- I used to play chess against my brother-in-law when I would pay them a visit, and over the 10 years or so that they were married (they're going through a brutal divorce right now but I can't tell that story for the obvious reasons) I only beat him once. That's right, once. We played quite a few times too as once he found out that I "knew" how to play he used to bring his chess set with him to all the family gatherings, so I would be forced to do battle with him on every holiday and family picnic and social gathering. Indeed, many was the time I would be flying on a plane out to visit them when I would look at my watch and think to myself "Woooo!! Only three more hours until my b-i-l kicks my arse at chess." Not that I really cared, mind you.
Now, part of the reason is that I don't play chess. I mean, he's the only bloke I've played against since the I was in the 7th grade and used to play against Tommy Woozlebrock during recess, so I suck. Really suck. And I don't care much that I suck, as chess really isn't my thing. The second thing is that he really enjoyed playing chess and had all these fancy pants Russian stratagem moves all memorized, and whatnot, so, he had some technical knowledge and skill. Me, on the other hand, used the "try to bludgeon him with a blunt object repeatedly until he died" strategy. Indeed, while he would be working hard to setup the famous St Petersburgh Napoleon Misdirection Gambit I would be trying to line up my little dwarf guys for the flying wedge1 like football teams use on their kick returns.
Now, despite my dismal record many was the time that I would have him on the ropes, as apparently, just like in a real life fisticuffs battle, it's tough to fight a retard who either lacks logic or seemingly laughs in the face of it. But he would usually have the mental fortitude to come overcome any advantage I may have had to defeat me. Except for that one time. That one magical time when I hit him with a Blitzkrieg the likes of which he'd never seen before and he never recovered.
- Lest you think I'm stupid because I suck at chess let me remind you that I'm still reading Focaults Pendulum although I went out last night and didn't get a chance to pick it up. Fear not, gentle reader, I shall certainly have a few spare minutes tonight which shall be devoted to slashing through a few pages and thusly will I report back on it tomorrow.
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