Print Story Look, I do like art.
Educashun
By extremely tedious HuSer (Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 01:31:45 AM EST) (all tags)
But I don't want to die for it.

Plus, ask HuSi: things to do in Hamburg?



My foot's alright
Despite previous reports, I haven't actually broken my foot. What happened was, after having sprained my ankle, someone at work at gave me an elastic bandage that I was supposed to wear like a sock, folded double. And so I did, but what I hadn't realize is that you have to wear this thing all the way to the knee, which I didn't. When I was in A&E I was in real pain and the ankle was well swollen, that's why I assumed it was broken. When I went to see the doctor, he told me to stand on it. I say I possibly couldn't. "Just take off the bandage and try it." And guess what? I took off the bandage and immediately felt better. In fact I could stand on it alright. "You can walk better than me!" said the  doctor.
And yes, I did feel like a right wally.

So you want to move to London, huh?
It wasn't broken, but it still hurt and I couldn't walk very fast, so I went to work with my stick on Wednesday. The stick was more from protecting me from angry commuters than anything, because in London if you get in the way you just get tossed aside like a discarded packet of cheese and onion crisps. And it is a time of crisis like that you realize what a bunch of cunts most Londoners are. There I was, a cripple hobbling along with a walking stick, and nobody offered me their fucking seat. And what's worse, they didn't offer me a seat because they were too fucking represseed and couldn't handle talking to a stranger. I felt like I had gained some kind of superpower - every time I made eye contact with someone, suddenly they became very tired, and closed their eye and pretended to fall asleep nodded off.

Spineless insects, that's what they are. It is at times like this than one wishes nine eleven had happened in London, rather than NYC. I got the arse and as I got off the train I walked through the carriage and stuck my NHS walking stick on a couple of commuters feet. Hopefully they'll need a walking stick now, and they'll see what it's like.

A strong sense of community
Last night's pub sesh was very short, then went to this art exhibition in Bermondsey. Now, if London was a woman, then Bermondsey would definitively be her rectum. Despite all efforts:
Hailed as "the new Hoxton", Bermondsey is one of London's trendiest areas. With Bermondsey Street at its heart, the area blends history with modernity and a strong sense of community with all the attributes of a thriving inner-city zone..

Which can be translated as: Hailed as "the new Hoxton"=the area is a dump, but we hope we can convince Guardian readers to settle there and drive the white trash out, so that we can make make massive profits
"all the attributes of a thriving inner-city zone" = for god's sake don't work alone late at night if you are not white
"blends history with modernity and a strong sense of community" = BNP stronghold (just like Hoxton used to be before it became trendy).

The exhibition was 'interesting', but the artists were nice and friendly, so we went for a drink together afterwards.
_-|There's this nice pub around the corner, a pub for REAL LOCALS. It's so cute!|
.o( Oh fuck )
And so we went. It was the kind of pub which you'd normally avoid like the plague. Everybody inside was male, shaven headed and covered with tatoos. A couple of guys with pitbulls were blocking the entrance to the toilet. The bar staff ignored anyone who didn't look arian. My mate went for a slash, one of the pitbulls owners followed him to the toilet, stood next to him by the urinals and hemmed in against the wall as he was pissing. A guy at sitting at the bar kept on staring at me while repeatedly punching the palm of his hand.

The ladies enjoying every minute of it, talking to the locals and making friends with them. The guys were absolutely petrified. We stayed until last orders, then thankfull we left. We passed another pub, it had a sign saying Shalom on it. - probably bait. One of the girls said "If you are in the area avoid that pub, it's a dodgy BNP pub"
I'd hate to think what THAT would be like

It all got a bit messy from there
Back to civilization, we decided to go on a bit of a bender. Sadly all the usual late drinking places were closed, and even the 24 shop wouldn't sell us booze because the police had installed CCTV inside the shop to film them. Can you believe it? Ended up going back to my local park were we drunk a couple of cans of wife beater I had knocking about in the fridge.

Not feeling too clever this morning.

Hamburg
I'm off to Hamburg today, home of, believe it or not, Hamburgers. I am pretty familiar with the place but haven't been there for a while. Has anyone got any tips on nice bars or things to do? Please don't tell me to visit the Reeperbahn

Motion: would the HuSi user experience benefit from the introduction of an 'Art' icon?
What with Snaily's museums reviews, and other people's occasional art diaries, perhaps the time has now come for an art icon. Or maybe not, I actually have icons switched off so I wouldn't know.

That would be all
Clicking submit, and to hell with it.
I hope reading this diary has given you as much joy as writing has given me. May the day bring you good fortune and happiness.

< supero quicko diary entry | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
Look, I do like art. | 23 comments (23 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Stand on a podium and announce by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #1 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 01:44:07 AM EST
"Ich bin ein Berliner."

They'll be flummoxed, which is always a good state in which to keep Them Lot.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

But a Berliner, in Germany, is a type of pastry by extremely tedious HuSer (2.00 / 0) #3 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 01:49:41 AM EST
Now, if I were to say "Ich bin ein Hamburger", on the other hand...

[ Parent ]
In Germany, yes by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #7 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 02:08:19 AM EST
But not in Berlin, which is what makes it so clever about saying it in Hamburg.  Or maybe I've just caught webwench's inner ear infection.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
Hamburgers by extremely tedious HuSer (4.00 / 2) #9 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 02:13:32 AM EST
Hamburgers are considered cold and unemotional - by Germans.

[ Parent ]
I actually shivered there by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #10 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 02:39:15 AM EST
They do a lot of cooking with gas in Hamburg?

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
I always offer my seat by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #2 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 01:45:36 AM EST
Make a real point of it. Makes me feel superior to the scum I'm sharing the carriage with. Sometimes it's hard to jusge whether an old lady is young enough to be insulted though.

Hamburg - unusually for a west German city, it's meant to actually be interesting.

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It's political correctness gone mad!

I always offer my seat to by extremely tedious HuSer (2.00 / 0) #6 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 02:04:26 AM EST
To old ladies too, and too bad if they get offended. so much for karma.

Cologne is also very interesting, as is Freiburg (a weird town whose university offers courses in parapsychology) and even, although not my favourite, Munich,

[ Parent ]
You were in my manor last night! by Breaker (4.00 / 2) #4 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 01:57:31 AM EST
I live about 100 yards away from Bermondsey St.

With Bermondsey Street at its heart, the area blends history with modernity and a strong sense of community with all the attributes of a thriving inner-city zone.
That's a real WTF moment there.  I've been living where I am now for almost 2 years, and I know not of a Bermondsey like this.  A couple of gastropubs does not make the area suddenly desirable.

The endless building of new flats in the area means the mornings are full of construction noise.  The place is slowly being turned into a dormitory for city workers.  Middle class shock troops that will bring Marks and Spencer running, and drive the already poor chavvers into a more deprived area. 

Unsurprisingly they hate us, yet realise we are soft targets for burglary and mugging when they slide out from their prepaid sink council estates in their shell suits and Elizabeth Duke.

Community, hah.  I don't even know what my neighbours look like, far less their names.


Wel, there's also an art gallery by extremely tedious HuSer (2.00 / 0) #5 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 02:01:45 AM EST
I take it you don't go drinking locally.

[ Parent ]
There's also by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #8 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 02:09:17 AM EST
An art gallery restaurant as well.  I refuse to let them have a single penny, by way of discouraging that sort of pretentious wank.

I do go drinking local, but usually in the London Scotia pub.  Also, for late drinking around the area, Suchards on Druid st is open late sometimes.  Failing that, Belushis on London Bridge Rd is always open late.  I spent a summer there a couple of years back pulling incredibly minging Bermondsey slappers that were more than happy to save the cost of a cab home, IYKWIM.  Also a lot of transient eurochicks in there as well.  Lots of bouncers too so the boys never get restless.


[ Parent ]
Try and find a building in the centre of town by jump the ladder (4.00 / 2) #11 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 02:43:21 AM EST
That dates back to before 1943 whilst wearing your 'I Love Bomber Harris' tee shirt.

A shame you can't own a cane sword by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #12 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 03:32:39 AM EST
I expect a half meter of pointy Indian steel would make those skinheads and boorish commmuters pay mind.


*Sigh* by extremely tedious HuSer (2.00 / 0) #14 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 05:00:41 AM EST
If only, Mr Ha, if only.

[ Parent ]
Hoxton + Bermondsey == by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #13 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 04:18:19 AM EST

Clapham + Brixton for racists.


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
I think we need a puppy icon first by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #15 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 05:26:06 AM EST

But that's me. More importantly, where's the info on whether or not peanut oggling is effective?


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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
The experiment has been postponed by extremely tedious HuSer (2.00 / 0) #16 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 05:29:53 AM EST
Had to rush to the art gallery, and now there are stomrs brewing up, so I will have to wait for another week or not.

[ Parent ]
So sad... [nt] by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #17 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 05:41:58 AM EST

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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]
Brazil by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #18 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 06:16:16 AM EST
One of the great little touches in the movie Brazil occurs in a scene where the protagonist is sitting on a full streetcar working on something or other. Right next to him stands a hugely pregant woman with a broken leg.

My suggestion for an "Art" icon:


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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

Oh yeah - by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #19 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 06:45:22 AM EST

We don't have pit bulls; they've been banned. Bulldogs, Old English Bulldogs, Bull Terriers, Staffordshire Bull Terriers, Irish Bull Terriers, Boxers, BullMastiffs etc. == yes. Pit Bulls == No.


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
s/pit bulls/very scary dogs/ by extremely tedious HuSer (4.00 / 1) #20 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 07:02:19 AM EST


[ Parent ]
yah - s'bollox anyway by yicky yacky (2.00 / 0) #21 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 07:12:26 AM EST

You can take two of the legal ones, cross-breed them, train them and still get a very nasty dog indeed.


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Vacuity abhors a vacuum.
[ Parent ]
They just banned the ones toffs don't like by extremely tedious HuSer (2.00 / 0) #22 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 07:16:16 AM EST


[ Parent ]
Dude... by ti dave (2.00 / 0) #23 Fri Jun 24, 2005 at 11:41:42 PM EST
All of the good bars are on the Reeperbahn.

I don't care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do.
The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. --W.S. Burroughs

Look, I do like art. | 23 comments (23 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback