Print Story Zum ZOB, alta!
By extremely tedious HuSer (Tue Jun 28, 2005 at 04:18:25 AM EST) (all tags)
Hamburgers, Frankfurters, and Berliners. So nice, you just want to eat them.

Status: draft.

London to Stanstead
It was Friday, and it was pissing down with raindrops the size of goat turds. Our hero xth, still fresh knackered from the previous nights celebrations, went to Liverpool Street train station to catch the Stanstead Express, who used to run every 15 minutes all day, but now only until 16:30. Oh yes. Ended up missing my plane, and had to transfer to a flight at 6 o'clock on Saturday morning.

Extreme Hertfordshire
I have reached the age where sleeping on a bench is out of the question, so I went to the hotel reservation desk and looked for a local hotel. xth -{ I want a hotel nearby as i have check-in early in the morning }
dodgy desk person -{ Yeah, no problem }
xth -{ So where is the hotel exactly? }
ddp -{ Just there. Here we go, you need to catch a taxi, it's all included in the price, here's a map }
xth -{ why do I need a taxi if it is 'just there' }
ddb -{ it's only a short hop away }
xth .o( oh fuck )

Me and a couple of others got picked up by an odd looking cockney geezer in a minibus. He drove us for about half an hour and dropped us off in different isolated B&Bs, all in the middle of nowhere. There were called B&Bs, even though the small print in the booking form made it clear breakfast wasn't included. The driver was an odd sort. He enjoyed giving as little information as possible to people, then watch them get them all upse. At the last hotel me, two Russians and two Africans got out of the minibus. The Africans started taking their luggage out. He watched them, while he sorted out a room for the Russians.
sadistic cockney geezer -{ I don't know which room to put you in }
xth -{ what do you mean you don't know which room to put me in, you just drove me for half a hour to the middle of butt fuck }
scg -{ hold on I'll call the booking desk ..hello! where do you expect me to put mr HuSer? ..right...  }
He turns to the Africans.
scg -{ Get back in the van. I am going to drive you to your hotel }
african couple -{ what? you saw us taking off all the luggage out, why you didn't say nothing? }
scg -{ Well, I never told you to take the luggage out, did I? }
He turns to me.
scg -{ Room number three. I'll come and pick you up at 4:45 }
xth -{ hat if you burst a tire or something? who do I call? Where the bloody hell are we anyway? }
scg -{ 4:45 }
xth .o( oh fuck )

At about 11 o'clock a group of 11 english lads, on their way to a stag week end, made their entrance into the B&NoB. Pissed out of their brain, stumbling around and knocking things over left round and center, they made a right racket all throughout the night. There is something unnerving about being stuck in a B&NoB in the middle of nowhere, depending on someone you don't know to ferry you out of it, with 11 pissed blind lads. So much for "I'll stay here so I'll be rested tomorro morning".

Hertfordshire to Stanstead
The morning after the 11 lads, myself and the two russians stand outside the B&NoB, taking in the view (open countryside, no sign of civilasation anywhere). Sadistic cockney geezer turns up at 4:50 with a small estate car. Me and the Russians move towards the car.
scg -{ No, this is not the car. I have booked cabs for you guys. Haven't they turned up? }
11l -{ No }
scg -{ Can you lend me your mobile? I'll call the cab company again }
scg -{ .. ... .. }
scg -{ right. they said they are on their way, but you know what they are like }
He gestures to me and the russians to get into his car.
xth .o( thank fuck for that )
As he drives off, he pulls down the window and talks to the 11 lads.
scg -{ Good luck }

He drives us to another B&NoB where we transfer to a bigger van and are joined by 7 more people. A bit of a squeeze, but nobody cares. He gets onto the motorway, but within 10 minutes he stops at a hard shoulder and gets out of the van. He looks at the van, then walks away while speaking on his mobile. A little later he comes back to us.
scg -{ get out of the van }
wiry managerial woman -{ what is going on? }
scg -{ a tyre burst }
scg -{ It's not my fault if a tyre burst }
wmw -{ Look I am not having a go }
scg -{ Yes you were }
xth -{ what now then }
scg -{ it'll take too long to change the tyre. I have called another van }
xth .o( oh fuck )

10 minutes later a girl comes, driving the original estate car. scg talks to me and two other girls.
scg -{ your plane is later than the other's. do you mind waiting here? I'll come back and pick you up }
xth -{ like fuck I am waiting here. I am getting in that car now, even if I have to sit on your lap }
other two girls -{ yeah! }
otg -{ we can sit in the luggage dept. }
scg -{ ok. but if the police stops us, you tell them you are my friends }
otg -{ fine }

Eventually we made it to the airport on time. I was on my way to Hamburg, or rather Lubeck, which in ryanair's parallel universe, counts as Hamburg.

I haven't had no lunch yet
Gosh I'm starving.

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Zum ZOB, alta! | 8 comments (8 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
I'm off to Stanstead On Friday by jump the ladder (4.00 / 1) #1 Tue Jun 28, 2005 at 04:24:11 AM EST
But luckily I'm leaving around lunchtime so the every 15 mins service runs. 4:30PM is an early time to scale back the service...

Shareholders 1 Commuters 0 by extremely tedious HuSer (2.00 / 0) #2 Tue Jun 28, 2005 at 04:28:52 AM EST
It can only get worsel

[ Parent ]
Yeah by jump the ladder (2.00 / 0) #3 Tue Jun 28, 2005 at 04:30:43 AM EST
but the prices of the Stanstead Express are quite high, they surely must be making a big enough profit to run 4 an hour until 8PM.

[ Parent ]
It's not enougH to make a profit by extremely tedious HuSer (2.00 / 0) #4 Tue Jun 28, 2005 at 04:44:38 AM EST
The profit has to grow.

[ Parent ]
What a fucking nightmare by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #5 Tue Jun 28, 2005 at 05:00:58 AM EST
Thanks for sharing, if it happens to me I'll take my chances on a bench.

It's political correctness gone mad!

I forgot to say... by extremely tedious HuSer (2.00 / 0) #6 Tue Jun 28, 2005 at 05:02:23 AM EST
As I walked towards the taxi, I passed in front of a hotel, just next to the airport...

[ Parent ]
what the? by MillMan (2.00 / 0) #7 Tue Jun 28, 2005 at 05:20:28 AM EST
I dunno what all that was about, but I do know in the US that would have resulted in a lawsuit of some sort.

*I blame theantix.

We are European softies by extremely tedious HuSer (2.00 / 0) #8 Tue Jun 28, 2005 at 05:34:26 AM EST
No guns, no law suits.

[ Parent ]
Zum ZOB, alta! | 8 comments (8 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback