02 AM EST
Not seen any telly in ages. Back in Edinburgh now and likely to be here for a very long time. Won't do the old air miles any harm if I ever remember to claim them.

Been given so much work to do I'm just kind of sat here stunned in a rabbit\headlights sort of way.

Don't know whether to laugh, cry or just jump off the castle.

Sounds like a good weekend. Wound up seeing a Chilean film on Saturday (Machuca). Pretty good - set in '73 as Allende's rule was coming to an end. Used the friendship of two kids (one bourgeois, one poor) to show the situation in the country as a whole (I think - never was good at figuring out what directors mean - just like \ don't like with me as you know).

Either way, I liked it.

[ Parent ]
Machuca's meant to be good by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #19 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 04:05:51 AM EST
I'm waiting for flatmate to get it from work.

No, not in the bogs. That's all you're getting though - a gentleman never tells.

How long are you in Edinburgh for then?

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
LOL by idiot boy (4.00 / 2) #20 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 04:10:45 AM EST
Silence speaks volumes my friend.

It's definately worth seeing. Saw it with the mad person who did nothing to dispell my opinion that they're barmy.

Edinburgh for probably six months. Should have an apartment soon. Somewhere nice and comfortable to hang myself following an overdose of Barbs.

Ah well, I hear Heroin is cheap and plentiful up here...

[ Parent ]
I'll be up visiting by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #21 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 04:15:31 AM EST
do you know how much the train is if it's well in advance? I'd imagine National Express might be a bit grim.

And who else could you have seen Macucha with? :-)

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Good point by idiot boy (2.00 / 0) #22 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 04:24:55 AM EST
It was fairly obvious really wasn't it. All good clean fun you understand !

Machuca, not Macucha ;)

Travelling on a Friday - the cheapest is £90. It's cheaper to fly EasyJet from luton (£49 and probably less if you're clever). You've still got to get tofrom Luton or Stanstead though.


[ Parent ]
Just had a look at GNER's site by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #23 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 04:41:19 AM EST
Undurprisingly the pricing structure is totally bonkers and unfathomable.

I'm too scared to catch planes by myself though.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Heh! by idiot boy (4.00 / 1) #24 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 04:51:05 AM EST
Bring Al. We can make an event out of it :).

Book EJ in advance and you can probably get it even cheaper.

Saw something mad this morning. Remember you were telling me how Pidgeons, despite being filthy little bastarts, actually help to keep cities clean.

Well, this morning, standing outside the hotel, I saw some bloke walking his dog drop his sandwich. He sort of looked at it, shrugged and walked away.

About 20s after he walked off, a raven started stalking the sandwich. After checking around, he dropped in and pinched a bit of the sarnie. He kept mucking about for a minute or two until a squadron of seagulls turned up and tore the sarnie (and nearly the raven) apart.

End result, urban birds cleared up a tonne of food in under two minutes. Road was clean and no sign of birds again.

They must have sarnie detectors or something.

[ Parent ]
If it's OK with you by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #25 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 04:59:59 AM EST
I might come up next month.

Ravens!?! Bit more exciting than a manky pigeon.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

[ Parent ]
Sounds cool by idiot boy (2.00 / 0) #26 Thu Jun 09, 2005 at 05:05:51 AM EST
Ravens definately more interesting. They're shit scared of seagulls though.

Got to quit smoking at the weekend. Got a full on, permanent smokers cough now. I am the king of phlegm :).

[ Parent ]
Kentish Shennanigans | 34 comments (34 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback